


Just one more second

by Azidy



Category: Free!
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Anxiety, Childhood Memories, Childhood Trauma, Colors, Falling In Love, First Relationship, High School, Iwatobi, M/M, Misunderstandings, Pining, Rin is the best wingman, Slow Burn, swimming club
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-13
Updated: 2018-09-04
Packaged: 2019-03-04 11:54:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 55,711
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13364169
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Azidy/pseuds/Azidy
Summary: Grey.But not just one type of grey. No – Makoto has learned to tell them apart, even the slightest change in shade and his watchful eye would assign it another role. He never felt like something was missing because every shade had its own personality to Makoto.And every time he was cornered by someone and directly asked: “What are you looking forward to the most, once you find someone you like?” Makoto just politely smiled and told them he likes the world the way it is and he doesn’t need to see more. It is needless to say no one understood what he meant. Until the day he saw them.





	1. Follow the Crowd

Grey.

But not just one type of grey. No – Makoto has learned to tell them apart, even the slightest change in shade and his watchful eye would assign it another role.

The very light one, resembling to white but also very different from it, the colour of a buttoned down T-shirt he loved when he was little. Another one, this one darker and richer in colour, Makoto always thought how this shade was trying real hard to become even darker, but there was always something bright and happy about it. There was the rich dark grey of his pants, but he never liked calling them “blue” because there seemed to be so many different shades to it – always a bit lighter in the front, especially around the knees, and darker on the back and bottom.

He never felt like something was missing because every shade had its own personality to Makoto. His mother loved the bright happy shade, paired with clean white pieces and rich coloured jewelry. He thought it matched her personality perfectly – a light-hearted woman with great organisational skills, but also a firm hand in distressed times and when dealing with his younger siblings. His father preferred darker shades paired with black as a business attire, but would often wear striped T-shirts or sweaters at home. He enjoyed his work and put a lot of effort and time into it, but would prefer to relax and observe the people around him, instead of actively contributing to conversations.

His younger siblings, twins called Ren and Ran, didn’t seem to care much about colours and shades of their outfits. He was pretty sure they would just grab the first thing in their closets in the morning and be perfectly content with their choice. Makoto tried asking them if they didn’t care how they sometimes end up wearing half a dozen different colours at once but they just shrugged and called it all “just grey”.

But Makoto knew it was something much more than “just grey”.

 

Ever since he was little, he loved reading about different colours and what they were assigned to. The blues and whites for the sky and the sea, the browns and greens for the ground and its vegetation. The rainbow contained many different colours, but humans could only distinguish a few. It showed a wide spectrum of different shades and wavelengths, but no one could tell all of them apart. Not even the luckiest ones.

He remembered his first years of school when his teachers explained the Chromaron principles. When they are born, people see everything as either white or black. After a few years, because their nervous and sensory abilities develop, they start perceiving different shades of grey. The older you get, the more shades you can discern. Scientists discovered how intelligence and knowledge in various fields greatly benefit the range of different greys people can see. But no amount of studying can help you see anything else. The only way for a human being to experience a wider spectrum of colours is by emotionally bonding with other people. Therefore, many people divide the Chromaron into two sections, the knowledge and experience which gives you the range of shades - and love, which gives you the colours of the rainbow everyone desires.

 

But Makoto didn’t care much about colours. He thought it was weird no one appointed any meaning to greys and all of his friends from school always talked about falling in love just to see how the world looks like. He also thought it was weird when his older cousin Himari found a boyfriend and constantly talked about how she couldn’t believe the awful clothes she used to wear before “her baby-bear opened her eyes”. She said she threw everything out of the window and went shopping for 7 hours straight.

He was well aware falling for someone would mean he could see how everything really looked like, “beautiful” – they said, “inspiring” – he heard. But so what? Even if colours were great (which no one could really prove, at least not to Makoto), it was also said how dating or getting married doesn’t guarantee you will “unlock” all colours. Not to mention people still couldn’t see more than a few basic ones if they didn’t work enough on learning the shades. This part of Chromaron wasn’t completely scientifically proven, but in general, people realised how it is only the best and strongest of human relationships that produce the ability to truly _see._ Which is what his parents told him when his cousin had left their house after a visit and his mother couldn’t help but comment on Himari’s awful skirt with “at least a dozen different kinds of reds and pinks” which Himari swore were the same colour.

But he knew better than to judge and he was genuinely happy for his cousin and some of his friends that started seeing colours over the years. They all seemed ecstatic, bragging about just how _boring_ their lives used to be and how everything feels _more real_ now that they are in love. And every time he was cornered by someone and directly asked: “What are you looking forward to the most, once you find someone you like?” Makoto just politely smiled and told them he likes the world the way it is and he doesn’t need to see more. It is needless to say no one understood what he meant. Until the day he _saw_ them.

 

It was the summer before his first year of junior high school. His parents decided to award him for his good grades and all the compliments he had received from his teachers by taking him and his siblings to Tokyo. Makoto being from Iwatobi, a small town only known for its long fishing tradition, had never seen an urban city before. He was used to the familiar faces of his neighbours, friends he’d had since kindergarten and the local stores his family would shop at. What he wasn’t used to were the noise, traffic jams, millions of people strolling around the streets, the shiny signs and giant department stores with things he thought no one really needed. The twins looked around in awe with their mouths hanging open ever since they had exited the train, but Makoto couldn’t blame them as he himself felt utterly small and unimportant next to the monstrous buildings that towered over their heads.

His mother made sure to hold Ren and Ran at all times, her fingers tied around their small hands in order to make sure the twins didn’t run off. His father kept his gaze on them as well, but Makoto caught him looking somewhat displeased with Tokyo’s skyscrapers and modern architecture, knowing quite well how much his father loved restoring old, traditional buildings.

They swirled around the countless busy streets, having only his father’s old memories of trips to Tokyo to guide them through. Even though it was Makoto’s turn to choose where he wanted to go, he couldn’t think of anything he wanted to see. But for better or worse, Ren saw a program on TV the day before, showing the best attractions in Japan. The one that really caught his interest was Tokyo Summerland – one of the largest water parks in the world. And since both Ren and Ran learnt how to swim just a few months before that and were still trying to show off their amazing diving skills to everyone that could be pressured into watching them – they wasted no time in coaxing Makoto into picking it as their destination.

Even though he didn’t feel as enthusiastic about it as his siblings and he was perfectly fine with taking an occasional swim in the sea during the summer, he couldn’t really think of a reason not to go either and it didn’t take long until he caved in and found himself at the entrance to the park.

It seemed like all the people he saw in central Tokyo magically appeared at the park as well, judging by the endless entry line and the noise coming from inside the park. His father did some research prior to them coming here and Makoto knew there was a big indoor pool which was open throughout the year, but also an even larger pool outdoors open during the summer. Even though it was midsummer and they speculated how most people would want to enjoy the outdoors and take advantage of the bigger pool, it seemed that most people gravitated towards the indoor area. As soon as they paid for the tickets and walked through the gates, his parents quickly agreed to stay outside and urged them to keep moving towards the centrepiece – a 300-meter lazy river swirling around the slides and walking areas.

“We should go there!” Ren yelled, pointing his finger to the right.

“No, we need to go _there_ first!” demanded Ran, voting for going left.

Before Makoto could even try to calm them down, people started disapprovingly staring at their little group blocking the way and his mother swiftly pulled the twins towards to Great Journey pool. It left Makoto and his father no choice but to follow, trying not to bump into anyone on the way.

They finally found a little clearing next to one of the fences and he immediately noticed the disappointed faces of his little brother and sister.

“But this one is so _boooooring”_ said Ran with a little pout and her hands on her hips.

“Yeah, we want to see the slides!” exclaimed Ren and for once they were in agreement, but his mother would have none of it.

Makoto knew it was too soon for their trip to be over and he glanced around for something to use as a distraction. He didn’t have to look for long as he spotted a giant inner tube following the flow of the Great Journey and quickly jumped in between his mother and siblings.

“How about I take them to _that?”_ He asked voluntarily, pointing at its direction. Ran and Ren followed his fingers with their gaze and their eyes grew wide with excitement as soon as they saw a water tunnel to slide in.

“YEEES, we wanna go with Makotooo!” they both yelled a little out of sync and one little nod from Makoto brought back a smile on their mother’s face. She ushered the twins to hold onto their big brother’s hands and followed suit as the twins were now in charge of leading the family towards the tube.

Makoto didn’t expect to enjoy the park too much, but he was happy seeing how excited his little siblings were and it made him happy in return. But now that he was here, the infectious positive energy radiating from everyone around him, even his mother relaxed and joking with them, put a long-lasting smile on his face. He enjoyed the feel of water on his body, the warm touch of his siblings in his hands and their laughter resonating in the tube.

Everyone seemed to be having fun, swimming or diving or just sitting around the pool with their feet in the water. Makoto never felt this thrill swimming alone or with his friends in the ocean, he never felt just how happy the water could make people feel. And he felt it too, deep within him, a sort of calm and tingle at the same time, enjoying it with his family.

It was Ran’s turn to brag about her diving skills and she had the entire family watch as she jumped off the edge of the pool around a hundred times, or at least that’s what it seemed like to Makoto. His father uttered words of encouragement with a warm smile on his face and a soft gleam in his eyes, which only made Ren want to join in on the fun and now they were both jumping at the same time, making Makoto pick the winner of each jump.

After a while, his parents suggested looking for a restaurant to sit down and grab some lunch at and it took a few minutes for his siblings to admit they were in fact both hungry, but wanted to dive some more. One stern look from their mother and they caved in, but only after being promised to come back and swim some more after lunch. Makoto wanted to join them but realised he still wasn’t hungry and would just be standing in line for nothing. He made a deal with his parents to stay and wait for them at the small resting spot with benches and tables near the entrance.

Once he was left alone, he finally took a moment to look around and see what he had missed while watching his brother and sister. Except for the giant pool and its tube slide, the park offered various slides and waterfalls, ranging in height and size. He imagined climbing to the top of one of the bigger ones, but quickly dismissed that thought, purely because the twins were too young and not at all because he was just a little bit scared.

He gazed around at the circling pool and its peaceful grey water often intermitted by little waves caused by nearby swimmers or playful children splashing their friends by hurling water at them. He observed the smiles and listened to high pitched screams of happiness and joyful laughter and anywhere he looked, all the shades screamed _happy_ to him. He was well aware it wasn’t just one colour around him, but the cheerful atmosphere and the calming freshness of water made everything look more positive and light.

He made one quick dive, something he could do with ease after living at the sea side his entire life and spending many hot summer days in the ocean. He looked around underneath the surface, at the more consistent shade of friendly light grey he associated with water and he felt at peace and content, but also like something was missing. Like he was almost searching for something at the bottom of a relatively shallow pool, with nothing but a darker grey isolated floor at its end. He rose to the surface, slowly breaking the thin barrier made by water’s surface tension and the noise intensified, his awareness of the giant crowd of people around him rising.

There seem to be a large group of kids coming his way, aiming for that little spot he had for himself until a second ago. They jumped right in and a wave splashed Makoto’s face, making his vision slightly blurry.

He decided to head for the bench area and wait for his family, he didn’t know when exactly they’d be coming back. He found one table with just a few people sitting at it, the other, empty, half seemed inviting enough and, after quickly asking if he could take a seat or if they’re waiting for some friends, he sat down and looked at the tables nearby.

Mostly families with their children and a lot of chatty high-schoolers engaged in their conversations all around him, with an occasional tourist group distinguishable by their lighter shades of grey hair and tour guides in their hands. It took him a moment to notice he was located near the road leading towards the indoor pool area and there was a steady stream of people inching towards it. He followed the crowd with his eyes and it ended at a large building covered in glass windows on all sides and the ceiling to let the natural sunlight in. At its front, a giant sign with bold bright grey letters on an almost white background said: _Adventure Dome_.

Makoto looked around trying to catch sight of his family, but had no luck. He checked the watch on his left hand and realised it’s only been around 20 minutes since they had left in search of a restaurant and with the amount of people and time required to get their food ready, he was sure they wouldn’t come back for at least another hour or so. He didn’t know what made him stand up and walk towards the endless crowd, why he had decided to give up his seat and stand in the heat to enter the indoor pool area when there was an even bigger one right where he was, but nevertheless, his feat started dragging him towards the Dome.

After about 20 minutes of moving inch by inch towards the big entrance, he found himself on the other side of the glass building. After the numerous slides and rides you could enjoy outside, the inside seemed to offer a much smaller pool, a few shorter slides and a sunbathing area filled with towels of different shades and patterns. He wondered where all the people went because even though the pool showed no shortage of swimmers, he knew that the amount of visitors coming in was much greater than that.

That’s when he noticed the back of the building and the familiar crowd and heard two students next to him talk about the biggest attraction located after the building. It seemed like a big portion of those coming in only had the intention of staying long enough to skip circling the entire park and cut straight for the rides - the dry theme park area called _Thrill Mountain_. Makoto felt partly disappointed because of the revealed secret, half expecting to find something amazing inside these see-through walls and his stomach fell when he heard the exited voices around talking about “the rush of the fall from the top” and “thinking if you’ll hit the ground or not”. He wanted to just turn back and wait for everyone at the tables, but the crowed pushed him towards the water and he was now looking at the much more peaceful atmosphere of people enjoying the artificial waves in the pool. There was younger children here too, those with giant rubber tubes around their bodies to keep them afloat.

He finally managed to circle around the building towards the line leading back where he came from. He saw slightly tired faces of people ready to leave, some of the young ones dozing off in their parents’ arms. He cast a look to his watch and noticed it was just about the time for his family to be done with their meal when he felt something soft hit his shoulder. He turned around and was greeted by a pair of deep grey eyes and a wide grin displayed on a young girl’s face. She couldn’t have been more than 4 years old and the amused look on her face reminded Makoto of Ran, the way she would always try to amuse herself by teasing her older brother. The little girl was sitting with her legs around a middle-aged man’s back, his face turned around towards a woman whose hand he was holding. The girl grinned even wider at Makoto’s surprised face and pointed towards the ground, to a small dolphin plush toy sprayed on the ground.

Makoto knew what she wanted and bent down to give her toy back, turning once again towards the pool. He was just about to reach for it when his eyes exploded with the sudden rush of stimuli. His brain struggled to keep up with the surge of information, trying to piece it all together and form an image Makoto could understand.

He felt blinded for an instant, like his mind went blank, but not even a second later his brain finally caught up and what he saw was – everything. _Everything,_ all of them, they were here, right in front of him.

**Colours.**


	2. Open Your Eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Makoto quickly wrapped his fingers around the tiny dolphin – light blue with a white underbelly and crystal black eyes. His gaze scanned the entire pool in under a second, searching for something, for someone to lock eyes with. 
> 
> "Where? Where are you?!" His entire body screamed as he stood on his toes and tried peering even further, somewhere in the distance to find this person. But no one seemed to be staring back at him, no one swimming the pool or sitting on the beach chairs or standing in line around him. He looked up, towards the artificial rock formation in the furthest part of the building.

Makoto quickly wrapped his fingers around the tiny dolphin – light blue with a white underbelly and crystal black eyes. His gaze scanned the entire pool in under a second, searching for something, for _someone_ to lock eyes with. Hundreds of strangers half submerged in waves of water, their colourful swimsuits and various swimming equipment suddenly impossible to look away from. He noticed the incredible blueness of the clear water and the sparkly white foam induced by the moving waves. A florescent green bathing suit with tiny yellow stars. A pink flower ribbon with light green petals on a young girl’s blond head. Striking chocolate brown eyes of a tall, olive-skinned boy next to him. Makoto had never seen any of this before, but he simply _knew_ what he was seeing. All the colours arranged themselves perfectly in a rainbow spectrum and he was sure he could name every single one of them.

 _Where? Where are you?!_ His entire body screamed as he stood on his toes and tried peering even further, somewhere in the distance to find this person. But no one seemed to be staring back at him, no one swimming the pool or sitting on the beach chairs or standing in line around him. He looked up, towards the artificial rock formation in the furthest part of the building. He noticed it before, a greyed out construction that he now realised was actually brownish, with three parallel tunnels serving as water slides and something like a castle turret on top with hidden stairs behind it. There was a steady line of impatient kids waiting at its peak, nudging their friends to hurry up so they could slide into the pool below.

Makoto’s mind was still frantically searching around and he thought he heard displeased comments coming from the people next to him, but he barely registered them as he stood his ground and refused to be swept away. But his hopes started sinking as he felt a harsh push, leading him towards the exit, away from the colours and its source. He checked the perimeter one last time and caught a glimpse of a giggly girl around his age that just released her hold of the bar at the top of the slide and was now accelerating towards the water.

He blinked – and it was gone. The world wrapped itself in its familiar shades of greys, everything blending into one still image for Makoto, almost as if the whole world paused for a moment. Or at least that’s how it seemed like to Makoto after learning and truly _seeing_ how it really looked like, the reality he used to love and describe as _lively, full of personality, the exact opposite of boring and dull_ now seemed like a poor replica of what he just witnessed.

The girl reached the water surface and dove underneath, letting out a small scream of surprise. His body was jerked towards to doors, even rougher that time and there was no way for him to break through and fight the energy of a moving crowd. With a devastated look on his face and his body limp from defeat, depleted of every ounce of energy he still possessed, he let himself be dragged outside towards the sun’s pale grey bars of light.

His fingers were still tightly squeezing the plush toy, now stripped of all colours, just white and grey and black, the blue nowhere to be seen. He scanned the crowd, trying to find a familiar face this time, the smiling girl on her father’s shoulders and that mischievous grin on her face. But he barely had the strength to turn around and his eyes couldn’t focus on anything, nothing recognisable or memorable to hold onto. It seemed like just a moment ago his brain couldn’t stop thinking about all the details and now everything was one big grey mess.

With a sigh and a guilty conscious, he stuffed the toy in his small backpack and silently promised to himself to stop at the “Lost and Found” isle. But he didn’t. The only thing left on his mind were the sway of blue pool water and her unusual burgundy hair, tied back in a high ponytail with a light blue hair tie, gone underneath the grey surface.

 

 

…

 

 

He wasn’t sure how he managed to find his way back to the rest stop, with his mind so far away and unfocused. He met up with his family, his siblings still excited about swimming, their energy regained after a hefty lunch. He felt like a zombie, just following them around for the rest of the day, barely speaking a word to anyone and isolating himself a few metres from everyone.

After a few hours, his parents directed all of them towards the exit and they were on the bus and then the train, followed by a long ride home. Everyone seemed to be tired, which Makoto welcomed, meaning no long conversations needed to be held and Ran spent most of it with her head in Makoto’s lap, dozing off after a long day.

Looking back, he knew his parents must have found his behaviour suspicious and uncharacteristic, but his mother simply wrapped his son’s hands around a warm bun filled with bean paste and gave him an encouraging smile.

After they carried their bags and the drowsy Ran inside the house, Makoto found himself seated at one of their comfy kitchen chairs, staring at a glass of grey water. _Who was she? Why didn’t she see me? What if nothing had changed for her? What if it was just me?_

He started falling into a dark place, his mind only dragging him further down the path of hopelessness as he remembered some of the stories he had heard growing up. _Just because one person started seeing colours after meeting someone, doesn’t mean the same needs to happen to the other one. There were many cases of unrequited love over the years and while some people appreciated the newfound spectrum of reality, others only wished to go back to the greys, where at least they weren’t rejected. And sometimes, those whose feelings hadn’t been answered, started losing the ability to differentiate colours. Only a few at first, but with time, their worlds were back to the old greys and they were given a chance to search again._

Makoto’s favourite teacher from primary school was Tamaki-sensei, a cheery woman in her mid-40’s with thick hair she’d always tie in a perfect bun. She was the only teacher that spoke of her own experiences with the Chromaron. She fell in love when she was very young, still in high school. They got married soon after and she was happy for a while. But over the years, they grew apart and both of them started losing some of the colours they used to love. She said they just started slowly fading – barely noticeable at first, but her world became grey again, just like it used to be when she was young. After the divorce, she was content with living her life without a match, but she met a man that rekindled her world and she swore it was even prettier now. Of course, at that age, every single child wanted to find their one true match, but the truth many people discovered was that, over the years, they have found multiple people that opened their eyes to colours, but most highlight the one special person that let them see the most. The one called Soulmate.

 

“Dear, don’t you think we should talk to him?” he heard out of the corner of his ear, followed by footsteps and a gentle hand positioned on his shoulder. His mother came into the kitchen and sat next to him, her big eyes and long dark hair still in the familiar tones of grey. Makoto wondered, for the first time in his life, how she would look like with the grey veil pulled back.

“Makoto, is there something you wish to tell us?” his father spoke, which made Makoto turn around and look at the familiar reassuring smile and glasses framing his small eyes.

Makoto pondered over their question and decided there was no harm in asking, since they knew more about this than him and he hated going through something all alone. His family had always been close, supportive of Makoto’s questions and his parents were the only people that didn’t mock his personalised shades of greys.

“H-how did it look like? When you first saw _them_?” his question not directed to anyone particularly and with an obvious lack of detail, but his mother gave him a small nod and started the story.

 “Ah, I know I was really confused at the time. My parents asked me to go to the market to buy groceries for lunch. I always took that same path, every single time I went to the market. And nothing was ever different about it. The familiar streets, the docks lining my left and leading into the open ocean. But this one day was different. Remember that old shrine that’s halfway between our house and the market? The one we go to every year?” she looked at her son expectantly and was rewarded by a confirmative answer form Makoto.

“There seemed to be a small group of people gathered around it, construction workers with their equipment and holding the shrine’s layout on large sheets of paper high above their heads, others pointing towards different objects around them. One of the men was a tall and slender, with a pair of safety goggles over his eyes, sitting cross-legged on the floor and just staring at the shrine. There were papers scattered around his feet and he was chewing on a pencil cap – a red pencil cap.”

His mother sent her husband a warm smile and imitated the way he chewed on that cap, earning a small blush from his father and reminding Makoto of how stable their relationship really was.

“I couldn’t believe what I was seeing, but as I looked around, there were unmistakingly red objects all around me! The red carnation flowers in full bloom on a nearby window, the wine-red dog collar on a proud poodle prancing around her owner, even the watch I was wearing around my wrist for years suddenly became a raspberry shade of red! I think I yelled something out because the man dropped the pencil cap from his mouth and jumped a little, quickly grabbed it in his hands and observed it like it was the most interesting and complex object in the world, slowly turning it in his fingers.”

Makoto listened wholeheartedly to his mother’s story, her enthusiastic eyes and gesturing hand movements. He felt an overwhelming amount of love and admiration between these two people and realised his own story was nothing like it. Just a few seconds of colours and no recognition from the other person. And then back to darkness.

“I think I had half a mind to just walk up to him and ask him if he could also see just how _red_ everything really is! But unfortunately, his boss noticed one of his employees was blankly staring at a piece of plastic and yelled at him to get back to work. I felt like I would endanger some poor guy’s career by talking about pencil caps!” She laughed this time, reminiscing of their love story and how funny it seemed like today.

“They were gone by the time I was coming home from the market, but the shrine was marked in distinct red tape with the words _Under construction_ written all over it. I told myself: _They have to come back again, whatever they were doing still isn’t finished_. And I was right! They kept coming there every day for a full week and I would glare at the man and his front pocket sleeve now filled with red pens. But on the 8 th day, the tape was gone, the shrine open for visitors once again. But I noticed them right away, a bouquet of beautiful red roses waiting for me at the same place that man had been sitting at the first time I saw him. I sprinted up the stairs and grabbed the flowers desperately looked all over and between them for a note, a number, _something._ But instead, your father decided waiting behind one of the neighbouring houses was a better approach and almost gave me a heart attack when he finally approached me!” She looked at Makoto’s father with a childish accusation but her eyes gleamed with happiness.

“Not one of my best ideas, I’ll admit.” Makoto looked at his father’s gentle smile and realised he can sympathise with his approach, at least a little.

“So that’s the story of how we met.” His mother told him, concluding the anecdote but visibly noting Makoto’s interest in something else.

“So… you could both just see the reds? That’s it?” He asked his parents, unable to understand.

“Hmm, at first – yes. Once we started dating and getting to know each other, other colours quickly followed. I remember the time I brought him home to meet my parents and I screamed at him – _I didn’t know your hair was brown!_ Needless to say, my parents looked at us like we were crazy, but it was huge for us and all the colours seem to come to us at important moments.”

“And for some reason, we got to experience the same colours at the same moments, for every single one of them. I don’t know anyone else with similar experiences.” His father added, a proud expression on his face while cleaning his glasses with a small white tissue.

“And it’s not the same for everyone?” Makoto asked with a hopeful spark in his eyes to which his mother gave him a gentle hug and patted his head like she used to do when he was little.

“Of course not, honey. The way _you_ experience love is yours and yours alone and no one else’s experience could ever come close.” She assured him, but Makoto felt like his encounter with colours, with colours that disappeared in an instant, vanished into the blandness of greys, was worse than any other scenario. He would’ve preferred to just keep one of them, to still the image of the crystal blue water in his mind and wake up to its calming waves.

Just the **Blue**.

 

 

 


	3. Chase Your Dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Either his soulmate didn’t feel the same, still trapped in grey, which happened here and there - or they didn’t want for Makoto to see them. For a while, Makoto couldn’t decide which one was worse. But five years later, he believed he moved passed that question. Whoever that person was, they weren’t meant to be and Makoto could accept that. It hurt, for days and months and years, but he learnt to understand it was impossible to force someone to like him back. 
> 
> Eventually, the pain subsided, the crushing weight of being rejected and alone. He stopped thinking about his gaze hopelessly flying across the building and the girl’s ponytail flipping through the air before breaching the surface. Even the thoughts of rushing back through the crowd and finding her seemed silly after a while, the feeling behind them forgotten. But what he couldn’t forget, even though he tried his best – where the colours.

“So it was that girl then?” Rei asked, fixing his glasses with the tips of his fingers. The tall boy’s gaze was directed towards Makoto, but shifted every couple of seconds towards his lap where he was struggling to open a protein bar.

“It must’ve been! That’s why you noticed her more than the rest.” Nagisa offered, enthusiastically nodding his head, his light grey hair falling over his eyes as he took a big bite of his sandwich.

“I guess…? I’m not sure though… Wouldn’t I _know_ if it was her?” Makoto asked in return, looking at both of his friends who had just learned about his faithful encounter with colours that happened about 5 years ago. He finally mustered up the courage to tell them about something he himself couldn’t understand either. For all he had heard over the years, people didn’t just _see_ and then _lose_ all the colours in a few short seconds.

The experience left him thoroughly upset and he spent months overthinking and analysing it, but it led him nowhere. Either his soulmate didn’t feel the same, still trapped in grey, which happened here and there - or they didn’t _want_ for Makoto to see them. For a while, Makoto couldn’t decide which one was worse. But five years later, he believed he moved passed that question. Whoever that person was, they weren’t meant to be and Makoto could accept that. It hurt, for days and months and years, but he learnt to understand it was impossible to _force_ someone to like him back.

Eventually, the pain subsided, the crushing weight of being rejected and alone. He stopped thinking about his gaze hopelessly flying across the building and the girl’s ponytail flipping through the air before breaching the surface. Even the thoughts of rushing back through the crowd and finding her seemed silly after a while, the feeling behind them forgotten. But what he couldn’t forget, even though he tried his best – where the _colours._

He would be playing with his siblings and suddenly his mind would remember the bright coloured swimsuits while holding a Lego block. Or he’d remember the rich brown of that stranger’s eyes when reaching for a bar of chocolate. But it was the blue that came to him the most – just a flash, gone in an instant. Of just how _blue_ the water had been. Of how it sparkled, bathed in the sun’s light rays hitting the surface. Of how it matched the lightness and the carefree energy of the sky so perfectly.

Despite his greatest efforts, he couldn’t block the images flashing in his head. Makoto convinced himself for a while that these were just remnants of the past, memories people experienced on a daily basis. But something about _his_ kept pulling him back and a part of him desperately clutched those colourful sights, not wanting to let them go just yet.

No, Makoto wasn’t upset she didn’t care. He was upset because no matter how hard and long he stared out into the ocean, it was nothing but _grey._

“Aren’t you gonna eat, Mako-chan?” Nagisa called out, his big bright eyes looking at Makoto quizzingly.

“Yes o-of course. Thank you, Nagisa.” He mustered, his hand letting go of the tiny plush toy and reaching for the bento box on the bottom of his bag. He blinked the image away, scared of being suspicions.

Almost like a tug on his sleeve, his subconscious was yet again dragged to that day. Not towards his special person – no. He felt sucked into the sight of that pool, like there was something the water was telling him, urging him to dive in and find it. “Look at me” – it told him. And Makoto did. He looked and searched for ways that would bring _them_ back to him, for objects that induced the images. But he never managed to see anything new, only the familiar pool water, _blue_ water, calling out to him.

He never meant to share any of this with others, not even his parents got the explanation as to why he had suddenly asked them about their story. Until, exactly one week ago, when his friends Rei and Nagisa, which he had known for years, presented him with the news of becoming a couple. Makoto couldn’t have said he was completely shocked by the announcement as he had noticed some signs from both of them – the way Nagisa stumbled over his words the moment Rei came into view but tried desperately to play it cool, or how Rei worked extra hard to explain something to Nagisa when he would normally just recommend at least a dozen book titles for people to read on their own.

He had to admit – they made a good couple. Nagisa, with his easy-going and approachable personality, always willing to cheer for his friends and help anyone in need – and Rei, an intellectual who preferred to think things through before acting upon them, ready to go to great lengths in order to find the ultimate solution and give the best advice. They balanced each other out perfectly. Makoto noticed how Rei relaxed easily with Nagisa around and was more open to jokes and spontaneous activities. On the other hand, Nagisa stopped rushing all the time and making hasty decisions with the other boy to take his head out of the clouds here and there.

Neither of them approached Makoto in need of help or advice, but they had a few slipups over the last couple of months and he managed to figure out his friends suddenly noticed some colours. The most obvious evidence being the time Makoto ran into them at a local sports equipment store, buying new swimsuits. He was just about to approach them and say hello when he heard Nagisa comment on three pairs of swimming trunks Rei was holding in his hands and demanded for “a darker blue that matched Rei’s hair better”. Rei seemed slightly offended and added how the pairs Nagisa chose didn’t come even close in shade to the smaller boy’s magenta eyes, all the while blushing uncontrollably and hiding his face with his hands.

Makoto met Hazuki Nagisa five years ago when he decided to join the Iwatobi Swimming Club. To this day, he still couldn’t explain why exactly had he wanted to join the said club with the ocean right at his disposal, but he argued that the ocean was only useful during the warmer months and he needed a place to swim over the winter. Not that he ever felt the need to before that, but something was telling him he’d want to swim in the near future.

And he did. He was a little reluctant at first, intimidated by Coach Sasabe’s hard regime and how competitive the other kids got at times. He only entered the club to swim in his free time, but he was soon encouraged to enter in tournaments, discovering his talent and love for backstroke – one of the four swimming styles swum on the back. He enjoyed gazing at the glass ceiling and the sky above it, feeling the water all around him. Makoto never felt discouraged by not being able to see where he was going, he would simply let his arms alternate, one of them always underwater and the other recovering, getting ready for the next swing.

Nagisa, a year his junior, had joined the team a short time before Makoto, making them both the “newbies” and putting them into the same practice group. Makoto felt nervous entering the world of competitive sports after having had no experience in them for the first 13 years of his life and partly thinking it was already too late for him to learn something, but meeting Nagisa chased most of his fears away. The smaller boy’s bright energy was contagious and it didn’t take long for Makoto to find some confidence as well, after receiving multiple compliments on his swimming.

Nagisa’s specialty was breaststroke – a swimming style in which the swimmer is on their chest, with their head out of the water most of the time. He loved watching the younger boy’s hands get longer as he would break the water’s surface and dive underneath. It was much slower than other stroke types, but Nagisa thought it was the most fun and loved pretending he was a frog racing other boys.

But no matter how many times he came to the club or won local swimming tournaments, Makoto never felt satisfied. He enjoyed swimming and it made him happy to hang out with his friends, but he kept coming to the pool to find something. Every time he’d step out onto the familiar white tiles surrounding the pool, holding a towel in one hand and swimming goggles in the other, he would scan the surface and look away, disappointed. No matter how hard he tried, how much better he got, it still wasn’t _blue._

The Iwatobi Swimming Club disbanded right before his first year of high school. Makoto didn’t know how to feel about it at first, not really worried about his competitive career as he never planned on pursuing it as a profession. He missed his friends which all went to different schools and he didn’t stay in touch with any of them, not even Nagisa. As for swimming, he was surprised to realise how little he craved it. It was like the years of searching and looking left him kind of exhausted and empty. He thought how he’d finally learnt how to accept the world as it is, move on with his life.

But at the beginning of his second year of high school, Nagisa coming back into his life hit him almost like a hurricane. The younger boy enrolled at the same school as Makoto, begged him to start their own Swimming Club and continue where they had left off. He felt reluctant at first, but Makoto eventually caved in to Nagisa’s relentless nagging and brining up happy memories of the past. Not nearly as enthusiastic as before and a lot more mature than a boy that only swam to find something, he agreed on the proposal in order to swim with his friends once again. Soon after that, they met Ryugazaki Rei.

Rei was also a freshman at Iwatobi High School, a tall muscular guy with short dark hair and an obsession with constantly fixing his glasses. Nagisa thought he would be the perfect addition to the team and managed to convince the other boy in joining, almost stealing him away from the Track team. They spent most of the first couple of months teaching Rei how to swim, but Makoto didn’t mind. He was happy to work hard at something again and to share it all with someone, people who understood him. But he couldn’t help but feel how a part of the reason he said yes to the whole club thing was to try one last time. He never told his friends how it wasn’t just the team and swimming that pulled him forward. It was also the last effort in order to chase _them._

 

 

Nagisa and Rei spent the rest of their lunch break discussing different theories on Makoto’s disappearing soulmate, completely absorbed in the topic and not noticing how quiet Makoto had gotten and the absence of his words. His mind was once again slowly drifting towards the moving waves and how the water parts underneath his swinging arms. How beautiful it must feel to be surrounded by blues on all sides, even up above you.

“Mako-chan, did you not hear the bell?” Nagisa dragged him back to reality and he quickly scooped up his lunch that stayed untouched on his lap, his chopsticks never even touching the rice. _Not again –_ he thought, but it was too late. He promised to meet the other two after class in their club room and rushed towards his classroom.

 

 

…

 

 

“… and so until the end of this semester, he will be joining our class. He lived in Tokyo most of his life, but he has some relatives in Iwatobi so I hope you will all make him feel welcome and help him remember his way around the town.” Miss Ama-chan finished with the standard introduction speech, ushering the transfer student to enter through the open door.

Makoto didn’t know what he was expecting, his mind still partly focused on the pool he’d get to swim in later and his poor conversational skills during lunch, but it definitely wasn’t _that._ They had gotten a few transfer students since his days in middle school and they would all awkwardly walk in, mutter their name and blush as an entire class of piercing eyes gazed at them. Makoto always felt kind of bad for them, having to move and switch schools in the middle of the year when everyone was already familiar with their classmates and it made you the weird newcomer. He remembered the last girl that got so spooked and tripped while walking towards her desk. The other kids teased her about it for months.

No, unlike that, the student walking in was nothing like them. He was almost as tall as Makoto, wearing a white jacket and pants and holding a bag swung across his shoulder. He had an athletic build, his muscles apparent even underneath layers of clothing. His medium grey hair fell in strands across his face until his used his free hand to move it aside with a smirk. His eyes were sharp and confident, head held high as his eyes scanned every single student in the class with a small frown. He didn’t seem particularly fazed by his position, more like slightly amused at everyone’s blank stares. He came to a stop next to the homeroom teacher and turned towards the class.

“Matsuoka Rin. Nice to meet you.” He slightly bowed his head but the dose of confidence and superiority he exuded didn’t leave him the slightest. He heard a few hushed _yeses_ from the girls to his left and had to admit, the guy was attractive.

Probably hearing the soft murmurs, he turned towards the girls and gave them a wide grin, revealing some of his pointy white teeth. From the other side of the classroom, Makoto heard the word _jerk_ whispered by one of the guys.

“Matsuoka-kun, there’s an empty seat in the third row. You can sit there.” Teacher said with a warm smile, pretending she didn’t hear the different comments passed around in class.

 

 

Makoto’s mind could hardly focus on the lesson and his eyes kept darting towards the new student who used one of his elbows to support his head, staring more at his book than the blackboard. _There was just something about him._ But Makoto couldn’t figure out what it was.

After the lesson, he checked his phone only to find a text from his mother asking him to come home early and help the twins with English because they had a test the next day. He knew his mother was aware of his role as club president so the situation must have been pretty bad if she asked him to skip it. He hated neglecting his duties, but he wanted to help his siblings and Nagisa could handle the club for a day. He texted his friend with quick instructions on the new training regime for the freshmen and promised to be there tomorrow.

“So, I heard you have a swimming club?” He heard a conversation on his left and didn’t recognise the voice straight away.

“Oh, yeah, you should ask Tachibana about it. He’s the club president.” A scrawny boy called Tanaki directed the new guy towards Makoto.

“Hey! You’re Tachibana, right?” Before he could react or put his phone away, there was a chair pulled out in front of him and the tall boy swiftly sat down with his hands on the armrest, facing Makoto.

“I’m Matsuoka Rin, just in case you missed it.” His smirk didn’t seem arrogant to Makoto, but there was a dose of boldness behind it Makoto could never mirror.

“Yeah, but it’s nothing amazing, we don’t even enter tournaments or anything, it’s more of a hobby.” Makoto admitted, for the first time feeling slightly ashamed for never trying to get it past that point. _But a club could hardly progress when its captain was in it half-heartedly_ was what he always thought.

“Oh. You will now. I’ll come by the pool later, okay?” And with that he was gone, this guy that came out of nowhere, leaving Makoto utterly lost for words, trying to blink away the sudden rush of pool waves flashing in front of his eyes.

But he couldn’t. As soon as he closed his eyes, the  ** _blue_  **came back.

 


	4. Feel the Wind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Oh, Makoto, didn't you bring an umbrella?" His mother entered the small hallway, an anxious expression on her face. 
> 
> “No, I guess I forgot. I’m sorry.” He tried to calm her worries with a small smile and promised to take a warm shower straight away. He took one last glance through the window, the weather still as bad as it was. "The only thing rain does is make the world even more grey – he thought with a solemn grimace as he wished for it to stop, removing the remains of the shades I once loved, stripping it down to just a bare grey."

The rest of the classes passed by in a blur, with Makoto being unable to concentrate on much and spending his time blankly staring at the books in front of him.

"That's it for the day, we'll continue with the next chapter tomorrow. Like the great Vincent Van Gough once said: ‘Great things are done by a series of small things brought together.’ Class dismissed." Ama-chan ended in her orderly fashion, finding an appropriate quote for every situation, at least according to her.

Makoto stood up in a kind of robotic way, picked up his books and checked his phone for any new messages. Nagisa didn't respond back but that wasn't unusual for the ecstatic boy that couldn't be bothered with writing a simple “okay”. He hoped his instructions had been clear and the vice president wouldn't just let then go home after 10 minutes, again. 

But as he put his sneakers on and exited the school building, he found himself standing in the pouring rain whilst other students dug through their bags, searching for umbrellas.

It was mid spring - that time of the year when a few sunny days made the false sense of summer settle in the back of his head. It was still colder than he'd like so most of their training included running, stretching and strength exercises, but he had thought today might have been a day to try swimming, if the weather holds. But it didn't.

Giant droplets of water kept falling from the clouds and Makoto frowned a little, angry for not checking the weather report before leaving the house earlier. He took the school bag off his shoulder and tried covering it with his unzipped jacket, other hand shielding his eyes - and ran. 

By the time he got to his doorstep, he was soaking wet, water dripping off his clothes and hair. He was in such a hurry and only looking at his feet so he wouldn't trip that he almost ran into his neighbour on the way. He opened the door and quickly took off his soaked shoes, tugging at the pair of simple black socks stuck to his feet.

"Oh, Makoto, didn't you bring an umbrella?" His mother entered the small hallway, an anxious expression on her face.

“No, I guess I forgot. I’m sorry.” He tried to calm her worries with a small smile and promised to take a warm shower straight away. He took one last glance through the window, the weather still as bad as it was. _The only thing rain does is make the world even more grey_ – he thought with a solemn grimace as he wished for it to stop, _removing the remains of the shades I once loved, stripping it down to just a bare **grey.**  _

 

 

...

 

 

“It’s _they’re_ , not _their_ ” Makoto pointed with his pen at the paper in front of Ran. “You keep mixing them up.”

“Ha ha, how do you not know that?” her twin asked, boasting at his sister and sticking his tongue out for good measure.

“ _You_ keep using female pronouns for guys, Ren” Makoto teased back, knowing quite well how neither of his two siblings would become English teachers in the near future.

They’ve been at it for about three hours now, his siblings’ concentration dwindling down to zero and if Makoto was being honest, he wasn’t doing much better either. He caught himself almost trying to correct one of the rare faultless sentences in Ren’s notebook.

“Can you not tell the difference between a boy and a girl? _John_ is CLEARLY a _guy_ and you called him a _she_!” Ran was now waving around her sibling’s answers, ready to start a full blown fight.

“Okay, okay, calm down you too, I’m sure you can do this if you just focus.” But even as he said it, Makoto knew there was no chance for the twins to find any more patience today and they’d all just have to hope a good night’s sleep and a clear head tomorrow would do the trick. REALLY hope for it.

His mother managed to stop the argument just in time and promised they could watch an episode of their new favourite show if they read the examples one last time before bed. Ran and Ren settled down on opposite ends of the couch in protest, but their quarrel was soon forgotten when the main character (that they both loved) swooshed down half a dozen flights of stairs to stop the robber in his tracks. He delivered a perfect kick to the enemy’s right knee and the chase was done. One more hook aimed at the stomach and the robber was unconscious, the hero detective already taking a pair of handcuffs out of his pocket.

By the time the episode was over, they were both smiling and discussing their favourite character’s fighting abilities. Makoto wondered why he even worried about them when they would always make up in the end.

A phone buzzed in his pocket and he pulled it out to check what happened.

1 NEW MESSAGE FROM HAZUKI NAGISA – it said.

 

“Hey, Mako-chan! :D Forgot to tell you I cancelled the practice today because of the rain. There was just nothing else to do, you know? J All the freshmen agreed as well! ;) And I wanted to swim, too…  Morano-kun said there was a guy looking for you because he wanted to join the team, but most of us already left by then. Did you find another freshman that wasn’t in any clubs yet??? He said the guy was like awesome! :O :O :O”

 

He was well aware of the fact that Nagisa made the right decision as the rain was preventing them from running or exercising outside, let alone swimming in the pool while it was so cold, but a part of him wondered just how strict of a captain his younger friend would be. _Not that he was in any way authoritarian himself._

He read the message again, trying to ignore the excessive use of emojis but smiling at Nagisa’s carefree writing style. And even though his mind was too busy to worry about anything until now, this moment of relaxation brought back thoughts of the new transfer student, his confident grin and the words: “You will now”.

At the time, he just shrugged it off and blamed it on the newcomer’s boldness, but he couldn’t stop wondering if maybe there was a way for them to become a _real_ club. _Maybe if he was to step down from his position as captain a little early and Matsouka-kun encouraged the freshman to apply for the tournament…_

 

 

…

 

 

The morning after, Makoto was putting his freshly made bento into his school bag, keeping an eye on the twins and their messy way of arranging their books. Both of them seemed slightly anxious about the upcoming test, but he asked them a few questions they had rehearsed the previous day and they showed some progress. With a few more days at their disposal, he was sure his siblings could walk into that classroom with confidence, but for now, this would have to do. His mother packed them all an extra treat for working so hard and genuinely smiled to encourage them. It was at times like those that Makoto admired his mother’s strength and positivity to send off each family member with a smile on their face.

He reached for the umbrella he had forgotten to bring the day before, but his mother stopped him.

“Oh, honey, the rain is gone, the weather report promised us a nice and sunny day. Didn’t you watch the news last night?” she asked, already putting away the umbrella whilst also helping Ren zip his jacket.

Makoto muttered some lame excuse about it slipping his mind, but if he was being completely honest, he didn’t even remember watching the news, his mind too busy worrying about the club and his lack of motivation.

They all exited the house a few minutes later, the twins running ahead in their usual cheery mood, leaving Makoto to walk a bit further behind. His gaze followed his siblings kicking rocks on the pavement, laughing when one of them missed or sent the rock flying off the curb.

He scanned the familiar street with his eyes, the place that always seemed to stay the same. Most of his neighbours were older residents, with a few middle-aged couples whose children moved away for work or college. Makoto and his siblings were the youngest ones around, which he found a bit lonely up until Ran and Ren were born.

He looked up the winding path of stairs to a lonely building at their top, a cosy two-storey traditional house. Before he could stop himself, his mind searched for the old lady and her chair positioned in front of the house, a beautiful white cat gently purring in her lap. She was always up this early in the morning and, unless it snowed heavily, she would be right there every day he went to school. Sometimes, she would be baking cookies since dawn and Makoto could tell right away because she would wave her shaky hand in the air and invite him over. And Makoto always came to say good morning and bring her groceries his parents bought for their neighbour because she was getting too weak to walk to the market.

There was something about her affectionate smile, the light grey hair falling down her shoulders, her soft, light grey eyes and a billion wrinkles that lined them that warmed Makoto’s heart. He’d take the offered cookie, take some for his siblings as well and pet the friendly cat that would flick her tail in acknowledgment. It took Makoto a while to realise he didn’t actually know her name and just called her “Grandma” for years.

But now her chair was gone, the front porch deserted and lifeless. Makoto knew the windows would all be closed, the blinds shut, the doors locked and all the dishes neatly stacked away in their cupboards, with no one to use them. For the first couple of days, that same cat still guarded the entrance, now sitting on the floor, her white fur glistening in the sun. _Shiroo,_ he knew was the cat’s name, as he heard it a million times before, with a gentle and loving sound to it when _Grandma_ spoke to her.

But he hasn’t seen Shiroo in over two weeks now. Makoto asked his parents about it but they didn’t seem very troubled by that fact, commenting on how cats are very resourceful and she was sure to find a new home. Makoto supposed they were right.

He wanted to look away as soon as possible, the image of the abandoned house nothing he wished to think about. He hated how ominous it looked, resented the new darker shades of grey for obscuring the lightness and positivity that used to beam from all the windows and the old lady’s eyes. _There was enough darkness in the world as it is._

But he couldn’t look away. His eyes stayed cemented on the sight above him, on that one window on the first floor, the one in the furthest left corner, the one that was supposed to be closed just like the rest of them. But it wasn’t. A light grey curtain flapped on the wind, stretching its ends outside, trying to reach the world, trying to get to Makoto.

 _Who’s there?_ His mind shouted, screamed at him. _Go up there!_ It told him. _RUN!_ It commanded. But his legs stayed frozen in place, unlike the soft fabric of the curtain unable to stay still.

 _A house agency must’ve come to assess its condition. Maybe they’re planning to sell it. Maybe they’re checking if everything’s working or if the place needed to be fixed._ The rational part of his brain kicked in, but the other part, the louder one, it didn’t listen.

 _Just a quick check_ – he told himself. _Just to make sure the window hadn’t opened on its own or someone broke in_ – his thoughts convinced him. His foot took the first step towards the stairs, but the shouting brought his mind back to the present.

“Makotooooo, we’ll be late, hurry up!” Ren yelled, a displeased look on his face, wondering why his brother would go up to stairs to see no one.

“Yeeeeees, we have this test, you know?” Ran added, shaking her head in an effort to imitate their mother when she disapproved of their actions.

Makoto felt the pull grow weaker, his mind coming to its senses and lose the initial will to run up the stairs. One deep breath and one last glance at the – closed window. He didn’t understand what happened and he must’ve been mistaken, as there was no way he had seen a slender hand close it just a split second before, quelling the curtains and Makoto’s will to act. He shook his head slightly, the image of the bright blue water flashed in front of his eyes again, uninvited and with no regard to his current state. But he blinked it away and took one more step, this time towards his siblings and reality, leaving the memories behind.

Or at least he tried.

 

 

...

 

 

 

Rei and Nagisa stretched out the last lane dividers across the pool, separating it into six even sections. The water was crystal clear, reflecting the clear skies of a sunny afternoon, not a single cloud in sight. The three of them had been working on cleaning and refilling the pool for over three hours now, but it seemed everything was finally in place. The bottom of the pool was scrubbed clean, the diving boards wiped off and the lanes ready for that first race of the season.

“Wow, look at the pool!” The freshmen started approaching them, scanning the pool with their eyes wide open and realising the boring indoor training had come to an end. Their training regime for the colder months mostly consisted of working out at the gym and running, with no indoor pool to use for swimming at school and very limited budget for their small club that couldn’t afford them membership at the pools in town.

“Did you do all work without us?” Morano asked in surprise, a look of guilt spread on his face.

“Ehm, yes, we thought that it would be good to, you know, clean it up for you guys and maybe that we could-“ Rei fumbled with his words, his cheeks becoming a slightly darker shade of grey than usual when three of his underclassmen stared at him, waiting for an explanation.

“What Rei is trying to say… is that we thought of this as a prise for completing your indoor training over the past few months without protest, even though we all understand you joined our club so you could be able to swim.” Makoto finished the explanation and felt a genuine smile find its way to his lips as his fellow club-members enthusiastically exchanged a high-five and grinned back at him. What Makoto didn’t mention to anyone, not even Rei and Nagisa, was that he secretly hoped the pool would serve as a motivational tool and encourage everyone to work a bit harder this year.

“Thank you for your hard work!” Komiki yelled out, a boy with jet-black hair kept short and almost as tall as Rei, but unlike the older boy who kept in shape by being on the Track team, Komiki had only just started working out a few months ago, which meant he had the worst scores in all of the tests they’d done. In spite of that, Makoto quite liked his teammate and had to admit the boy made a lot of progress during winter.

“Mako-chaaaaan, can we do the race noooow?” came from his shorter friend, already clutching a stopwatch in his right hand and a devilish smirk on his face. Makoto wasn’t sure if Nagisa was more eager to jump in the water himself or pin them all against each other and watch from the side-lines.

To answer his question, Nagisa quickly rallied up their three youngest members, ushered them towards the changing rooms and immediately had all three of them preparing to step onto the diving board. Whilst the vice-captain rarely took his job seriously, when it came to swimming schedules and competing, he loved to play in charge.

Morano stood on the far left, his shoulder-length light-grey hair kept in place by a dark hair band. He was shorter than Makoto and his body was more slender than a standard swimmer’s build, but the boy was quick underneath the water and his biggest fault was the lack of upper body strength.

In the middle lane, Sento kept fidgeting with his goggles, obviously anxious to race and feeling under pressure from Nagisa’s unrivalled eagerness. A few weeks ago, Rei noted how Sento actually showed the most progress amongst the three of them, but his shy personality and uncompetitive nature made it difficult even for Makoto to notice how much potential he actually had.

Komiki stood to his right, trying to look determined, but probably scared of being last once again. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed Rei giving an encouraging “thumbs up” to his teammate, feeling slightly protective of their slowest new member.

“Ready! Set! Go!!” Nagisa yelled out, deciding in the last minute to hand over the stopwatch to Makoto instead as the younger boy clasped his hands around his mouth and cheered for all of them.

 

In the end, Makoto wasn’t surprised Morano came in first, his form and body type giving him a great lead from the start. Komiki and Sento were tied for the first couple of seconds, but Sento’s hard work and strength gave him and advantage, his kicks and powerful swings earning him the second place. Komiki looked as though all of his hopes had sunk, coming up last even after all the training he had done.

“Good work, everyone.” The captain told them, smiling at his team. “Morano-kun, you really need to work on your stamina, don’t think I didn’t notice you were running out of energy towards the end. But you’re definitely even faster than you were before. You are off cleaning duty today.” That last comment earning a wide grin from the raven-haired boy.

“I’m glad to see all of those strength exercises helped, Sento-kun. If you worked on your diving and timing a bit, you might be able to beat Morano quite soon.” A surprised look on his face told Makoto that he himself wasn’t aware of how much he progressed, but an evil look from Morano made the quiet first-grader blush.

Everyone turned their gaze to Komiki and the boy looked like he was about to dig a hole in the ground and disappear, but Nagisa took the lead before Makoto even had the chance to compliment the last racer.

“You were soooo much better than the last time you raced, Komiki-chaaaaan! Good job!” the vice-president yelled out in his usual cheery tone and hugged him, earning a small _yelp_ from a very confused Komiki. _Maybe the club won’t be doing that badly once Nagisa takes over after all…._

After a few more minutes of compliments and constructive criticism, all of the freshmen seemed a lot more relaxed and ready for the big event. Makoto, in his signature long black swimming trunks with a darker grey line on the side, stood in the middle lane.

His shorter friend was on his left, wearing one of his butterfly-patterned speedos that earned a giant blush from Rei who tried looking _everywhere_ except in the direction of his boyfriend’s swimming attire, simply because he couldn’t handle the view without passing out. Or at least that’s what Nagisa was hoping for.

Makoto couldn’t help but feel sorry for Rei, knowing quite well his teammate had a very specific ritual of rehearsing his strategy and calculating the best course of action before the dive, but instead, the guy was now hopelessly staring at his feet, his eyes closed and muttering something to himself. He thinks he heard something like “do not look, do not look, do NOT look” escape the tall boy’s lips and Makoto slightly chuckled.

But just as Morano was about to give them a signal to dive in, all of their heads spun in the direction of the pool entrance.

“Can I join?” a male voice came from behind them, Makoto unable to discern its source for a few seconds because the guest was standing right in the direction of the sun, making him squint. But as he neared closer, the familiar loose strands of a rich grey, the sharp, confident eyes and a smirk that said _I’m here to win,_ perfectly portraying the same image he had etched into his brain the day before. Still dressed in nothing but white, with his jacket unzipped, revealing an impressive six-pack and muscles every athlete could only dream of. He stood still with his right hand holding a towel and a duffel bag, his left combing through his bangs and moving them to the side.

Before anyone could respond or protest, the transfer student’s jacket was sent flying towards the benches. His bottoms soon followed, leaving the entire swimming team to gaze at the carefully sculptured back muscles and strong forearms that made Makoto wonder if he was really just a high-schooler. His swimming trunks were similar in style to Makoto’s, with only a different shade of grey that lined the sides.

With a few swift steps, he found his way to a lane to Makoto’s left and was about to get into position when everyone finally seemed to wake up from their daze and speak up at once.

“S-sure, of course it’s oka-“

“Captain, who’s _that_?”

“Aaa, you’re the guy from yeste-

“B-but y-you’re Matsuo-

“RIIIIN-CHAAAAAN!” Everyone’s gaze turned to Nagisa as the cheerful guy jumped towards the much taller transfer student and gave him a tight hug around his waist.


	5. Give It One Last Try

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Sure. Let’s do it.” The words exploded from Makoto’s lips, his mind rushing to catch up to his tongue but he was simply overwhelmed with all the memories of his earlier years of competing, the praise he had received and a genuine thrive for victory he once felt. Now all that was left was the wish to show his club members how Matsuoka would be the perfect team leader and an aching pain in his stomach that tried to mask his last effort in opening his eyes again. "If this race doesn’t do it, I’ll give up for good." And Makoto turned his gaze towards the water, giving it one last try to turn its shades of grey into a beautiful pallet of blues.

“Rin-chaaaan, it’s been so long!” Nagisa exclaimed, a wide grin on his face and arms tightly embracing his apparent acquaintance. Matsuoka lifted his eyebrows in surprise, his eyes squinting a little, taking a closer look at the messy light grey hair tickling his chest.

“Ah, _Nagisa_?! Is that you?” The tall boy replied, the familiar grin displayed on his face, this time followed by his eyes taking a much softer shape and his right hand quickly ruffling Nagias’s hair in recognition.

Before Makoto had any time to recover, his other teammate approached the reunited couple, his gaze set on the ground and right hand nervously pressing on the frame of his glasses. Rei’s footsteps stopped mere inches from Nagisa, close enough to swiftly lift Matsuoka’s hand from his boyfriend’s hair.

“Matsuoka Rin-chan-san. If you don’t mind, I would like _this_ guy back.” He said in the most serious tone Makoto had ever heard him use, making the normally apprehensive boy seem very determined, but also ridiculous in his display of jealousy.

If Rin’s reaction was any indication, he was confused and conflicted for a second or two, his hand still confined in Rei’s grip, but his eyes and mouth formed the same figure of surprise, a muffled _OOOOOOHHHH_ escaping his lips. 

“Reeeeeei-chaaaaan, don’t be like _thaaaat_ ….” Nagisa begged, but his eyes hid a splinter of satisfaction as he faked being insulted and hurt by his partner’s actions. But his arms disconnected from Matsuoka’s waist and his gentle hand on Rei’s chest had the desired effect, as the tall boy’s jaw almost dropped to the floor from the sudden touch and his grip quickly released the captivated hand of their uninvited guest.

“Okay, will one of you _please_ explain what in the earth is happening?!” Komiki yelled out, everyone’s attention drawn to the quiet group of freshmen whose widened eyes and confused faces indicated a barrage of questions ready to be fired at their upperclassmen.

“Ehm, okay, everyone – this is Matsuoka Rin-kun, he is a transfer student from Tokyo. We met in class yesterday and he seemed interested in our club. But as for the rest….” That was as far as Makoto could explain, turning towards his friends for help. “Nagisa, do you two know each other?”

“Ah, yes, it was before you joined us, Mako-chan. Iwatobi Swimming Club was at a local tournament against some of the other clubs and Rin-chan was in a rival club we were in the finals against.”

“Nagisa-senpai, you raced against this guy?” Morano asked, joining in on the discussion.

 “Weeeeell… hmm… kinda?” The short boy replied, a mysterious and somewhat embarrassed look displayed on his face.

“Ahahaha is that how you’re gonna tell the story, Nagisa?” An honest laugh came from Matsuoka, his eyes regaining their striking dose of confidence.

“Rin-chaaan, it doesn’t really matter now, does it? We did kinda race and it’s all in the past so we could just–“

“You jumped into the pool after I had won against two guys from your club, claiming it was because the coach picked them instead of you.”

“WHAAAAT?!” Both Sento and Komiki yelled in unison, Morano already on his knees and clutching his stomach from laughing too hard.

Makoto’s hand was covering his eyes before he could stop it, knowing quite well how over-the-top his younger friend was known to be. Luckily, he didn’t miss on the obvious blush spreading across Rei’s face.

“And you refused to leave the pool, splashing water at the judge that tried dragging you out and almost kicking him in the face.” Morano’s face was a dark shade of grey, banging on the floor and enjoying this way too much. _There goes the other authority figure…_

“So did you race him?” Komiki asked the transfer student, hopeful for more details.

“Nope. His coach dragged him out. Literally.” Rin finished with a smirk, but he seemed genuinely happy reminiscing about the event.

“Rei-chaaan, you meanie….” Nagisa was pouting, his arms crossed in front of his chest, refusing to look at his betrayer.

“But that doesn’t really explain why you two would be so close.” It was Rei’s turn to talk, his face colour back to normal, but his fingers still curled into an anxious fist next to his side.

“Oh, right. He also chased me down after the tournament and promised to race me another time. He got a chance a few weeks later during a friendly practice match, but needless to say his splashing techniques were much better than his swimming.” Matsuoka added with a wide grin, earning another course of laughter from the freshmen and even a smile from Rei and Makoto, who couldn’t help but feel sorry for Nagisa that was sulking on the floor.

“Nagisa, I can’t believe you challenged THE Matsuoka Rin to a race though. What were you thinking?” Rei’s tone was far gentler than before, coercing his boyfriend to look at him and answer the question.

“Wait, Rei, how do _you_ know about Matsuoka-kun?” It was Makoto’s turn to ask a question in confusion, remembering how Rei yelled out the newcomer’s name way before he had a chance to hear it.

Instead of an answer, the boy looked almost insulted, adjusting his glasses once again and Makoto recognised it as sign of an incoming lecture.

“What? Do you guys _not_ know who this is?” the entire team shaking their heads left to right caused an exasperated sigh from Rei.

“Matsuoka Rin. One of the newest additions to Japan’s National Swimming Team. I think he got accepted just a few months ago while he was in Tokyo.”

Everyone’s eyes turned back towards Matsuoka, their faces portraying the same unsaid question – why was this glorified swimmer with his magnificent muscles standing in front of them?

“Hmm, you guys alright over there? I figured you knew, aren’t you supposed to be up to date with some basic sports news. You _do_ swim here, right?” Rin’s face turned into a giant smirk, his cocky self back into action, but somehow shrugging off his amazing accomplishments in the process. _Is that what national-level athletes are like?_

Makoto noticed a slight nod of approval coming from Rei, their earlier misunderstanding straightened out after the explanation of Nagisa and Rin’s story, as he joined his new ally in a slight act of disapproval towards his teammates and their lack of basic sports knowledge.

“I-I’m sorry, Matsuoka-kun… I didn’t know either.” The captain was first to apologise, silently reminding himself to finally take some time to go through one of those _Swimming World_ magazines that were collecting dust in some distant corner of their club room.

“Don’t worry about it.” An honest response came from the forthcoming swimming star and Makoto was thankful the guy didn’t seem to hold a grudge and care much about customs.

“But I can make sure you don’t forget about it.” Another smug look and a flick of his silky hair as Matsuoka locked his eyes with Makoto’s, issuing a challenge.

Makoto felt a shiver run down his spine, a feeling of a forgotten mix of excitement and anxiousness that followed him to every tournament. His fingers curled up in a fist, trying to calm himself down from the rush of emotions running through his body. He was scared – no, terrified, concerned with how much of an embarrassment this race would be. He felt the urge to run away, towards the club room and then onwards to his house, to curl up on his bed and turn on the TV to stop his mind from thinking back to his humiliation. He wanted to refuse, finally finding a reason to step down from his position as captain, his abilities not just inferior but probably pathetic in comparison to a world-class elite.

“Sure. Let’s do it.” The words exploded from Makoto’s lips, his mind rushing to catch up to his tongue but he was simply overwhelmed with all the memories of his earlier years of competing, the praise he had received and a genuine thrive for victory he once felt. Now all that was left was the wish to show his club members how Matsuoka would be the perfect team leader and an aching pain in his stomach that tried to mask his last effort in opening his eyes again. _If this race doesn’t do it, I’ll give up for good._ And Makoto turned his gaze towards the water, giving it one last try to turn its shades of grey into a beautiful pallet of blues.

 

 

“Ready!” Morano started the countdown as the swimmers got into position. Nagisa and his eye-catching speedos in the first lane, followed by Rin’s focused gaze and a grin of excitement in the third lane. Makoto was stationed right next to the transfer student, struggling to hear Morano’s countdown from his heart thumping in his chest. He was already in the water, unlike the other boys, as they agreed everyone should pick a style they had the most confidence in so Makoto was ready to push against the pool wall and swing his arms backwards. In the last lane, Rei was looking a little pale, his short swimming carrier definitely not prepared to be pinned against a national swimmer.

“Set!” Makoto’s hands tightly gripped the touch pad connected to the pool rim. His fingers were pale and tense, afraid of slipping and ruining the initial dive. The familiar feel of swimming goggles framed his eyes, making it easier to ignore his surroundings and keep his gaze forward, waiting for that last signal, waiting to look up at the grey sky whilst his hands leaded him towards his goal.

“Go!!!” Morino’s voiced echoed in his ears, his body pushing hard against the wall and his arms extending backwards, forming an inverted arch above the water surface. Before his fingers could even graze the surface, his view of the sun was obscured by a fast-approaching shadow. Makoto’s eyes widened in surprise as they caught a glimpse of the diver in the adjacent lane. Matsuoka’s perfectly sculptured abdomen towering above him, his body forming a perfect curve, his muscles taut and hands prepared to pierce the water. _The perfect dive, easily rivalling those that Rei keeps showing us in his books._

Makoto finally dove underwater, ready to start the familiar left arm – right arm alternation, but instead of focusing on his own swimming, sounds of a powerful force hitting the peaceful pool water resonated in his mind. It wasn’t the water around him, no. It was the stranger’s harsh and assertive strokes that made him feel weak and powerless, unable to even muster the strength to try his best.

Rin’s powerful freestyle, his dominant leg kicks and the force with which he broke the surface tension with each stroke demanded nothing less than pure respect. Just as Makoto’s fingertips grazed the other side of the pool, his opponent lunged himself in the opposite direction, executing an effortless spin. _Helpless. Pathetic. Incompetent. Weak._ But he couldn’t blame anyone else. It wasn’t Matusoka’s fault. Nor the team’s. It was Makoto that abandoned his thrive and will to improve. There was no one else to blame and that hurt him the most.

“Wooohooo, Matsuoka-senpai! That was amazing!” The small group of impressed youngsters gathered around Rin’s smirking face before Makoto and his friends even had a chance to stand up. He knew he came in second, not a terrible place to find himself in, but he was anything but unaware of how pathetic his swimming was. Nagisa barely won against Rei, both of them reaching the end about a second after Makoto. _Now all that’s left is to ask him to take over the club and then everyone could have a chance at –_

Before Makoto managed to reach them, the newcomer’s hand circled around his and helped him up. Still slightly slouched, Rin’s faint voice muttered just one sentence next to his ear, the kind that only Makoto could hear.

“When did you give up?”

Matsuoka realised right away it had been years, after only one short race. Not even Makoto remembered when exactly it had happened.

 

 

…

 

 

“Tachibana-kun, why do you swim?” He asked out of the blue, this incredible guy whose sole existence was the exact opposite of Makoto's. They had issued a break after the swim, Makoto taking a moment to discuss a short plan for the rest of their practice with Rei and Nagisa, the freshmen still gathered around Rin and asking him dozens of questions about his own training regime. All of a sudden, everyone’s attention turned towards the recipient of Matsuoka’s question and Makoto had to fight the urge to throw up.

Matsuoka was confident, direct, a person whose eyes had that spark that ignited when they got to do the things they loved. He had something like that, this guy. Something he was good at, a purpose and goal, and he found the means to make his dreams come true.

_What did Makoto have for show? A pathetic lack of any hits of courage, his list of dreams and aspirations empty and without that drive to keep him going, to make him work hard at something, anything_. Makoto felt empty, unfulfilled, unsatisfactory.

_Why do you swim?_

His mind swirled around the answer.

_Why did he swim?_

There was a time when his mind immediately embraced the reasons for his actions. He definitely knew at some point.

_What was it again?_

_Why do you swim? Why do you swim? Why do you swim? Why???_

But his inability to answer and the creeping anxious thoughts invading his mind suddenly dispersed, returning Makoto’s attention back to Rin.

“Ah, there you are! You got held up, is everything okay?” Rin's slightly worried voice was directed at something or someone behind them. Makoto felt his pulse pick up, his heart thump against his chest and his mind commanding his body to turn around, abandoning the endless array of pointless questions consuming his thoughts. 

His eyes darted towards the entrance to the pool area, the only gates leading towards him and the rest of the team. Unsure of what he was expecting because his mind seemed not to care about thoughts or explanations at the moment, simply directing his gaze straight towards the direction of Rin's spoken words.

And the world stopped for a moment as Makoto dared not to blink.

The winds picked up around him, carrying the scent of salt and sea right towards Makoto and ruffling the newcomer's hair that swiftly spun around his narrow face. The familiar white school uniform that he saw on Rin, its beautiful pureness complimenting the slender boy's figure and his jet black hair. But it was the eyes, his widened irises staring in shock that captivated Makoto and took his breath away. The rich blue, the kind you would find diving in the deepest parts of the ocean, swallowing Makoto’s attention.

Makoto's eyes were violently attacked with a sudden rush of light and dark and everything imaginable that fit in between. The area around the stranger turned into different shades of green, the fresh leaf buds greeting the world with their presence, perfectly decorating the dark brown tree branches. Makoto’s head jerked around hastily, absorbing it all in, trying to take in every detail of every new colour and shade Makoto had never seen before. No – he had seen it before, but this time it felt a thousand times more intense.

Something screamed and shouted in his mind, his thoughts still unable to form as an unmistakable hue of greys started falling over his eyes, blurring his vision. He distantly felt his hand trying to grip the flat cement on the floor, looking for a way to steady himself. But his vision became blurry, the colours and shapes slowly leaving his mind and his eyelids closing against his will, all in a matter of seconds.

The last thing that stayed carved into his brain was the terror engulfed in a sea of blue and the soft strands of black running towards the exit, leaving Makoto in complete and utter darkness.    


	6. Give Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Ah, he’s opening his eyes!” And Morano was right, their captain’s eyelids fluttering slightly, his eyebrows coming together in a small furrow. Makoto’s head hurt like hell and there were still remnants of broken, greyed out images lingering in front of his eyes. He realised he was lying on the cold tiles next to their pool, his head supported by a soft bundle of fabric. 
> 
> “Makoto-senpai, are you alright?” came from one of his teammates, Makoto still unable to discern who the voice belonged to.
> 
> “Y-yeah, I-I think so?” He tried slowly lifting his head and the world kept spinning for a few seconds, but when things came back to normal, their usual grey self, Makoto felt both relief from coming back to normality – and agony from his reality staying the same.

“Makoto! Makoto-senpai!”

“Makoooo-chaaaaaaan, don’t die on meee!”

“Hazuki-kun, you need to step aside, Tachibana-kun needs some air right now. He will be alright, I think he just fell unconscious.”

“Come on, Nagisa, we should do what sensei says, you’re not helping Makoto-senpai by clinging to him right now.” Rei placed his gentle hands on his partner’s shoulders, slowly lifting him away from the floor and giving them all some space.

“Tachibana-kun, can you hear me?” Miss Ama-chan asked in a worried manner, her hands checking Makoto’s pulse and trying to wake him up.

“Should we call an ambulance?” A worried cluster of freshmen asked from a few feet away, their eyes shifting from Makoto’s lifeless body to his homeroom teacher.

 

_Why did this happen? They were there, I know they were, they came back. No – **he** brought them back. The raven haired boy with the bluest eyes in the planet. It was so beautiful… But why did they disappear? Why did **he** disappear? Again…_

 

“Ah, he’s opening his eyes!” And Morano was right, their captain’s eyelids fluttering slightly, his eyebrows coming together in a small furrow. Makoto’s head hurt like hell and there were still remnants of broken, greyed out images lingering in front of his eyes. He realised he was lying on the cold tiles next to their pool, his head supported by a soft bundle of fabric.

“Makoto-senpai, are you alright?” came from one of his teammates, Makoto still unable to discern who the voice belonged to.

“Y-yeah, I-I think so?” He tried slowly lifting his head and the world kept spinning for a few seconds, but when things came back to normal, their usual grey self, Makoto felt both relief from coming back to normality – and agony from his reality staying the same.

“Mako-chan, what happened?” Nagisa’s arms wrapped carefully around his friend’s neck, making sure the taller boy was alright.

“Alright, everyone, I will have to ask all of you to go home. Tachibana-kun, I could drive you home myself if you would like?” Ama-chan’s warm eyes looked down at Makoto’s and he felt a genuine hint of worry in her voice.

“I-I don’t think that’s necessary, I think I just got slightly lightheaded from the race and everything that was going on.” Makoto offered her a smile, a fake one, but the best one he could muster under these circumstances. He really wanted to avoid concerning his parents with this and was pretty sure he would be perfectly fine during a short walk home.

“We could go with him! Right, Rei-chan?” Nagisa enthusiastically exclaimed, his small hands still holding onto Makoto’s.

“Of course. Is that okay, Makoto-senpai?” Rei quickly agreed to the proposition.

“Yes, that’s a good idea. Tachibana-kun, I really don’t feel comfortable letting you go home on your own.”

Makoto sensed how there was no way of fighting it and accepted his friends’ offer to walk him home. Not that he had any problems with it and he appreciated the concern, but he fretted the questions that were undoubtedly bound to be asked. He slowly got up, picking up the improvised pillow from floor – that he recognised to be Rin’s white jacket, and leaving the school premises with his two best friends.

 

“So, Makoto-senpai, what exactly happened there?” Just as anticipated, Rin’s analysing eyes stared deep into Makoto’s waiting for an explanation.

“I-I told you… I just felt dizzy and collapsed all of a sudden and-“ 

“And the fact that mere seconds before that, another guy showed up and looked completely mortified when he noticed you and then Matsuoka-senpai barely managed to catch you before you hit your head on the tiles?” His glasses were secured at the top of his nose, the serious tone of his voice indicating how he wasn’t going to let this go.

“Wait, Rin did that?”

“Yup… and he quickly grabbed his jacket and placed it under your head. Then he commanded Komiki to get Ama-sensei and ran off after that guy before any of us got a chance to speak.” Nagisa added, the smaller boy showing a characteristic note of determination.

“I-I didn’t know Rin did that for me…”

“Of course not, you were unconscious, Makoto-senpai.”

“Haha, I guess that _is_ true…” Makoto tried, but his chest tightened at the thought that a guy he had just met and used as an excuse to give up on the club actually saved him from falling onto the ground.

“Makoto-senpai.” Rei’s words were gentle and considerate, but also making it quite clear he needed to know what had happened in order to help. “Please, tell us what’s wrong.”

“Yeees, Mako-chaaan, we were so worried about you!” His boyfriend added, clutching Makoto’s hand, a pleading look in his eyes that made Makoto feel awfully guilty for putting his friends through this, but also for hiding the truth for so long.

“I… I was just tired, that’s all. And I really don’t know who that guy was…”

Both of his companions were on the verge of protesting when Makoto realised they had reached his street and he had a decent excuse to send them off. After a minute or two of complaints from Nagisa, Rei finally caved in and dragged the smaller boy in the opposite direction, but not before giving Makoto that knowing look that meant he didn’t believe a word Makoto had said and this was far from over.

As soon as his friends turned around the corner leading towards the train station and away from Makoto’s house, he took a deep breath and a moment to gather his bearings. His head was still throbbing a little, the nauseous feeling in his gut telling him there was definitely something else that caused him to lose consciousness, not just an innocent exhaustion.

He realised he subconsciously stopped right at the small crossroad, the path to the right leading towards his house and the one on his left reaching the foot of the stairs. Makoto couldn’t stop himself, his head was directed upwards, giving his eyes the opportunity to inspect the supposedly abandoned house at the top.

_Yup, there it was again._ The left window on the first floor was open, the curtains motionless with no wind to provoke them. _Someone must’ve bought the house…_ He wondered if his parents already visited their new neighbours, maybe brought them some of his mother’s famous tempura.

His headache was getting worse so Makoto rushed towards his doorstep, greeting his family and joining them for lunch. Trying to pretend everything was normal, ignoring the feeling of uneasiness and afraid of letting his thoughts run wild. He knew quite well how badly things could get if he hadn’t stopped himself from thinking back to the sudden rush of something so real.

 

 

Makoto closed the doors to his room, gently placing his school bag next to the desk. His hands instinctively reached for the small dolphin plush toy that got slightly wedged between some of his books. The fabric felt soft against his fingers, slightly worn from years of carrying it around anywhere he went. It started as a reminder of that day at the waterpark and the colours that came to him, always giving his hidden thoughts a little nudge. Makoto stared at its small crystal black eyes and images of real-life dolphins jumping out of the water flashed in his mind. The way their fins would graze the surface, producing a few welcoming squeaks and then diving back into the great blueness of the ocean.

He shook his head and sighed, silently scolding himself for his habits of inducing these vivid images, when the real thing had him nauseous and unconscious in a matter of seconds. _Is this really what I wanted?_ He asked himself, unable to understand why after years and years of desperate searching, he couldn’t feel any sort of happiness or satisfaction from getting to see those lively images again. The only things he felt were the uneasiness and apprehension, followed by the unmistakable familiarity of his soulmate disappearing once again. And this time, Makoto saw it with his own eyes, the person’s horrified gaze and the urgency with which he ran away. _He didn’t want to be there. At least now I am sure._

It took some effort, but he managed to focus on the task he had to do before going to sleep. The dolphin set aside, he looked for the piece of paper tucked neatly into his English book and placed it on his desk.

 

 

**For:** _Tachibana Makoto, president of the Iwatobi Swimming Club_

**Purpose:** _Naming the club representatives and a short plan for the upcoming school year_

**Please write down the names of all current club members and a short summary concerning the future of the club.**

**Additional notes:** _Tachibana-kun, as a third-year student, you need to decide whether you want to continue leading the club until the end of the semester or you are going to transfer those duties to another member. Keep in mind that your plans for the future require some thought and you might need the time to prepare for college entrance exams. “Life is a comedy to those who think, a tragedy to those who feel.” – Jean Racine._

_Amakata Miho_

**Do you wish to name a new club president? If yes, write down the name of the suggested club member.**

 

**YES                            NO**

**Suggestion for the new club president:** _______________________

 

Makoto read Ama-chan sensei’s neat handwriting multiple times, his mind repeatedly coming back to all of his thoughts of giving up. _This is it_ – he thought. _It’s like they’ve given me a way out._ All he needed to do was circle **YES** and write down Nagisa’s name and it would all be over. His teammates would be sad, of course. But they would come to understand that Makoto wanted to focus on his studies. After all, most third-years discontinued with their club duties and studied for the finals or entrance exams. It would be perfectly reasonable for Makoto, who was a good student and everyone assumed he’d continue his education, to stop leading a small club that presented no real results. _Yes, that’s all I’d have to say. And everyone would have to agree that preparing for college is more important than swimming._ Makoto’s thoughts arranged themselves in perfect order, finally seeing a solution. What his mind didn’t want to think about was the fact that he himself still hadn’t decided on what he wanted to do and whether college was the right choice for him. But he strongly believed that swimming was the wrong one.

 

He filled in the first list in under a minute, their small assortment of members easy to write down. His hand stopped for a second at the thought of Matsuoka and his interest in the club, but the transfer student still hadn’t applied for a membership so Makoto ignored the urge to include him on the list.

The programme didn’t pose much of an issue either, filling the blank space with enthusiastic thoughts all clubs mentioned. _Assemble a few more members, increase the training frequencies and aim for the tournaments. Work hard on the cooperation between members and encourage them to improve their personal results._ All the things Makoto failed to do, but constantly swirling around his mind.

**Do you wish to name a new club president?**

He did, that was what he wanted all along. To leave the club to someone that would pour more energy into it, someone that wanted to improve and work hard and all the other things he wrote down under the summarised plan. It was Nagisa that wanted to form the club in the first place, his ambition and love for swimming, not to mention his great sense of teamwork. _Yes, it will be better once Nagisa takes over. Maybe next year, I could come see them at a tournament and feel like I’ve done at least one thing right that got them to that point._

But his hand lingered above the two possible answers, his mind clearly telling him which one to pick, but a contained rumble in his stomach stopped him from acting. _Why? Why am I rethinking it now?_

Makoto brought his hand down towards the **YES** , the tip of his pencil gently touching the paper. The last thing he had to do was just draw one little circle and fill in his friend’s name, apologise to his team members during the next practice and pretend to devote himself to studying for the next couple of months. That would also give him the chance to get some alone time and he wouldn’t be seeing the other guys as much. They would never find out.

One thin, very uneven grey line later, Makoto put the paper back into his bag with all the books he needed for the next day, automatically placing the soft plush toy on top and zipping it up. _Tomorrow is the last day._

 

 

…

 

 

Makoto checked his phone and realised he had another 10 minutes before his first lesson was about to start. He turned left towards the corridor and started walking towards the staff room. His hand was tightly clutching the paper that he had filled in the previous night, determined to turn it in and leave the club. To his surprise, the doors to the teachers’ room were open and he heard some commotion coming from the inside.

His footsteps stopped just a few feet short of reaching the doors, his legs forgetting how to function as images of a raging burst of waves hitting the docks exploded in his head. He saw them clearly, the infinite amount of blue entangled with white sea foam, stimulated by the slightly raised voice reaching his ears.

“I can’t stay here.” The hint of sharpness in his voice and the apparent dissatisfaction immediately portrayed in a rush of darker coloured water in front of Makoto’s eyes.

“I don’t understand, Nanase-kun. You just enrolled in our school the day before yesterday.” Someone responded to him, an older male voice that belonged to one of the teachers Makoto couldn’t think of at the moment.

“I changed my mind.” The boy replied, the tone of his voice determined and unwavering, like the unbeatable waves during a raging storm.

“I-I don’t know what to say. We got a notion that you insisted on transferring schools in the middle of the semester for family reasons and we were happy to help…” The teacher couldn’t wrap his head around the new student’s thoughts.

“I need to leave. I’ll find a different school.” The grey surrounding Makoto started changing in shade, the corridor covered in a veil of darkness. The familiar pristine white walls looked worn out, abandoned, sad. His hand touched their cold surface, helping him keep his balance against the barrage of emotions he felt. _Urgency, fear, worry… I can see them._ He recognised every single feeling in that stranger’s voice, how persistent he was, how anxious to disappear.

Makoto’s own painful thoughts hit him as well, describing how utterly miserable he felt. He had no way of knowing why this boy was standing a few short metres away, desperately pleading to stop going to his school. The familiar feelings returned, the weight of being unwanted, avoided. The same ones that tormented him for years after that miserable day at the pool when his soulmate made the decision of staying hidden. He didn’t have to ask, the reason was excruciatingly clear and every shade of grey displayed on the walls told him the truth. It was because of him.

“Nanase-kun, I believe that’s not going to be possible. Your transfer has already been completed and you signed the documents claiming you would be finishing your high school education at this school. Your parents and coach also agreed to these conditions.”

“B-but, you don’t understand, I really can’t-“

“Is everything okay?” A female voice joined the conversation and Makoto realised a second too late how it was his homeroom teacher that approached the two guys inside.

“Oh, Amakata-san, I didn’t notice you there. I’m just having a discussion with my new transfer student and there seems to be some sort of an issue that-“ Before the teacher could finish his explanation, the guy he was talking to rushed out of the room and took a sharp turn, almost bumping into Makoto.

The raven haired boy’s eyes widened in the same horrified expression, his hands mere inches from Makoto’s chest. It seemed like he was just about to form some kind of a sentence, maybe an apology or some lame excuse, but he was unable to find his voice. Instead, he stared intently at Makoto, almost as if he was waiting for something to happen.

Everything rushed towards Makoto’s chest, the tension, the emotions, his heart beating a hundred times a second, thumping so hard that Makoto heard nothing else. He felt like he was floating in the middle of the largest ocean in the world, his mind engulfed in the stranger’s deep blue eyes. His other features took shape as well, the thin pink line of his slightly open mouth, the soft red indications of a blush forming on the boy’s cheeks.

“Is there someone-“ Ama-chan’s voice led her to peek slightly through the doorway, gazing in surprise at the two students cemented in the hall, not one of them moving a muscle.

But the teacher’s voice returned the stranger’s attention back to his surroundings, as he looked at Makoto one more time, the deep blues of his irises slowing down the agitated waves in Makoto’s mind, bringing them to a calm. He closed his eyes, breaking the illusion and pushing Makoto back to the shore, to a long white corridor of his high-school.

It was unmistakeable, the sadness hidden behind the blues, the crushing misery portrayed in the stranger’s gaze. Makoto recognised it all, the feelings so familiar to him, the ones he sheltered for years in the back of his head. But to know that it was him that made someone else feel this way – that hurt him even more.

_Nanase-kun. That was his name._ The soulmate that Makoto endlessly searched for. He was finally here. And yet Makoto wanted to trade the world, the entire rainbow, everything – just so the blue eyed stranger didn’t have to feel this way. All because of him.

“No…” He muttered against his will, Makoto’s lips moving on their own as the harshness of the realisation pierced his heart. _What did I do? He didn’t want to see me, I knew that for years! What did I do?! I’M SORRY!_

But before he even began to apologise, Nanase started running, his swift movements leading him away from the staff room and leaving Makoto stranded in the hallway. The switch was turned off, all the colours drained from his reality, even the walls returning to their former white perfection.

“Tachibana-kun, are you all right?”

_No… NO! NO!!!_ He wanted to scream and yell and shout after his soulmate, but maybe this was for the better. He caused the raven boy nothing but sadness and grief, he could see it in his eyes. There was no denying it, they had a bond that unravelled Makoto’s world and showed him the most beautiful sights, the ones he yearned for. He was able to sense exactly what his soulmate was feeling and he shared his pain. But if it was Makoto that caused this pain, even if it was the hardest thing for him to do, he would sever that bond. _This is all I can do._

He turned around, barely acknowledging his homeroom teacher, and started walking in the other direction. His hand almost crushed the forgotten piece of paper, but it didn’t matter. The only thing that was important was to never cause any harm to him again. _Nanase-kun, never again. I’m done searching._   


	7. Fight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Well you said you saw him today and that it went… better?” Rin felt a glimpse of guilt at the sight of his miserable friend, but couldn’t help but smile at the position they had found themselves in. After listening to Haruka’s stories for years, he finally met the guy that put his friend into this confusing mess.
> 
> “If by better, you mean he only looked at me with the saddest expression I have ever seen on ANYONE and said nothing but a very clear ‘no’.” 
> 
> “See? He didn’t collapse this time! That’s great!”

“No, Rin, I can’t-” Haruka’s feet were trying to stay in one place, but Rin’s powerful arms were dragging his body away.

“Ahh, you don’t really have a choice, this was the deal, Haru…” His friend responded, continuing to use his overwhelming strength to pull the shorter boy away from the main school building.

“Yeah, but I didn’t know _he_ would be here! I can’t do this, Rin!” The raven haired boy was struggling to keep his bearings, unable to direct his legs to walk in the opposite direction.

“Well, I will admit that this is… slightly unfortunate… but we went through all this trouble so we could come to Iwatobi because that’s what YOU wanted, remember? You knew _he_ would be around, admit it!”

“But why is he on the swim team?” Haruka’s slight pout urged Rin to smile at his stubborn best friend and release him from his grip.

“Oh, no no no. He’s not _just_ on the team. He’s the captain.” A wide grin spread across the taller boy’s face, unable to resist the urge to tease Nanse about his unavoidable situation.

Haruka covered his face with his hands, a blush creeping up on his cheeks and his brain unable to understand why he was having the worst time of his life only a couple of days after leaving Tokyo. A groan escaped his lips in dissatisfaction, knowing quite well he just wasn’t ready to handle this quite yet.

“Well you said you saw him today and that it went… better?” Rin felt a glimpse of guilt at the sight of his miserable friend, but couldn’t help but smile at the position they had found themselves in. After listening to Haruka’s stories for years, he finally met the guy that put his friend into this confusing mess.

“If by _better_ , you mean he only looked at me with the saddest expression I have ever seen on ANYONE and said nothing but a very clear ‘no’.”

“See? He didn’t collapse this time! That’s great!” Rin had to admit that he was pushing it a little, but the situation was too funny and he couldn’t control the urge to lighten up Haruka’s mood.

“Ughhhh... I can’t do this, Rin! The poor guy literally fell unconscious the second he saw me and then he just looked completely broken! He wasn’t ready… I shouldn’t have come back…” Nanase’s black bangs covered his eyes, his arms lifelessly hanging around his body.

“Look, the guy is just shocked. You came back out of nowhere and he seemed kind of self-conscious when I met him. Maybe he just needs some time to process this. I mean, you mentioned how he really doesn’t deal well with all the colours, no wonder he fainted. It’s fineee, I’m sure it happens all the time.” Matsuoka offered, his voice achieving the most positive note he could find before giving up on coercing the other boy to follow him and going back to pulling him away by force.

“Yeah… But I still don’t understand why he’s running the club. He didn’t even _like_ swimming before…” Haruka’s eyes lightened up slightly at his friend’s positive comments, but his mind was still full of doubt and thoughts running wild.

“Great! You have something to ask him next time.” Rin was about to wrap his hands around Haruka’s wrist one more time, but the raven haired boy winced in protest and stood his ground with an unwavering determination.

“I’m not going to hurt him again, Rin, I can’t.” He grimaced, a pained tone of his voice stopping Matsuoka in his tracks and making him sigh.

“Alright… I know this wasn’t what you wanted, you had your whole plan of finding that guy again and taking things slow, but you have nowhere to go. You know quite well how long it took us to convince your parents and our coach to let you move back to Iwatobi and the only reason they agreed was because I came here with you. Now, since you already dragged me to this boring old town that I never even liked and we had to sign a billion documents on just how many trainings we would have to be doing to catch up during the summer… YOU have to go through with what you promised. That means we have to stay here for a few months, graduate and find a way to stay in shape. And it so happens that this was the ONLY school that offers a chance to swim regularly and that wanted to take us in on such a short notice!” Rin practically yelled out everything that was on his mind for the past few days and only hoped his friend would finally come to his senses.

“Dude, I’m really sorry, but we have no choice. You’re just going to have to figure out a new plan and get that Makoto guy to listen to you. We really _have_ to join that club, even if it meant you’d be giving him a rough time. He’s your soulmate, Haru.”

Haruka’s eyes were wide open and attentive, his ears absorbing every word that left Rin’s mouth and he had no way of fighting the truth that barraged his mind. He knew his friend was right and he had to go through this, but he couldn’t help the aching feeling in his stomach telling him to break the promise and leave for Tokyo. At least that way, Makoto could have all the time he needed and Haruka could come up with a new plan.

“I just wished you warned me yesterday… Maybe if I had known _he_ would be there, I wouldn’t have just showed up unannounced and maybe I’d… I don’t know, it just wasn’t fair to him…”

“I knoooow… But I had no idea! All you keep talking about is “Makoto this, Makoto that” but you never thought to mention his last name?! Man…” Rin’s exasperated face hinted at a dose of annoyance for introducing himself to Tachibana on the first day and not realising he was in fact the guy Haru couldn’t stop talking about.

“I just… I always pictured him as _Makoto…”_ Rin hit his face hard in an unstoppable _facepalm_ and cringed at his friend’s adorable face expression. He was unable to understand how a swimming prodigy that was on his way to become one of Japan’s best athletes could be this tangled up by a small-town boy that seemed to lack any sort of ambition or confidence.

“Can we go now?” He asked instead, his patience running low, but trying to understand what Haruka was going through, even though it was all foreign to him. “It’s the only way you’re going to be able to swim.”

And with that, Haruka’s eyes regained some of their usual determination, the mention of his favourite activity urging him to accept his faith. He let Rin guide him towards the familiar fence and the club room he had seen the previous day. They heard the voices of other people coming from the pool area, intertwined with sounds of water splashing the tiles around it.

 _So pretty._ Almost as if someone removed the curtains obscuring his vision, the world around Haruka exploded in a million different colours and shades. The soft melody of his soulmate’s voice was all that took for his lonely blue to be joined by many others, their company constructing the richest creations imaginable. He missed them, all of them, the way they transitioned from one shade to another, complimenting each other and creating beautiful contrasts that just couldn’t be achieved with only greys.

His eyes caught sight of the familiar blue water, the kind he was used to seeing and that never left his side, no matter how many years passed by and Makoto wasn’t around. This time, it was more than the sky and the sea that his eyes perceived, brown branches of a growing cherry-tree, the light pink petals fighting through the green leaf buds. The bright yellow lane dividers decorating the pool, their intensity so inviting, so different from the crystal clear surface. The light bronze skin tone of the tall boy’s back, his muscles glistening in the sun and drawing Haruka’s mind towards his soulmate, his wet olive-brown hair falling down his neck.

_Mako… I’m sorry… But I can’t go back now._

 

“Heeey, everyone! My friend and I would like to join the club.” Rin yelled out to draw the attention of everyone on the swimming team, the small group of six stopping their practice and turning their eyes towards the two newcomers. Haruka felt a giant lump form in the back of his throat and his previous determination forgotten when his eyes locked with the two emerald green ones in the pool. He felt the familiar rush of emotions, the pain he knew he was causing by simply being there and the confusion Makoto was still unable to deal with. He subconsciously took a step back, ready to leave again before his soulmate’s face became engulfed in sadness, but Matsuoka’s hand was already secured on his shoulder, stopping him in his tracks.

“Ah, Rin-chaaan, you’re back!” A short guy with wavy-blond hair and beautiful magenta eyes shouted at Rin, a smile spreading across his face and carrying the boy to quickly hug Matsuoka.

“Nagisa! Isn’t your _friend_ over there going to get mad at me again if you keep hugging me like this?” The last sentence was asked in a whisper, Rin’s amused eyes catching sight of an unhappy guy fixing his glasses across the pool.

“Nah, it’s alright, don’t you worry, Rin-chan!” Nagisa quickly winked at his old friend and released him from his arms. “Oh, you’re the guy that ran away yesterday!”

Haru was ready to crawl into the deepest hole he could find, just so everyone would stop staring at him in wonder and he could unhear the appointed nickname. _The guy that ran away… Great._

“This is Nanase Haruka, he is a friend of mine from Tokyo. We both moved here just a couple of days ago and we’ll be staying for a couple of months. And since we’re both on the National Team, we need somewhere to practice. That’s why we want to join the Swimming Club.” Rin quickly explained their story, knowing quite well how much his friend hated introductions and sparing him the obligation to do it on his own.

“But-but why are you _here?”_ a slender boy with shoulder-length light brown hair asked in surprise, curiously gazing at two national athletes that wanted to join their unimpressive club.

“We have a guaranteed spot on the team so it doesn’t really matter how we spend the last few months of high-school. We just decided to move to Iwatobi, both of our families come from here.” Rin decided to keep the more detailed version of the truth for himself and Haruka was glad that he did.

“Matsuoka-kun.” Haruka’s vision fluttered because of his soft voice, the blueness of the water intensifying and giving the boy’s green eyes a beautiful contrast.

“Oi, Tachibana, are you alright there? Sorry for leaving so suddenly yesterday haha.” Rin offered the captain a small smile in apology, but Haruka was well aware how his friend made sure Makoto was alright before rushing after him. He asked him about it at least five times yesterday.

“D-don’t worry about it, I’m alright, just got slightly lightheaded because of the sudden race.” Makoto smiled himself, but Haruka noticed right away how the corners of his warm eyes didn’t move at all and he knew it was a lie.

“So, you want to join the club? Both of you?” His green eyes stared towards the two boys at the entrance, awaiting their response.

“Yes. We promised our couch we would find a place to train and this seems like the best option.” Rin was the first to agree, leaving Haruka to nod slightly, his mind confused as to how Makoto was able to stare directly into his eyes and keep his gaze steady.

 _I don’t see it. I don’t see it!_ The raven haired boy’s thoughts swirled around his mind, unable to understand why he couldn’t sense what Makoto was feeling. _Is he sad? Confused? Does he hate me?_ The possible answers popping everywhere around him, but not one of them seemed right. _I don’t know!_ Unlike any time before, Haruka’s blue eyes were met by a hard emerald wall that obscured Makoto’s thoughts. He didn’t know. His worst fears awakened from their slumber and Haruka’s world darkened, a veil of grey covering his vision, only the everlasting blue keeping his company. The captain directed them towards the administrator’s office, promising to follow as soon as he was done changing into his school uniform. It left them no choice but to start walking towards the school building, Rin’s hand still on his friend’s shoulder who seemed to have forgotten how to walk.

 

“I told you he’d be okay. He even asked you a question and looked at you and he seemed fineee. Okay, maybe he was slightly flustered and embarrassed, but at least it doesn’t seem like you’re going to kill him. Right?” Rin asked as soon as they were far away from the pool area. Instead of an answer, he looked at his friend’s pondering expression and slightly nudged him with his shoulder.

“No… something’s wrong… I couldn’t see it…”

“What? The colours? I thought you said you can always see them when he’s around?”

“No. The colours were there, it was fine, but… I couldn’t see what he was thinking…”

“Oh, now you can read the guy’s mind as well? Haru, he’s your soulmate and all, I get the unicorns and rainbows, but you don’t actually think you can also SEE into his mind or something?” Rin exploded at his companion, slightly fed up by Haru’s figurative way of speaking.

“N-no. I mean, yes, kind of. But not really?” Haruka’s face was an assembly of confusion and hopelessness and it brought back memories of their countless debates on how exactly Haru was going to come back and find Makoto again.

“Ugh, Haruuu…”

“Okay, I don’t know! I could just always tell if he was happy or sad or scared… And now I couldn’t. Like he didn’t want me to know.”

“Hmm… I really don’t get it, man. I don’t know why you’re making this so complicated. You obviously want to talk to the guy – so just go talk to him. You won’t know how he’s feeling unless you try to understand him a little. You act as if you know exactly what kind of person he is after all these years.” Rin’s words struck something hidden in Haruka’s mind and he was right. _I don’t know what he’s like now._

“But what if…”

“Hmm? If what?” A slightly annoyed tone of voice reached Haruka’s ears, but he knew his friend would never actually let him leave things unfinished, even if he protested during his miserable attempts at explaining stuff.

“What if he _isn’t_ the same anymore? If he changed so much and that’s why I just don’t understand him anymore? What will I do then?”

“Nothing. Because it didn’t happen yet. So stop thinking about it and focus on trying to talk to the guy because he’s going to be here any second.” And almost on cue, the brown haired boy reached them, carrying a few pieces of paper for them to fill in.

Haruka tried to ignore the obvious awkwardness and the switch between his blue-grey reality to a very colourful one. But as he tried to look anywhere except in the direction of the emerald green eyes, he noticed the lack of variety in shades that he had access to yesterday. Whatever Makoto’s mind was trying to do, it managed to block off some of their intensity and Haruka couldn’t help but feel sad at the display. They seemed slightly faded, more uniform than before. The only ones that stayed the same were the sharp blue that always kept him company – and the newfound deep emerald green of the boy’s eyes. _Does he know how green they are?_

“O-okay, so these are the forms. We can come inside and you can fill them out, I think Ama-chan sensei is still at the staff room. She’s the supervisor for our club.” Makoto added, slightly tumbling with the words but managing to look at both Matsuoka and Nanase without diverting his gaze.

“Thanks, Tachibana!” Rin remembered to respond, visibly unaffected by Makoto’s presence.

Out of the corner of his eyes, Haruka snuck a peek at their new captain, admiring the boy’s wide shoulders and strong back muscles. Whatever made him get into swimming, it was apparent to Haruka that his soulmate kept in shape and his body hinted at his frequent strength trainings. Unlike Rin’s overwhelming physical superiority, Makoto’s physique showed security, consistency. Unlike his behaviour that displayed nothing but uneasiness and a wish to hide away in some distant corner of the world. _Mako, what happened to you?_

They wrote down their names and other personal information, followed by a short reason for wanting to join the club. _I want to swim_ – was stated in neat letters across Haruka’s application form, feeling like those words portrayed the real purpose of this club. He handed the paper back to Makoto, carefully avoiding to touch the other boy’s fingers because of the uncertainty of its consequences.

The captain signed his name at the bottom, quickly scanning over the document and raising his eyebrows slightly at something. The surprise was gone in an instant, his face regaining the same inexpressive look that Haruka resented.

“So, where do we leave these again?” Rin broke the silence, pointing at the signed forms in Tachibana’s hands.

“Ah, don’t worry about it, I’ll hand them in. Since it’s pretty late already and we weren’t going to practice for much longer, you could just join us tomorrow. Is that okay?” Makoto asked in return, his reply directed more towards Rin as the boy seemed enthusiastic to immediately start with his training.

“Are you sure? I mean, we don’t mind quickly changing and doing our own thing, we won’t interrupt your thing if-“

“It’s okay. We’ll come back tomorrow.” Haruka commented for the first time, earning a surprised look form both of the boys standing in front of him.

“O-okay then, I guess we’ll be back tomorrow…?” Matsuoka added in confusion, a dozen question marks floating around his face and glaring at his friend’s direction, but he followed Haruka out of the room without protest.

Haruka thought he heard a muffled sigh of relief coming from his soulmate’s direction, but it was already too late to turn around and check. _Just because you can hide them from me, doesn’t mean I don’t know you._ His mind regained his usual dose of assurance, accepting the fact how his encounter with Makoto came earlier than planned.

 _This time, I won’t let you push me away._ He exited the building with his friend beside him, well aware of his selfish actions, but unable to contain the need for his soulmate any longer. **_It’s time._**

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just wanted to thank everyone for the positive feedback on every single chapter and for all the kudos and bookmarks and everything else! I love hearing what the readers think about everything so feel free to leave any suggestions or ideas, I promise to read all of them. :)


	8. Hear My Voice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Makoto, dear, is everything okay?” The worried tone in her voice made Makoto feel a tremendous amount of guilt, but it didn’t stop him from reassuring his mother that he was alright, just felt slightly lightheaded so he decided to come back earlier and get some rest. 
> 
> “Of course, you should lie down. I’ll put away some food you can eat later, okay?” 
> 
> Makoto nodded slightly, thanking her and reaching the stairs that led to his bedroom.
> 
> “And Makoto? You know you can talk to us about anything, right?” He stopped dead in his tracks, unable to believe her kindness when he was doing nothing but selfishly lie about everything. 
> 
> “Yeah… I know.” He muttered quietly, his feet even heavier than before and his heart aching from all the pain he was causing everyone.

"Tachibana-kun, are you alright? You seem a bit pale.” Ama-chan sensei’s worried voice reached Makoto’s ears, his heart still beating loudly in his chest. He wasn’t alright, not one bit. His vision was blurry, he felt lightheaded and unable to regain his breath.“Y-yeah. I think I’m just tired, that’s all.” He finally found the strength to speak, but his voice sounded strained and sickly, giving him away.

“Oh, did you come here to turn in the paper I gave you yesterday?” She suddenly remembered and Makoto felt a slight blush appear on his face for having to mutter another lie.

“N-no, I left it at home. I’m sorry… But there’s two more guys interested in joining the club so if you could go through their applications?” He extended his shaky hand and left the two forms on her desk, quickly excusing himself and promising to get some rest.

His feet somehow led him back to the pool area and he barely noticed how Nagisa actually had everyone practicing their kicks in the pool. He used the last ounces of sanity and explained to his team how he wasn’t feeling well again and everyone immediately believed him based on his apparent struggle to stand on his feet.

“Mako-chan, should we walk you home again? Rei, let’s go change quickly and we can-“

“Nagisa, it’s alright, really. It’s just a ten minute walk, I’ll be fine. I just want to come home and lie down, maybe talk a nap. Okay?” He mustered a weak reassuring smile, his mind also hoping some alone time would help.

“Are you sure, Makoto-senpai?” Rei’s gaze also gave off a hint of reluctance and Makoto knew his perceptive friend needed more convincing.

“Yeah, don’t worry. I’m sure I’ll be fine by tomorrow.” Without giving anyone a chance to protest, Makoto asked all of them to go home for the day and continue the practice tomorrow. His feet quickly carried him away from the school premises and towards the familiar path home.

_Why is this happening?! I can’t stay away and protect him if he’s on the team! He looked like he’d rather be anywhere else but standing next to that pool…_ Makoto’s mind exploded into a million anxious thoughts, unable to stop them from appearing once again. Instead of finding a way to calm down, Makoto started sprinting, directing all of his attention to the alternation of his sneakers hitting the pavement, the struggle of keeping his breathing steady occupying his mind.

He reached his house in just a few short minutes, completely ignoring his surroundings and focusing on the run. His breathing was ragged and his white button-down shirt soaked with sweat, not from the physical exercise but from the exhausting encounter with his soulmate.

Makoto opened the door and quickly took off his shoes, hoping to immediately escape to his room. But his mother’s familiar smile already greeted him from the hallway entrance and there was no way he had the strength to survive a family lunch.

“Makoto, dear, is everything okay?” The worried tone in her voice made Makoto feel a tremendous amount of guilt, but it didn’t stop him from reassuring his mother that he was alright, just felt slightly lightheaded so he decided to come back earlier and get some rest.

“Of course, you should lie down. I’ll put away some food you can eat later, okay?”

Makoto nodded slightly, thanking her and reaching the stairs that led to his bedroom.

“And Makoto? You know you can talk to us about anything, right?” He stopped dead in his tracks, unable to believe her kindness when he was doing nothing but selfishly lie about everything.

“Yeah… I know.” He muttered quietly, his feet even heavier than before and his heart aching from all the pain he was causing everyone.

Reaching the safety of his own room, Makoto quickly closed the doors and exhaled, a heavy sigh escaping his mouth. And not a moment too soon because his external shield crumbled into a million pieces, his knees slamming onto the ground and hands maniacally combing through his hair.

_NO! What did I do, what did I do?! If I had just turned it in this morning, this could’ve all been avoided! Nagisa could’ve taken over the club and I wouldn’t have to hurt anyone! This way… this way I can’t leave because Rin knows! He knows that I quit a long time ago and I’m sure he would tell the other guys and then everyone would know! Nanse… Nanase would know! He already hates me! Does it really matter if he thinks I’m a complete loser that can’t even run a simple club? NO!_

His fingers pulled on the thick strands of soft hair falling down his face. He felt like his heart was going to burst out of his chest any second and his head explode from the millions of directions his thoughts were taking him to.

His mind turned back towards the moment when his eyes caught sight of that beautiful intensity and range, when his soulmate approached their pool. It took him almost a full minute to stop staring at the sudden change in perspective and focus his attention on Matsuoka’s bright burgundy hair. He didn’t know if it was possible, but he had to try something. So he focused with every ounce of his mind to ignore the raven haired boy’s presence and lock his feelings deep inside, the biggest obstacle being the brightness of the water around him and the deep blue eyes that pulled him in with an unstoppable force.

He thought it would only take a second, but when Rin explained the reason for their arrival, all of Makoto’s hopes had sunk and his chest tightened so hard he forgot how to breathe. _They would be joining the club. Every day. HE would have to look at me EVERY DAY. WHY?! He didn’t deserve that! It’s not his fault I wasn’t strong enough to step down and leave the club! It’s my fault! National athlete… Why was he cursed with this pathetic person for a soulmate?! No wonder he was so horrified the first day…_

Makoto felt something warm and wet slide down his cheek and hit the black fabric of his pants, making them even darker. Before he could stop them, a dozen other tears strolled down his cheeks and he failed to stifle a sob that followed.

_I’m sorry! I’m so sorry! Nanase…_ And Makoto stayed cemented on the floor for hours, completely drained of energy and will to get up, until his knees were sore and his eyelids swollen so he managed to drag his lifeless body towards his bed and fall asleep.

 

 

…

 

 

 

“Why did you say we’d come back tomorrow? I thought you wanted to swim?” Rin questioned his friend curiously, exiting a small grocery store.

“Hmm… He really didn’t want me there, I guess…” Haruka’s thoughtful gaze directed towards the ocean, missing the feel of water surrounding his body.

“Ugh… are you _ever_ going to talk to him?”

“I have to.” His determination causing Rin’s eyebrows to raise slightly in surprise. He was glad his friend apparently had one more thing he was passionate about, not just the obsession with being in the water as much as possible.

“Soooo how are you going to do it? And _when?”_

“I don’t know… It’s not like I can just drop by at his place. I’m pretty sure he doesn’t even know we’re neighbours.”

“Well you did kind of hide at your grandma’s house and refused to leave for days…”

Haruka sighed slightly, but he had to admit he really was avoiding any chance for him to run into Makoto. Or, at least that was the plan until he was forced to join the Swimming Club.

“What if… he can’t handle this? You know… Me?”

“Okay, dude, you really have to stop. I can’t help you this way. Just go and talk to the guy, explain everything to him. How about that?”

“I don’t know…” _What if I hurt him again?_

They climbed the stairs towards Haruka’s new home, a cosy traditional house he loved as a child. Everything still reminded him of the days he spent there, his younger self running towards the ocean. The place barely changed, almost as if frozen in time. His grandmother’s glasses were still neatly placed on the table, next to her favourite armchair covered by a warm winter blanket. A copy of _Hyakunin Isshu_ still decorated the small table in the living room and it took one glance for Haruka to remember listening to his grandmother’s voice reciting poems after dinner.

“What are we having for lunch?” Rin’s question awoke him from his reminiscing and he went to place the shopping bags on the kitchen counter.

“Mackerel.”

“Ughhh, why did I even ask...” But Rin’s annoyed look was soon replaced by a smile as the raven haired boy’s hands rummaged through the cupboards in search of utensils. Out of the entire house, Haruka only used the kitchen downstairs and one of the bedrooms on the first floor that used to be his. The rest of the place was still intact, savouring the last remains of the woman he loved so much.

“You know he might faint again tomorrow when you show up practically naked and start stretching right in front of him?” Rin asked out of the blue, his amused smirk stabbing Haruka in the back and making him grunt in annoyance.

“It’s not like I have a choice… I told you he never liked swimming...” Haruka felt bad for Makoto, but he had to admit that seeing his soulmate in the pool earlier wasn’t exactly easy for him either.

“But you’re sure it was him at that waterpark years ago, right?”

“Yeah… It was definitely him.”

“Dude, you stayed underwater for so long, I thought you’d drown.” Rin’s laughter filled the room and Haruka both cringed and slightly blushed at the mention of the event. He was there with Rin and his sister because they had won free entrance tickets at a small swimming tournament in Tokyo. All of a sudden, his eyes had opened wide in surprise at the outburst of colour and he knew right away it had to be Makoto. He had dived underwater and vowed to stay there until his soulmate was far away, but his lungs ached for air and he had to breathe in. Luckily for him, by the time his eyes opened again, the area around him had turned to grey, only the water remaining its usual blue self. It was way too soon for Makoto to see him again, he was sure of it. _It was still too soon. I took that choice away from him._

Haruka was busy with preparing food for both of them because the one time when Rin wanted to help, he almost set the entire kitchen on fire by burning a batch of pancakes and Haruka chased him away. Therefore, the other boy was looking around the living room and finding something to amuse himself with.

“Oh my God, Haru, what is this?!” A shout came from behind and he almost dropped a knife in surprise, but managed to tighten his grip around the handle at the last second.

“Hmm? What is what?”

“There’s like a hundred boxes in here! You still haven’t unpacked?!”

Haruka closed his eyes in discontent, knowing quite well how much he wanted to avoid talking about that.

“Didn’t have time.”

“Dude, you’ve been locked up in here for days, what do you mean?! This is ridiculous!”

A groan escaped Haruka’s lips and he wanted to barge in there and pull Rin back towards the kitchen, but he was scared of leaving the fish unattended, knowing quite well how only a few short seconds could ruin a perfect meal.

“Just let it go, Rin.”

“Oh, no. Not happening. You gotta get over this idea of yours, you’re not running away, there’s no way to go, buddy.” A sound of cardboard being dragged across the floor reached Haruka’s ears and he was ready to fling a pan in his friend’s direction, but Rin already disappeared out of sight.

“Rin, come on, what are you doing? I told you I’ll unpack, I just didn’t want to yet because she left it all this way and you know, maybe there’s a chance and-“

“La la la, I can’t hear you, I’m vacuuming!” Came from another direction, followed by the familiar noise of a vacuum cleaner sliding across the carpets.

“Ughhh, Rin, what are you dooooing?” But he was barely able to hear his own words and there was no way for his friend to understand what he was saying. He knew Rin was right, it was time for him to officially move in, but something was keeping him from making himself at home. Whether it was the memory of his grandmother still unmistakably present in every single object and its placement – or it was the dreadful thoughts of his new neighbour and how Makoto would deal with him being right there, he wasn’t sure. On the other hand, his friend was dead serious about pushing Haruka out of his comfort zone and making sure moving here wasn’t a mistake. He tried to rationalise it in his head, but no matter how hard he tried, a part of him still wanted to strangle Rin with the power cord.

 

 

Rin was unwilling to eat until the smaller boy promised to help him clean after lunch and unpack all of his belongings. After making sure every single box was empty and the house looked immensely less abandoned, Rin collapsed on top of Haruka’s neatly made bed and exhaled with exhaustion.

He didn’t want to admit it, but his old room made him feel more at ease. All of his clothes organised in the closet and books stacked away on the desk, a pair of swimming-related magazines on a small nightstand. He was glad Rin ushered him to pack some nonessentials as well, a few of his sketchbooks and favourite pencils, some old photographs of their previous tournaments and even the medals they won after their first relay. Mixed with the rest of the familiar furniture and objects he remembered from childhood, he felt himself relax and accept his new home. If it weren’t for Rin, he probably would had delayed this for as long as possible. But even then, he drew the line at some of his grandmother’s stuff that were still left outside in plain sight, giving him a sense of security and making him feel less lonely. Rin understood his friend perfectly and accepted the argument.

This was all too familiar to Haruka, the way Rin occupied his entire bed without asking and traced his fingers across the keyboard of his phone in swift movements. It was how they spent most of their days, together but doing their own things, the comfortable silence and long-term friendship reminding them of home.

Haruka’s father moved to Tokyo before he was born, always disliking the small rural town and the lack of options. He got a job at one of the larger banks and quickly moved up in position, entranced by the quickly expanding business and how great success felt. His mother was also an ambitious woman with a law degree, aspiring to become one of the most prestigious lawyers in Tokyo. He knew neither of his parents ever thought of moving to Iwatobi, but he still remembered how captivated he felt when he had visited the coast for the first time. The lack of noise, the stillness of the small town, the smiling faces of its people that seemed unaffected by the corporal world. But it was the ocean, the great vast of its presence that awoke something in him, something an urban city couldn’t do.

He loved every second of spending his summers with his grandmother, listening to her stories and a heart-warming smile she carried on her face wherever she went. Not that his parents hadn’t been kind to him, they were just always too busy with their own lives to stop for a minute and listen to the sound the waves made crashing at the docks. She showed him the flowers in her small garden and the seashells he collected in the sand. She was also the person that praised his drawings and encouraged him to explore his interests, discovering his love and talent for swimming in the process.

He begged his parents to enrol him into one of the swimming clubs in Tokyo and that was when he met Rin, a confident boy his age that urged him to get better, his natural instincts in the water intertwined with the positive rivalry and their friendship. Soon after he had started school, both of his parents took it as a sign of him growing up and directed their full attention towards their careers. Therefore, he wasn’t surprised when his parents brought home the news of wanting to move to a different part of the city that offered better positions, but he was strongly against it. For the first time in his life, he saw a goal, a future for himself. And that future required of him to stay with Rin and practice until they were racing side by side in the biggest tournaments they could get their hands on.

That was how Haruka moved in with Rin at the age of 13, both of them joining the same junior high-school and dominating its already established swimming team. Haruka knew his parents sent more than enough financial compensation to Rin’s mother every month, but the genuine warmth of his friend’s family made him realise they hadn’t taken him in for the money. At first it was troublesome for Haruka who was so accustomed to his own personal space, the spacious room of his previous home and no one really bothering him all day, to suddenly be overwhelmed by his new surroundings. He had to share a room with his teammate and best friend and it wasn’t going well for either of them in the beginning, but all of the fighting went away when they learnt how to live with each other. Now, five years later, Haru had a hard time imagining how it was like to be alone and the few days that Rin spent with some of his relatives in Iwatobi felt awfully lonely.

Their deal was for Rin to give Haruka a few days to settle in and the other boy would catch up with his aunt and uncle. He felt it was still too soon to tell him to move in, but Haruka was glad Rin insisted on coming over and checking out their new place.

By the time they got some rest from all the cleaning, the sun had already set and Rin felt reluctant about going home. Without really giving it much thought, Haruka rummaged through the closets in search of a spare futon to sleep on. They watched some old action movie on TV and fell asleep, promising to wake up early and work on his grandmother’s small garden that was in dire need of some love. And for once, Haruka felt relieved and encouraged by his best friend’s presence that lulled him into a false sense of security, making him believe that there was a way things could really work out.

 

 

They spent the better half of their morning plucking out weeds and carefully pruning the roses his grandmother loved. Haruka could barely remember the last time he held a pair of sharp clippers in his hands, but the motion quickly became familiar as the unattended plants transformed themselves into tame budding bushes. By the time they were done, his hands were sore and dry, his head spinning a little from the morning sun.

Rin found himself sprayed across his bed as per usual, his eyes closed and head bobbing a little to the rhythm of a song he was listening to. His fingers gently tapped across the taut skin of his thighs, preforming their own private little concert.

Haruka’s eyes scanned across the sketchbook positioned on his knees. There was a coloured pencil with big bolded letters reading **BLUE** between his fingers, hovering above the paper. He was trying to capture the moment when a swimmer’s body pierced the water surface, executing a perfect dive. His head spun back towards Rin and his long, slender digits, the diver slightly resembling his friend’s mesmerising and dynamic jump. Every line of the human body was drawn carefully with a grey pencil, the beautiful array of shades he accomplished with just one tool. But there was always something blue in every single one of his drawings, something like a trademark of his. This time, the giant body of water surrounding the long-haired guy intrigued him, almost as if it was issuing him a challenge.

And Haruka tried his best to portray the livelihood and playfulness of the waves, but also their immense power and ability to adapt. His mind kept wandering off to the real ocean waiting for him down the stairs, only a short distance from his room. But an anxious feeling in his gut stopped him from reaching out and submerging himself in the water, warning him to stay inside. The most difficult thing for him to deal with was the fact he had to stay away from the things he wanted the most.

Something was blocking his thoughts from fully focusing on the task before him, calling out to him. And as his eyes searched for a way to make his drawing more realistic, the waves on the paper came to life and filled his entire field of vision. The calm blue, his most faithful companion, turned into a trembling cluster of shades. His mind swirled around the lines he had drawn, knowing quite well how still they had been just a moment ago, but slowly intertwining in his head and giving him vivid flashes of the ocean welcoming his body.

He frantically searched his room, Rin still lying on his back and absorbed in the music, the windows open, but the blinds closed shut, blocking his view. He didn’t get it, couldn’t understand why his room was filling itself with slowly approaching shades of greens and reds and yellows. It wasn’t a sudden burst of colours he had experienced before, but a gradual colouring of his vision that left him bewildered. Until his sense of hearing took charge over his eyes, registering a muffled sound coming from outside.

The familiar sound of fingers gently strumming the guitar strings, playing around with the intensity and range of its tones. He focused on the entrancing melody breaching his ears, calling him, screaming his name. His feet brought him towards the window before he had the time to register his movements, the curtains flying open to expose the source of the music.

He couldn’t see it, not right away, but the tones alone made his head spin and the world became enriched with the most beautiful array of shades and colours. He scanned the horizon, immediately captivated by the view from his bedroom that he had seen many times before, but this time without its usual grey coating. The soothing blueness of the sky and the ocean, mixed in with the yellows of the sun and the beach. The only greyness coming from the familiar flight of stairs leading towards the small dock. As soon as his eyes reached that area, the music exploded in his ears, magnified a dozen times.

The strings obeyed the musician perfectly, their movements executed in perfect harmony and producing a mellow sound of maturity and contemplation. Haruka’s knowledge of music was far from admirable, but he didn’t have to be an expert to recognise the melody was performed by an experienced set of hands, their ability to control the flow of the music, drawing him even closer.

But as his eyes caught sight of the perplexing olive-brown haired boy and a beautiful black guitar positioned in his lap, Haruka’s world darkened in an instant. The melody changed to a slow, sorrowful tone and the colours started fading away. Haruka’s heart broke in two as the bewitching boy’s hands slowed the rhythm of the song, and the most angelic voice reached his ears, the sadness of his voice causing Haruka’s mind to scream. His vision became clouded, the greys welcoming his tears, as the boy he loved more than anything else in the world sang about their life.


	9. Please, Remember

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The last few lines were sung slowly, forever leaving the image of Makoto’s pained face in front of the everlasting blueness of the ocean etched inside of Haruka’s brain. A sight he would never forget, as he was the one that caused it.
> 
> As the emerald-eyed boy finished his song and looked up at the great vastness of the water, Haruka quietly approached him. His feet barely moved a few metres, but he felt his breathing was ragged and a tightness in his chest made it difficult to think. But this was it, he had to say something, he had to break the silence. 
> 
> “Tachibana…kun?”

Makoto began the song with a slow humming, the tone echoing inside of Haruka’s brain, making his entire body shiver in response. Not wasting a single second and before his brain could even comprehend his actions, his feet carried him out of the room and towards the exit, Rin’s confused shouts completely obscured by the gentle strumming coming from the outside. Right before the first syllable was sung, he reached the top of the stairs leading to the dock and stood frozen in place.

His soulmate’s voice became the only thing his mind could process, a sorrowful tone coated in emotion and regret. Haruka’s limbs felt heavy and unresponsive, his eyes fighting the oncoming tears as he clumsily took his first step, engulfed in the melody and its meaning. He wanted for the words to stop, their message loud and clear as they pierced his heart with every new verse, but all of his strength left him and he did nothing but blankly stare from the bottom of the steps until the last words were sung, leaving him stranded and broken. _Mako!_

 

_So try, try to get up and_

_Hide, hide from the darkness,_

_I – can’t, I give up, I won’t see no more._

_And stay, stay for a moment,_

_Wait, before it’s broken, too_

_Late, already taken everything back._

_Ohhhhh-ohh-ohh._

_Oh, how do I say goodbye?_

_How do I still the cry?_

_When all that I’m left without_

_Is all that I dream about?_

_Oh, how do I turn away?_

_How do I stop this day?_

_When all that I see is you and_

_All that I need is blue._

_Please find, find a way out in_

_Time, don’t let him drown but_

_I need to stay far and let him survive._

_Hey, nothing has changed, all_

_Grey, pretend not to care and_

_Pray, that he gets away, safe and sound._

_Ohhhhh-ohh-ohh._

_Oh, how do I say goodbye?_

_How do I still the cry?_

_When all that I’m left without_

_Is all that I dream about?_

_Oh, how do I turn away?_

_How do I stop this day?_

_When all that I see is you and_

_All that I need is blue._

_When all, that I see is you and_

_All, that I need is… blue…_

 

 

The last few lines were sung slowly, forever leaving the image of Makoto’s pained face in front of the everlasting blueness of the ocean etched inside of Haruka’s brain. A sight he would never forget, as he was the one that caused it.

As the emerald-eyed boy finished his song and looked up at the great vastness of the water, Haruka quietly approached him. His feet barely moved a few metres, but he felt his breathing was ragged and a tightness in his chest made it difficult to think. But this was it, he had to say _something,_ he had to break the silence.

“Tachibana…kun?” He softly murmured, but it was more than enough as the other boy immediately jerked upwards, grabbing hold of his guitar right before it hit the hard stone pavement below his feet.

“Wh-what?! Nanase-kun!? I-I didn’t – no, I was just-I-you didn’t… It was nothing! You didn’t listen, did you?” His voice cracked in the middle of the sentence, his eyes looking everywhere but at the raven-haired boy and awkwardly flailing his arms around, trying to fake a smile, but his face displayed utter terror.

“I-I’m sorry. I heard it… That’s why I wanted to talk-“ Nanase tried, his chest tightening at the sight of Makoto flustered and panicked, trying to calm him down.

“No-I, I can’t, it was a mistake, just, forget about it, okay?” A dark shadow fell across Makoto’s face as he gathered all of his strength and started walking past Haruka, still refusing to look at him. “I’m gonna go, sorry, I-I didn’t know you would… I’ll stay away…”

“No, that’s what I’m trying to say, I want to talk to you so-“ But the taller boy already started heading towards the safety of his house and Haruka knew that if he let him get away this time, anything he could try in the future would fail miserably. He decided to take a leap of faith and break all boundaries he promised to protect, revoking a thing of the past in hope Makoto would stay.

“Mako.”

A simple two-syllable word, the one he adored and treasured in his mind for years, afraid of it leaving his mouth and causing more pain. Makoto’s body froze in place, a nervous twitch rocked his shoulders backwards and his eyes finally met Haruka’s deep blue ones.

“Mako.” He repeated it once again, waiting for a reaction, waiting for something to happen as the world emerged from the faded out colours and greyness, their intensity getting stronger with each spoken word. _Will he remember?_

“Please. Talk to me. Ma-“

“Why do you keep calling me that? No one calls me that way. It sounds… I-I don’t understand.” Makoto’s face revealed a puzzled expression, the fear and anxiety still unmistakingly displayed on his face.

All of Haruka’s hopes came tumbling down. He was supposed to be happy, glad even, that his soulmate didn’t react badly to those painful memories, but a part of him was crushed when he confirmed their past was sealed off long ago, with only one of them being able to remember.

“No one calls me that way… Why is it – why do I…” He looked up and saw Makoto’s blank stare and disoriented movements, the brunet boy’s hands clutching his head and a pained expression on his face. He didn’t have the time to say another word as he rushed with all his might to be there in time, his arms stretching in the air to catch the taller boy from collapsing onto the colourless ground.

 

 

…

 

 

“So uhm… I’ll take it didn’t go well?” Rin offered a smile, trying to break the awkward silence. Haruka did nothing to show he even heard the comment, blankly staring at something on the shelf.

“Well, you sure as hell knocked him off his feet!” Rin dug around an endless pool of jokes, amused by his conflicted friend who always had issues with resolving any serious real-life situations.

“RIN! What should I do now?!” Haruka stared accusingly at his friend and his need for inappropriate jokes, nervously pacing around the room.

They were in his grandmother’s living room, Rin casually sitting in her armchair and Haruka unable to stay still. Makoto laid unconscious on the couch, his head supported by an antique pillow with an embroidered flower in the middle. His olive-brown bangs fell softly down the sides of his head and Haruka realised this was the first time he looked at his soulmate without seeing him sad or scared. _Just unconscious._

He had yelled for Rin to come down and help him carry Makoto inside and the two of them struggled for a good few minutes getting him up the stairs. His friend didn’t ask a lot of questions, but there was an undeniable smirk hiding away behind the futile attempts at staying serious in that situation. What Haruka wasn’t aware of, but would learn of later that evening from one of Rin’s texts, was that his friend had quite a view from his bedroom window and practically heard _and_ saw everything that happened. He was already at the doors when Haruka called out his name and both of them quickly agreed it would be best to wait inside until Makoto woke up and Haruka was not at all ready to confront his soulmate’s parents. Especially not when carrying their unconscious son.

“Relax, he’ll be fineee. The last time it happened, he opened his eyes in a few minutes and you made sure he didn’t hurt himself. Nice catch!” Rin’s mouth curled in a smile, but Haruka’s desperate sigh and look of hopelessness brought back some compassion from his friend.

“Look – this is great. Now he’ll see you’re trying to help and well, he’s in your house so he can’t really go anywhere so-“

“Oh my God, Rin, stop it!” The other boy finally gave up and sat down on the floor, making sure to stay as far away from the couch as possible, but still being able to see Makoto clearly.

“Ahahaha, okay okay. But this is your chance, man! Just tell him everything. Maybe advise him not to get up though because he might fai-“ A pillow flew straight into Rin’s face, making him cough a little from the cloud of dust that entered his mouth in the process.

“You – need to leave. Now!” Haruka was back on his feet and dragging his friend with him, pushing him outside of the house. He was about to close the door in front of Rin’s ridiculous goofy grin, but he remembered there was something he wanted to ask his friend before he left.

“Are you moving in tomorrow?” He asked, tired of lonely days spent aimlessly wandering around that empty house and hoping for some familiar company.

“Hmm, I don’t know, man, what if Sleeping Beauty over there decides to stay over, I would just be in the w-“ Haruka slammed the doors way harder than it was needed, hearing the faint burst of laughter from the other side. Even though he didn’t get a straight answer, he knew Rin would be there with his bags first thing in the morning, prepared for their early run. 

Just as he was coming back to the living room, a low grumble escaped Makoto’s mouth and Haruka watched as the other boy’s hands twitched slightly. The colours awoke from their sleep in unison, the room now bathed in various pastel shades and warm earthy tones. _Ugh, here we go again._

“Are you okay, Tachibana-kun?”

“Whaa… Where am-I…” His eyes fluttered, a hand pressed against his temples as he tried sitting up.

“We’re in my grandmother’s house. Rin and I brought you here after you collapsed. Can I get you some water?” Without waiting for a reply, Haruka rushed into the kitchen, scavenged the cupboards for a glass and filled it with water. He was back in the room in less than a minute and was greeted by a pair of alerted green eyes scanning him head to toe like he was the weirdest person in the planet.

“Tachibana-kun?” He extended his hand, but Makoto made no effort to take the offered cup so he placed it on the table next to him.

“I collapsed? Again?” A worried voice came from the taller boy, his mind seemingly confused and trying to understand what happened. His eyes searched the room and a look of recognition splayed across his face in an instant.

“Grandma! This is my neighbour’s house! But why are you-”

“Yeah, she was my grandmother. You still call her ‘Grandma?’” Haruka asked, smiling slightly at Makoto’s confusion and remembering how she didn’t care that Makoto wasn’t her actual grandchild and encouraged the boy to call her the same way Haruka did.

“Still? I-I don’t understand. And-and before, out there, you said something. You called me something that I… OH you heard me sing, NOOO!” The pink embroidered flower now obscured Makoto’s face because he used the pillow to cover up his blushing cheeks. Haruka couldn’t stop his heart from beating faster at the sight of this adorable display, the previous heart-breaking reaction replaced by an embarrassed mess of his soulmate.

“Yeah… I wasn’t planning on it, but I could hear it all the way up in my room and I decided to talk to you before I knew what it was about and… I’m sorry, I know it wasn’t ideal.”

Makoto grumbled behind a pillow, pressing it even harder to his face and drawing his knees closer together.

“I just… Ugh… Okay… I’m-sorry-you-have-to-see-me-all-the-time-and-that-I’m-making-it-so-much-worse-and-that-you’re-stuck-with-me-as-your-captain-because-I-didn’t-turn-in-my-resignation-and-now-you-heard- _that_ -and-you-had-to-carry-me-here-and-I-can’t-move-away-and-“

“Makoto. Stop.” And the blabbering was interrupted by Haruka’s serious tone who couldn’t believe the situation they found themselves in, but it was one he knew how to solve. At least one part of it.

“I’m sorry I came back without talking to you again. And for avoiding you because I thought it would be for the best. But I was wrong and I should’ve come to you first.”

“Wait, what? I-I don’t understand… Came back? Wait, why do you know all of this?” The pillow was gone and the two green eyes looked around the room in confusion, landing on Haruka and hinting at a thousand questions swirling around Makoto’s mind.

“Do you want to know?” Haruka asked, offering Makoto the choice, like he should had done in the first place.

 

 

 

There was a slight pause, Haruka’s eyes never leaving Makoto’s, wandering what his soulmate’s answer would be. There was a hint of apprehension on the brunet’s face, his mind running a dozen different simulated responses and what they could lead to. The silence probably lasted for only a minute, but Haruka never felt so impatient and scared of someone’s answer.

“I… I think so. Tell me, please.” His eyes still showed traces of fear and doubt, but there was also an undeniable amount of curiosity swirling around his mind that Haruka more than welcomed with an exhale.

“We met before. When we were young. I used to spend parts of my summers here in Iwatobi with my grandmother. It was just for a short time every year, but you used to come over and we were really good friends.” Haruka explained every sentence in a slow manner, carefully observing Makoto’s widened eyes and surprised face.

“B-But I-I don’t remember you.” There was sadness plastered all over his soulmate’s face and for once Haruka realised it was a sign of improvement. For him to feel saddened for not remembering Haruka, it meant that not everything he did until this point made Makoto resent him completely.

“I know, it’s okay, really. We were just kids at that point.” Haruka meant every word he said, realising long ago how memories of childhood didn’t have to shape up their future as well.

“But – the colours! I-I’ve never seen them before, well, just once, but that wasn’t that long ago and I… Wait, you can see them, right? You see the colours too?” Makoto blurted out what was swirling around his mind ever since the mysterious raven-haired boy appeared in his life.

Haruka nodded immediately, glad that Makoto finally acknowledged their undeniable bond.

“Yeah. I was too young to understand it back then, but the more time we spent together, the more colours I was able to see. But as soon as I returned to Tokyo, they started fading away. There was only one left.”

“Back then…? So you’re saying we met when we were children by accident and we started seeing colours? And you knew you were my soulmate all along, but I… I don’t remember you…” Makoto’s eyes filled with sadness, hearing the other side of the story he never imagined existed. _So the real reason he’s been avoiding me is because I just don’t remember him. How could I have forgotten my own soulmate?!_

“You… you weren’t really able to deal with all of that, Makoto. The colours were too intense at that age and me coming and leaving every year made it really difficult. It’s impossible to explain to a child why the world keeps getting grey and there’s nothing you could do to stop it.” Haruka’s own gaze shifted to a window to his left, reminiscing about the past that was both colourful and too dark to handle.

 _I couldn’t deal with the colours._ And Makoto realised at that very moment how shaken up he had felt every time Haruka appeared in front of him, the strain it brought to him and the inability to focus. His mind kept rushing, chasing all the newfound shades and losing himself in the unveiled world. Every time the pressure became too intense, his body also gave in and forcefully shut down all of his senses.

“I… I don’t know what to say… I… But now – I’m looking at you and it’s… it’s better?” His emerald eyes looked straight into the deepest blues of the ocean, the colour he was yearning for all these years. _I finally found it. But why can’t I control myself…_

“I don’t really know… But I’m glad you finally let me say what’s been on my mind for years. After one particularly difficult summer, I decided not to visit you anymore, not until we were both ready. And I thought I would have more time and come up with a better way than suddenly appearing in your life, but…” The raven haired boy’s face showed a touch of conflict and regret, the crystal blues of his eyes darkening slightly.

“But…?” Makoto offered, holding onto the hope this conversation lit inside of him, the feeling of being thought of and considered to this amount. No matter how many scenarios he had played out in his mind, it seemed like none of them incorporated even a hint of positivity. But this wasn’t positive – no, it was the most joyful news he could’ve hoped for. _He was worried about me. Didn’t want to hurt me. Just because… just because there’s something wrong with me and I don’t deserve him to-_

“A few weeks ago, I got a call from my grandmother to come back to Iwatobi as soon as possible. She wouldn’t tell me what the reason was, but she said there wasn’t much time left and I had to hurry… But it took a while before I got the coaches convinced and found a school that was willing to take me in… By the time I got here, she…” His voice cut out and eyes stared only at the ragged carpet, unable to finish his sentence.

“I… I’m so sorry… She was a great person, Ha-Haruka-kun...” Makoto felt his own eyes fight the tears, but no matter how much he cared for his neighbour, it must had been nothing in comparison to how Haruka felt. _And there’s nothing I can do…_

“No, I should be thanking you, Makoto. She told me how much you and your family did for her. Thank you.” The great blueness sucked Makoto right into their own private world, forgetting about everything else around them. The misunderstandings from these past few days made no difference now that Makoto was fully aware of his wrong conclusions.

Haruka never felt cornered or stuck in this place, wanting to get away from a soulmate he never wanted – no. Instead, he tried keeping his distance so that Makoto would have enough time to adapt and learn if he was able to deal with them meeting after all these years.

But there was still something that bothered Makoto in the back of his mind, something that stopped him from relaxing and trying to get closer to a boy that obviously didn’t want him any harm. _Why can’t I handle this better, I’ve never heard of anything like this… And the Waterpark, what about the Waterpark, was that him as well? And what are they supposed to do now, when they both know they’re each other’s soulmates and aren’t trying to avoid the other person and-_

“That’s why I’m here, basically. Rin came with me to keep me company and he didn’t recognise you that first time you guys met. And since there’s not much time left until we graduate, we’re going to be staying in Iwatobi and had to join your club. I’m sorry, Makoto.” Haruka’s voice was back to normal as he finished his story and looked up at the taller boy to see if any of this helped and if there was a way for them to get along without hurting each other by accident.

“I-I get it, really. It’s my fault anyway, that I don’t remember you and have issues with everything… And you were just trying to help and the whole soulmate thing-“

“It doesn’t have to mean anything. The soulmate thing, I mean. It’s a complete coincidence that two people end up being each other’s soulmates, even if they know nothing about each other. So, don’t worry about it too much, okay?” Haruka’s eyes pierced at Makoto’s, his voice serious and collected and Makoto realised he meant every word.

_It doesn’t have to mean anything… Oh… so he doesn’t see me as a-… It’s a complete coincidence… I can’t believe I was so stupid! Of course he would want nothing to do with me, he’s still a swimming prodigy and I’m just… just a guy who can’t even handle a few colours and that made a really nice guy worried and unable to spend time with his grandmother because of how I might feel. I can’t…_

“I-I should go now. Thank you for the explanation, Nanase-kun… Did you see my guitar by any chance?” Makoto tried his best to hide his broken heart behind a curtain, but he caught Haruka’s distrustful eyes following him around.

“Rin brought it with him, it’s in the hallway by the door.” The raven haired boy explained, but his face hinted at traces of confusion.

“Rin is… a really good guy… You two seem close.” Makoto was already halfway towards the room when the other boy’s comment shook him deeply and confirmed his suspicions.

“Yeah, he went to get his stuff so he could move in with me.”

“I-I see… You’re going to be living together?” Makoto tried his best to recollect his posture and drag his lifeless body towards the doors.

“We’ve been living together for years, it’s nothing new.” Haruka simply retorted, stating the heart-stabbing confession.

“A-ha… That’s… great. Thank you again… I-I’ll see you around.” And Makoto was out the doors before Haruka had time to mutter another word, utterly confused with his soulmate’s sudden change in behaviour.

_They’re perfect for each other… But I can’t blame him – no. What I can do now is return the favour and do what’s best for him because he doesn’t deserve to be alone, not after all that he’s been through. The soulmate thing doesn’t matter. Maybe he is right._

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I'm really sorry for the big delay on the new chapter, college's been giving me a lot of trouble and I might've lost all of my personal files due to my laptop crashing and had to start over... But anyhow, the updates should become a lot more regular from now on :) 
> 
> Thanks to everyone who has been reading and supporting the fanfic! :)


	10. Think Before You Speak

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Rin, what are you-“ The shorter boy asked in suspicion, but before he could ask more questions, Rin’s arm was swung around his shoulders and leading him behind the school.
> 
> “We need to warm up first. Don’t you worry about a thing. I have a plan.” But if anything, Haruka felt even more reluctant to do any form of training today. 
> 
> “We’re gonna make an entrance and show him something that’s sure to open up his eyes and make him see what he’s missing out on!”

“So, you managed to tell him everything?” Rin asked his friend, not lifting his gaze because he was busy unpacking the bags he had brought with him in the morning.

“Hmm… most of it at least?” An answer came from the kitchen as Haruka prepared their breakfast.

“And he really doesn’t remember anything?”

“Yeah… seems like he’s forgotten everything that happened. Maybe it’s for the best…” Haruka’s thoughts wandered back towards the conversation that happened the day before, but also closing in on the memories of his childhood.

“I get what you mean, but you’re going to have to start from scratch. I mean, he knows _literally nothing_ about you. Well, except that you can swoop him off his feet almost every da-“ A pan was dropped heavily onto the stove and Rin was lucky enough to hear the footsteps quickly approaching from behind to duck just in time before Haruka hit him on the head with a kitchen rag.

“But it was weird, the way he left… I thought he finally understood what I wanted to tell him but…” His anger was already gone, rushing back into the kitchen to check on their food before finishing his sentence.

“Well you gotta admit he’s kind of a weird guy. I mean, judging by the way you talked about him, I was picturing someone less… gloomy? He has like zero self-esteem and I have no idea how he’s even able to lead the club…”

“Yeah… When we were little, he used to smile a lot… He was shy around strangers, but once you got to know him better, he was… a really good person…”

“He _is_ kinda cute though. I mean, he definitely needs to get in shape, but if he did, he could be pretty hot and-“ This time Haruka simply rolled the rag into a ball and launched it like a projectile directly at his friend before Rin had a chance to react. But no matter how annoyed Haruka got, it was better than seeing him all sad and reminiscing about a past he couldn’t go back to.

 

 

 

“Makoto, dear, are you ready to go?” His mother’s voice came from the kitchen, loud and clear even though the twins were yelling at each other over who got to pick the channel on the TV.

“Just need to get my wallet!” Makoto tried responding, but his own voice was muffled by the noise coming from the living room.

“Make sure to take the shopping list as well, I left it on the kitchen table!” Her voice echoed through the house and Makoto did his best to avoid getting caught up in his siblings’ argument and stormed out into the hallway before they managed to fight for his vote.

No matter how noisy and hectic weekend mornings used to get, Makoto actually enjoyed seeing his entire family together and not having to rush to school, even if he had to help out around the house and make sure Ran and Ren behaved themselves. On this particular morning though, Makoto even welcomed the loudness and unavoidable conflicts always present in his house, simply because it helped take his mind off other things.

If he had to guess, he’d say he had only gotten a few short hours of sleep and even those were tainted with weird dreams he couldn’t make sense of. Vivid images of waves splashing against the docks and feet running around him, loud voices barely reaching his ears. The nightmares occupied his mind during the long sleepless hours he had spent staring at the ceiling, replaying the conversation from earlier in his head.

_It doesn’t have to mean anything. The soulmate thing. It’s a complete coincidence. Don’t worry about it too much._

“Makoto, you forgot the list. Is everything okay?” His mother’s hand was placed gently on his right shoulder, her dark grey eyes carefully watching her son’s reaction.

“Yeah – I… didn’t sleep so well. But I’m fine, really!” Another fake smile, another lie as he quickly grabbed the paper from her hand and rushed outside. _Why can’t I just **be** fine? _He exhaled and tried to slow down the beating in his chest. He started walking towards the market, the same path he had taken every week since he was old enough to go on his own. He walked past the docks where he had played the guitar the day before, memories of that unfortunate event making him cringe and bite his lips in embarrassment. _Of all things, why did I have to sing **that** song?_

But his gaze quickly switched to the right when he heard faint voices talking in that direction. He couldn’t stop himself in time, recognising who they belonged to, his eyes already scanning the top of the stairs leading to Haruka’s house. _No…_

And there it was, the familiar shock of colours entering his vision, the grey shadows chased away by the upcoming rainbow that enveloped everything in front of his eyes in its endless shades. The raven-haired boy stood in front of the doors to his grandmother’s house, wearing a pair of dark blue jersey shorts and a loose dark grey T-shirt. He was hunched down, tying the pristine white shoelaces of his black running shoes.

Next to him, Makoto immediately spotted the taller athlete, his peculiar burgundy hair and a smirk visible even from that distance. His form-fitting white V-neck and long black running tights complemented his figure perfectly, almost as much as the swimming trunks Makoto had seen him wear to the pool. _Are they really together?_

He mentally slapped himself for staring, but he couldn’t take his eyes away from the sight. _I don’t know anything._ He repeated in his head, watching as they exchanged a few words, but he was too far to discern their meaning. Until Matsuoka’s hand landed on Haruka’s shoulder, the taller boy laughing wholeheartedly at something, Haruka’s eyes softening and a genuine smile appearing on his lips.

Makoto was done, couldn’t bear to look at them anymore. Rin, with his good looks and confidence that made you almost forget how he was actually a nice guy, helping Makoto when they had only just met. And Haruka. _There’s literally nothing about him that isn’t perfect_ – Makoto thought, letting himself take one last glance at those sapphire blue eyes, eager to get away as fast as possible. But just as he was about to divert his gaze, Haruka spotted him at the foot of the stairs and lifted his eyebrows in surprise.

 

 

 

Rin was in the middle of a sentence when his friend’s eyes suddenly widened and he quickly turned around, spotting Makoto’s dumb-folded expression.

“Hey, is that…?” He asked Haruka, finger pointing at the ground towards a startled Makoto that looked as if he was mentally trying to open a hole in the ground and jump right in it.

“Y-yeah.” Was the only thing Haruka managed to mutter, surprised at the unplanned encounter. He was captured by the way Makoto’s olive-brown hair framed the boy’s face, accentuating his green eyes and soft features. He was debating whether to go down and talk to the guy, but before he managed to decide, Makoto’s gaze dropped to the floor, the world around him darkening in an instant. Haruka’s vision became clouded by the dark grey shadows clawing away at any remnants of light. _He is sad –_ was all that he could think about, as he watched his soulmate disappear, running away.

“Haru.” Rin’s tone was serious and Haruka felt a deadly stare coming from the side.

“Rin?” He asked in confusion, his mind still swirling with question about Makoto and his pained expression.

“DUDE, WHAT DID YOU DO?! Tell me everything, right now!”

 

 

…

 

 

“Thank you! Yeah, we’ll be sure to join the practice right away.” Rin concluded their conversation with Ama-chan sensei, closing the door to the teachers’ lounge room. Both of their applications had been approved by the Swimming club’s advisor and Haruka and Rin were now officially allowed to use the pool and other club equipment.

“If we leave right away, we should be there for the warm-up and you could use the time to talk to Tachibana about what happened last weekend. Haru?” Instead of making his way towards the club room, Rin watched his friend’s silent steps leading him towards the school exit.

“Haru! Come on, dude, it was a misunderstanding!” Rin pleaded, stopping the raven-haired boy in his tracks and attempting to talk him out of skipping yet another practice.

“I know you want to swim. It’s been a while, huh…” He tried out a different strategy, watching out of the corner of his eyes as Haruka gazed longingly at the direction of the inviting water.

“Look – you messed up. You practically spied on your soulmate as he sung the most heart-breaking song I’ve ever heard in my life and traumatised him even more with the whole ‘Mako’ thing. And _then_ you managed to probably confuse the hell out of him with your very unnecessary explanation about me moving in which, by the way, every single person in the planet would misinterpret when you put it that way!”

“Yes, you’ve said all of that at least a dozen times since yesterday. How is it supposed to be helping me though?” Haruka was still pouting from all the yelling and name-calling he had to endure the previous day, his friend not being able to understand how he managed to do so much damage in a short five minute period after Rin had left his house. And Haruka still couldn’t quite figure out why anyone would mistake him and Rin for a couple because the thought never even occurred to him once.

Ever since they met, the boy became his best friend and formidable rival, but also an irreplaceable family member who gave him a place to stay and never complained about listening to Haruka’s stories of childhood and his soulmate. _Why would he think we are together?_ But nevertheless, he trusted his friend’s judgement and had to admit the explanation fit the timing of Makoto’s strange behaviour and the awkward encounter before their morning run.

“Because I finally realised leaving this to you and that confused guitar-boy isn’t going to get us anywhere. So leave this to me.” Rin announced proudly, a mischievous grin taking over his entire face and Haruka felt a chill run down his spine.

“Rin, what are you-“ The shorter boy asked in suspicion, but before he could ask more questions, Rin’s arm was swung around his shoulders and leading him behind the school.

“We need to warm up first. Don’t you worry about a thing. I have a plan.” But if anything, Haruka felt even more reluctant to do any form of training today.  

“We’re gonna make an entrance and show him something that’s sure to open up his eyes and make him see what he’s missing out on!” Rin was determined to play out his role in his bestfriend’s love life and Haruka was more than aware of how impossible it was to stop him. Therefore, he followed Rin’s footsteps and listened to his idea, unsure if he would even be able to pull it off with a straight face. But he was going to try. _For Mako._

…

 

 

“So, how about we start with 20 laps? Try and practice different styles and tell me which one feels the best, okay?” Makoto directed the three eager freshman, giving them some basic instructions while Nagisa and Rei gathered his stopwatch and notepad to write on.

“Do you think we should do another race anytime soon?” Rei asked the captain, bringing Makoto’s attention back towards their club area and away from a certain blue-eyed neighbour that kept occupying his thoughts.

“Hmm… I don’t know about that… It doesn’t really make sense for the three of us to race because we prefer different styles and the freshmen still haven’t gotten enough practice to show any kind of improvement…” Makoto analysed the situation and found himself lost once again, stuck at the position of their captain when his knowledge of the sport was far inferior to Rei’s and his enthusiasm for swimming barely scratching the surface of Nagisa’s powerful feelings about their hobby.

“Mako-chan, what about the new guys? I thought Rin-chan would be joining us today…” Nagisa interrupted the attempt at serious training plans and Makoto felt a shiver run down his spine at the thought of their newest members. _If Ama-chan sensei signed and approved their applications, it definitely meant they should be joining today._ But they had started about thirty minutes ago and were done with their initial warm-up which gave Makoto hope that he’d be able to survive one more day as peaceful as possible. Not that he felt at ease, not at all, his brain swirling with memories of the awkward sighting of Haruka and Rin the previous day. _I really need to get some sleep…_

“Yo, Tachibana! Sorry we’re late! Had to fill out some more paperwork and stuff.” _Nope, not peaceful at all._

Rin’s hand was in the air as he waved at Makoto and the other members, his burgundy hair moving slightly from the motion. There was a white towel slung casually across his shoulder, not doing a good job at covering his perfectly sculptured stomach abs. He was wearing the same long swimming trunks he had worn before, Makoto realising the grey line on their sides was actually a bright shade of red. But even with his amazing looks and confident entrance, Makoto’s eyes barely looked at him for a second, immediately landing on the raven-haired boy to his right.

Haruka’s blue eyes were directed towards the floor, his long bangs hiding the barely distinguishable blush creeping up on his cheeks. But Makoto completely missed it, too busy fighting his brain over the control of his eyes, as they were hopelessly staring at his half-naked body. His black, above-the-knee trunks were lined with a beautiful shade of dark purple, shaping out his well-defined thighs. Even though he was noticeably shorter and more slender than his friend, Haruka’s figure displayed a perfectly toned figure with apparent muscles on every inch of his body. Instead of them being extremely protruding, they took on a more subtle form, perfectly suiting his smaller body frame. But everywhere he looked (and he really couldn’t help himself), the effects of long-term training and a regime specifically suited for swimmers were more than obvious. Every muscle was exercised to perfection, leaving the image of the most beautiful boy in the world etched permanently in Makoto’s mind. _I can’t do this._

“Rin-chaaan!” Nagisa yelled out, saving Makoto from the awkward staring and greeting the newcomers. “Are you finally joining us?”

“You bet!” Rin answered his old acquaintance with a grin and casually threw his towel towards one of the chairs near the entrance. “We’ve already warmed up so do you mind lending us the pool for a moment? Haru and I haven’t had an all-out race in like a week and we’re both dying for some competition.” No one was surprised by Rin’s competitive nature, but the undeniable spark in Haruka’s eyes that appeared the moment his friend proposed the idea felt like a dagger piercing through Makoto’s heart. _I could never do that…_

“We get to watch two national-level athletes race? Hell yeah!” Morano yelled out, quickly ushering his teammates to stop doing their laps and make way for their new members.

“Y-Yeah, that’s fine by me. We keep track of everyone’s times and records so we could just use this opportunity to get some information on yours.” Makoto gathered all of his strength to look down at his notepad and ignore the magnificent sight of his soulmate bathed in every colour imaginable.

“YES! Here we go, Haru!” Rin fixed the swimming goggles on his eyes, tugging slightly at the band behind his head. He was already in position, confidently standing at the edge of the pool and grinning at his friend’s toned down, but apparent excitement. Makoto hated himself for being envious at a perfectly decent guy who was practically better than him at anything, but he couldn’t stop himself from resenting him for making his soulmate feel that way. The way his lips slightly curled up in a smile and his sapphire blue eyes lit up at the sight of the pool underneath him, Makoto felt like there was nothing in the world he could try that would invoke the same reaction. And it hurt.

Nagisa was excitedly pacing around them, telling Rei stories of Rin’s amazing butterfly technique, while his partner was trying real hard not to glare at the praised athlete. Both swimmers reached their positions, leaving one lane between them and awaiting Makoto’s countdown. Glad for the temporary distraction, Makoto was setting up the stopwatch and quickly adding the new members’ names to their score list. As soon as he was ready, he took one last glance at the two elite swimmers and the ease with which they stood in front of everyone’s eyes. He wasn’t surprised by Matsuoka’s composed posture and familiar grin, but the other boy also displayed a touch of superiority, almost as if Makoto could sense his talent behind the cool exterior. 

“Ready! Set! GO!” Makoto gave the signal and both guys moved in sync, switching from the “ready” position into a perfectly executed dive.

Rin’s body formed an impeccable arch, just like the one Makoto had been mesmerised by before, his extended fingers piercing the surface and enveloping his body in water. Haruka’s jump was only slightly lower than his, but contained the same amount of perfection, allowing the raven-haired boy to be submerged underwater almost at the same time as his opponent. Whilst Rin had a slight edge because of his dive, Haruka’s true nature earned a couple of gasps and surprised questions from the other members.

His body moved in unison, every muscle operating in the most optimal way, making his arms and legs simply glide through the water. Rin’s arm was already above the surface, but only a split second later, he brought it down and cut the agitated water around him. His powerful strokes pushed him forward with amazing speed, his kicks splashing the water metres away. But Haruka – his style was nowhere like the unbearable strength Rin displayed. It was the epitome of ease, fluid motions carrying him through the water, not feeling any resistance and going exactly where he wanted to go. Before Makoto realised it, Haruka’s long stay underwater after the initial dive brought the smaller boy right next to Rin, the two swimmers now racing side by side at unprecedented speed.

_Beautiful –_ Makoto thought, was the only way to describe the blue-eyed athlete and his grace in the water. _He belonged there –_ he knew, from the bottom of his heart, his eyes focused on nothing else but his finesse and perfectly coordinated movements. No one could deny Rin’s explosive power and speed, but there was something about Haruka that completely captivated Makoto’s heart. But the most beautiful part of it all were the colours that Makoto noticed in all of their glory – the countless shades of blues intertwined with whites of the water, the same depth and richness Makoto was chasing all of these years. He was sure of it now – there was something undoubtedly hidden amidst the rushing waves and Haruka’s swift movements.

Something that Makoto was waiting to discover and no matter how many times he jumped into the pool or stared out into the ocean, it just wouldn’t come to him. But right now, right at that very moment, he felt something shift inside of him, a sense of familiarity take over his senses and pull him in. With every swing, he felt the tug getting stronger, the great blueness calling out to him, emerging from the past hidden deep within. Even the sounds of splashing, the ones Makoto was more than used to from the years of training and competing, but something about the sounds intertwined with the colours and Haruka – something about that combination made him utterly confused and his insides twisting, so close to grasping what he had been seeking for so long.

Makoto completely forgot about keeping track of their results, his fingers still clutching the useless stopwatch. He wasn’t even sure who won, both boys reaching the edge of the pool at the same time, their heads breaching the surface to catch some air. The other members around him exploded in amazed cheers and hurtled towards the swimmers in awe. His mind was still in daze, on the verge of _something_ , but the voices brought him back to reality and shook off the remnants of some forgotten moments emerging from their slumber.

He ordered his legs to move, to near the source of the light and colour and fit in with the role he was given. It was his job to greet the two members who were still breathing heavily, but visibly pleased with themselves. His feet inched closer to the ridge of the pool, his eyes still focused on the raven-haired boy and his smile while he high-fived his friend. Rin wore a smirk on his face, but also a touch of aggravation as he both praised Haruka for being slightly faster and promised him a rematch because he was definitely going to win the next one.

Next to him, Nagisa appeared out of nowhere, happily praising his friend as the burgundy-haired boy climbed out of the pool and pulled the goggles off his face. Even Rei couldn’t contain his impressed expression and bombarded the swimmer with a dozen questions about his training and form exercises. Makoto turned around towards the other boy, his body still surrounded by water he definitely belonged to, his eyes a brighter shade of blue than Makoto had ever seen.

Before he knew what he was doing, executing a move he had done dozens of times before for his friends and teammates, he extended his hand towards the water, towards the two wide-open sapphires staring back at him in surprise. Something inside of him switched on, almost as if someone uncovered a long-hidden box covered in layers of dust, removing its lid and peeking inside. Makoto’s hand was hanging in the air, his eyes widening and a surprised urge to smile made his lips curl upwards, his mind struggling to keep up as his lips parted slightly, his tongue gently grazing the roof of his mouth and the words he didn’t recognise escaping his mouth.

“Haru-chan!”


	11. Learn the Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Ah yes! Haru and I aren’t dating.” Rin interrupted his own little monologue and proclaimed the last part unexpectedly, but staring right into Makoto’s eyes.
> 
> “Y-You what?” Makoto managed to slide his body against the wall and sit down on a chair next to the doors. 
> 
> “Not dating. Single. Haru, I mean. Well me too, but that’s not the point…” 
> 
> “B-But he said… you’re moving in?” 
> 
> “Mhm. We’ve been living together for years – I believe he also added that unnecessary detail?” Rin asked the other boy. "You see, he’s kind of an idiot."

“Haru-chan!” The words left Makoto’s lips in an instant, his eyes becoming clouded the second his mind managed to catch up. There was nothing but surprise and confusion written all over his face, his outstretched hand shaking slightly before he remembered to look at the raven-haired boy’s reaction.

Haruka’s eyes were wide open, his eyebrows slightly raised as he looked at both Makoto’s uncoordinated movements and a hand still hanging above the water. He observed his soulmate carefully, waiting for any sign of recognition or past events overwhelming the brunet, but the other boy looked lost in thought and trying to figure out what he had just said.

He decided to take it as a hopeful sign that Makoto might be getting some flashbacks of their happier childhood moments, the ones before the world turned dark and colourless. Haruka still remembered the way Makoto’s lips would curl up in a smile, his eyes almost closing completely when he waited for the smaller boy to take his hand and leave the comfort of the water. It was their own little tradition, Makoto patiently waiting for his friend to be done swimming in the ocean and helping him reach the safety of the ground again.

But Haruka never thought he’d get to hear it again, especially not at that moment. The tone of his voice was slightly different, a bit more serious, but the playfulness and warmth behind them stayed the same. He was going to respond, ask him if he remembered something, but decided to use his usual comeback and see if it triggered any more memories.

“You should stop with the cha-“

“Heeeey, Tachibana! I need to talk to you for a minute. It’s about the club, very important! So just come with me.” Rin’s burgundy hair appeared in front of Haruka’s eyes, dragging the still confused brunet away from the pool. Haruka knew his friend’s interruption wasn’t accidental and the menacing look and gritted pointy teeth Rin showed him right before ushering Makoto into the club room proved him right. _What did I do now? Ugh, RIN!_

 

“Matsuoka, I-I don’t… What are you doing? I was… What was I…?” Makoto’s world started spinning and his eyes had trouble focusing as all the colours left his sight and the world became enveloped in greyness.

“Wow, you okay there?” He felt a pair of strong hands holding his shoulders when his legs started shaking and his own palm grabbed the nearby wall for some support.

“Y-Yeah, I-I don’t know… My head…”

“You really got to get a grip, dude. I mean, I get it’s a shock and all, but Haru keeps blaming himself every time you faint and there’s only so many times I can tell him you’re fine.” There was still an ever-present smirk displayed on Rin’s lips, but his tone was softer and showed his concern for Makoto’s wellbeing.

_It’s going be grey, it’s going to be grey, it’s going to be grey._ Makoto tried his best to catch his breath and calm his breathing, keeping his eyes closed for the moment until he truly knew what the world was going to look like when he opened up his eyes. And when he did and the countless shades of greys intertwined with the black and white, he felt his pulse becoming steady. _If I just knew it was coming, then maybe…_

“Yes, okay, you’re better! I told him I can do this, I knew I shouldn’t have let him talk to you on your own and – Ah yes! Haru and I aren’t dating.” Rin interrupted his own little monologue and proclaimed the last part unexpectedly, but staring right into Makoto’s eyes.

“Y-You what?” Makoto managed to slide his body against the wall and sit down on a chair next to the doors.

“Not dating. Single. Haru, I mean. Well me too, but that’s not the point…”

“B-But he said… you’re moving in?”

“Mhm. We’ve been living together for years – I believe _he_ also added that unnecessary detail?” Rin asked the other boy, Makoto’s body still slightly weak from the previous colour switch and his mind trying to process the spoken words, but he nodded in agreement.

“You see, he’s kind of an idiot. What he meant was – he came to live with my family when we were 13 because his parents are obsessed with work and basically couldn’t even support their son’s wish to swim. So he’s been kind of like a brother to me for years and there’s literally nothing else going on between us.”

“Oh…” _OH! They aren’t… but it’s not like it changes anything. Haruka still doesn’t care about being my soulmate and I’m still unable to even be around him without getting him worried…_

“Yup. So I’m sorry he’s just making it worse for you, he really wanted to help.” Rin’s eyes took on a much softer shape as the other boy reached for another chair to sit down next to Makoto.

“He… He really wasn’t planning on coming back yet… When he first told me about you, he said he was never going to visit you until you were ready. And he meant it. No matter how many times I told him to give you a call or send you an e-mail or something, he just told me that he was waiting for you, until you were ready. And I had no idea how he was supposed to know when it was time because he had literally no contact with you for so long, but he was convinced he would know.”

Makoto did nothing but blankly stare at Rin’s thoughtful expression, listening to the story about his soulmate he knew nothing about.

“His parents never liked that he wanted to swim, you know? It’s so stupid because anyone who gets to see him in the water knows he’s meant to be there! And yet, they never approved. His father always wanted him to go to a good college and get a job at his company. His mother wasn’t much better either. That’s why we took him in.”

“They don’t… but he’s brilliant! He even got elected for the national team!” Makoto spoke up before he realised he was yelling, knowing exactly what Rin meant because that was exactly how he felt when he had seen Haru treading through the water unlike anyone else.

“I know. When they heard the news, they didn’t even congratulate him. I think they were just insulted because their great plans failed and there was nothing that could change Haru’s mind after that. But he still fought for what he wanted and he made it. I think he believed you were working hard as well and so that one day, he would be able to search for you.”

“But I… I don’t even remember him!” Makoto yelled out against his will, the emotions overtaking him as he fought back the onset of tears in corner of his eyes.

“Yeaaaah… That wasn’t ideal… But I think he knew it was a possibility because he didn’t seem surprised when he told me.”

“Are you-are you sure you should be telling me this? It’s just private and I…”

“Well, he knows a lot about you and so it’s only fair you learn something about him.” Rin answered with a smirk and reassured the panicked Makoto. “Anyhow… I just had to do something because he was going to screw it all up and then I’d have to listen about this for the rest of my life.”

“So you… you know everything? That he’s my s-soulmate and I…”

“And you are his? Pretty much. He told me everything over the years, I just didn’t know how you looked like because you ran away before I could see you.”

“Wait, what? What are you-“

“You know, at the Waterpark a few years ago? Haru knew it was you. But you got out so fast I didn’t manage to spot you and Haru kept yelling at me to hide and ahh…”

“It was him?! At the pool?” Makoto lunched himself towards Rin and almost attacked the confused swimmer with his questions.

“Y-Yeah, dude. He was there with me and my sister when he suddenly dove underwater and refused to get out and I had no idea what he was doing. Until he told me it must’ve been you because all the colours came back to him and he didn’t want you to see him… It was just a mess… So you saw them too? We were never sure.”

“Yeah… but only for an instant. I tried searching for the other person but no matter where I looked, I couldn’t see them… And then I was pushed outside of the building and had to give up.” Makoto remembered the event clearly, the sudden appearance of colours and his gaze rapidly searching the indoor pool area, scanning the water surface and only catching a glimpse of a burgundy-red ponytail breaching the surface of the water. _He was underwater… No wonder I couldn’t find him._ Makoto thought, slightly smiling at the awkward encounter and Haruka’s desperate attempt at hiding.

“Huh, that’s interesting. But yeah, I’m sorry we’re giving you a hard time. I know it’s the end of the semester and we just barged into your life uninvited and we also had to join your team. But he’s a really nice guy, you know… I know hiding and avoiding you maybe wasn’t the best choice ever, but he didn’t want to hurt you.”

“No, I… I understand… I can’t say I blame him either. If I’m handling it so poorly now, I can’t even imagine how it used to be when we were kids. I’m the one that’s giving you trouble because you need to train, but he can’t focus on that if I keep collapsing every time I see him…”

“Nah, don’t worry about it. I mean, I’d probably swing the guitar into his face if he heard me sing like that, but I guess fainting also sends the message of how much of a bad idea his approach was…” Rin jokingly added and Makoto thought he would die from embarrassment when he realised Haruka wasn’t the only person who heard that inappropriate song.

“What should I do now?” The confused boy asked Rin, hoping for some advice on how to approach his situation with Haruka.

“Whatever you want, man. I just had to fix the mess Haruka made last weekend and make sure you understand he isn’t doing this on purpose.”

“Yeah, but, should I do something? I feel like he did all of those things for me and I can’t even do one little thing for him and he said he doesn’t care about soulmates and-”

“He said WHAT?! I can’t… No no no, he didn’t mean tha-“

“Makooo-chaaaan, Rin-chaaaan! Where are you? Is everything okay?” A familiar voice reached their ears and Rin clicked his tongue in annoyance.

“Sorry, Tachibana, we’ll have to finish this some other time. Just remember – he’s kind of a _baka_.” Rin stood up with his wide smirk and reached for the doors before Nagisa had the chance to take them down.

“Yeah, sorry, guys. I just reaaaally had to talk to the captain for a minute. Is everything good?” He quickly glanced across the pool area and caught sight of the three eager freshmen surrounding Haruka with their words of praise and he immediately recognised he would have to go save his friend from all the noise and questions.

His long stride led him outside, while Makoto used another few seconds to gather his thoughts before joining the rest of the team. _I still don’t know what I’m supposed to do…_

 

 

 

The rest of the practice went by in a more peaceful manner. Rin made sure to keep Haruka occupied at all times, the two of them doing their own training regime on the side while Makoto directed the rest of his team. His mind was still swirling with questions and he caught himself staring at the blue-eyes boy multiple times, entranced by the way he looked, surrounded by the blueness of the pool.

Nevertheless, hearing some positive news and recognising Rin’s efforts to help the situation gave him some hope about the future. _I just need to find the best way to help him. And make sure to find a way to deal with the colours –_ he thought. But what bothered him the most and stood in the way of letting himself believe there was a way for him and Haruka to get to know each other, was the fact he was still unable to remember their past. _Haru-chan. Is that how I used to call him? But then why wouldn’t I remember anything about him?_

“Mako-chaaan, are we done yet?” Nagisa asked the captain in a pleading manner, his hair sticking to the smaller boy’s face. Makoto stared at his long-term friend for a second before responding, having the chance to see the boy’s blond hair and magenta eyes for the first time.

“I-I guess we could end it here.” He responded, earning a couple of satisfied smiles from the rest of the team.

“Makoto-senpai, do you want to join us for ice-cream?” The taller boy with glasses asked, his dark blue hair and purple eyes catching Makoto’s attention.

“I-I don’t know, I should be going-“

“That’s a great idea, Rei! How did you think of that? We should definitely do that! Yes!” Nagisa added, with too much enthusiasm even for his younger friend and Makoto realised it was something of a mutual agreement between his friends to corner him. He knew he had no chance of getting out of it this time so he simply agreed to take them up on the invitation.

“We’re usually done by this time, are you two going as well or?” Makoto directed his question towards their newest members, but his eyes were more focused on Rin than the enchanting boy next to him.

“We were thinking of staying some more, we’ve missed quite a few practices in the last week. We’ll put everything inside when we’re done.” Rin responded and Haruka nodded slightly, neither of the two professional swimmers showing any sign of exhaustion, while Makoto felt the soft throbbing in most of his leg muscles from the training.

“Okay! Morano, can you show them where we keep our equipment, please?”

 

 

…

 

 

The three boys found themselves sitting at a table at a small park a five minute walk from their school. They stopped at a convenience store on the way and picked up some ice-cream, but Makoto couldn’t ignore the small stares and nudges exchanged by his two friends.

They talked about the practice and how impressive Rin and Haruka’s race had been, almost as if testing Makoto’s reaction to the topic. He knew his friends had been suspicious of his behaviour ever since he collapsed for the first time and he was aware of his own tries at avoiding their worried questions every day.

“Makoto-senpai.” He was once again awoken from his thoughts and he gazed up at Rei’s piercing glare as the boy lifted his hand and adjusted his glasses. “Why didn’t you tell us you knew Haruka-senpai from before?”

“What? No, I-I mean, it turned out we did know each other before, but I just can’t remember. I didn’t know it myself until two days ago.” Makoto was surprised by the sudden question, but for once he was able to tell the truth, even if it hurt.

“But he is your soulmate, Mako-chan.” Nagisa gently added, his big eyes losing their spark as Makoto watched them in their usual greyness.

“How did you-“

“We’re your friends, Makoto. Of course we figured it out.” Rei added, his face showing compassion and making Makoto’s insides twist. _Why do they know?_

“When Rin-chan practically dragged you away earlier, we asked Haruka about it and he mentioned you guys knew each other from before.” The smaller boy added, slightly pouting because he had to learn this information from a stranger, rather than his friend.  

“And the only possible explanation as to why you’ve been acting so strangely and seem to be really surprised when he comes along is this one.”

“I’m sorry… It’s just that he appeared out of nowhere and I don’t really know what to do about it. Do you… do you see all of them?” Makoto asked his friends and both of them understood his vague question.

“No.” Rei answered and Makoto looked at the other boy, his expression difficult to discern.

“I was able to see a few of them ever since Rei and I met. Remember how I tried real hard to recruit him for our club? It just had to be him. I just wanted to know if he could see them too…” Nagisa’s smiley face showed a trace of sadness, but also his usual stubbornness that Makoto sometimes admired.

“He told me about it a few months ago. I had no idea… And it wasn’t the same for me, everything had been completely grey for me the entire time.” Rei added, his tone calm and serious.

“But Rei-chain fell for me anyway!” Nagisa added with a wide grin, poking at Rei’s shoulder with his index finger.

“Nagisa! Don’t say it like that!” Rei told his partner, but there was no way for him to hide the incoming dark shades of grey spreading across his cheeks.

“So wait, you two got together even though you’re not soulmates?”

“Well, I think Rei is my soulmate.” Nagisa added with another pout.

“And I started seeing a few colours as we continued dating. But it never mattered much to me. I just… it felt right, to be together.” Makoto stared surprisingly at his taller friend, shook by the new information. 

“But don’t you feel like… I don’t know, I always thought it was best if two people who were soulmates ended up together and nothing else could be as good…?” He asked his friends, remembering all the stories and books he had read about the Chromaron. All of them praised the perfection of two people who were meant to be together and no one ever told him something else would be better.

“Just because someone is your _destined soulmate,_ doesn’t mean it’s automatically going to work out. Relationships are hard and sure, the universe might be telling you someone is perfect for you, but it means nothing unless you try and make it work. Same goes for other people.”

“That’s right, Rei-chan! All I cared about is if he felt the same! The soulmate thing is just weird and complicated and doesn’t matter to me.” Nagisa happily added and shared a look with Rei that conveyed so much happiness and not even Rei managed to fight a smile.

_The soulmate thing doesn’t matter –_ the same words he had heard two days prior and almost broke his heart. This time, they were said with an affectionate smile and showed Makoto just how much his friends cared about one another, even if they weren’t _meant_ to be together. _Maybe…_

“So just know that whatever you decide and want to do, we’re here for you, Makoto. If you don’t like the guy, that’s fine.”

“No! I mean… It’s not that I don’t like him. I just don’t know anything about him and he knows so much about me…”

“You should get to know him then! Rei-chan, we should help too!” Nagisa’s big grey eyes stared directly at Makoto’s and for the first time since Haruka entered his life again, he had at least a sense of what he was supposed to do.

 

 


	12. Send the Message

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You’re gonna invite him over.”   
> “WHAT?”   
> “Yeah. For coffee. Or dinner. Whatever you want. Just get him to come here.”   
> “No, I-I can’t do that, it’s way too soon, Rin-“   
> “It’s perfect. Oh yeah, I got you his number.” Rin didn’t even bother listening to Haruka’s desperate pleas as he exited his game and searched his phone for Makoto’s contact information.

“So what did you tell him?” Haruka had his sketch book open on the table in front of him, twirling a colourless pencil between his fingers.

“Just… stuff. At least now he knows you suck at explaining and maybe he won’t freak out the next time you say something stupid…” Rin answered his friend, playing some kind of game on his smartphone.

“Yes, but, what _exactly_ did you tell him? Does he get it now? What did he say? Is he mad at me? Did I-“

“Okay, chill. I told him we’re friends and how you moved in with my family a few years ago. Oh yeah, dude, he told me about the Waterpark!”

“He did?!” Haruka quickly spun around in his chair and stared at the other boy.

“Mhm… He saw the colours too. _And_ he was looking for you.” Rin added with a mischievous grin, winking slightly at the blushing Haruka.

“But he didn’t know it was me, right?”

“Nope. But he’s obviously starting to remember. I mean, he called you by that nickname, right?”

Haruka’s blush spread even further down his cheeks as he nodded in conformation.

“And he doesn’t know what to do. Not that it’s surprising, but he is like super lost. So what are _you_ gonna do, Haru?”

“I don’t know… I should still give him time to adjust and wait until-“

“A-a, no more waiting. You’ve waited for like ten years to see him again and so you’re gonna start doing stuff.” Rin confidently stopped Haruka’s insecure thoughts, his friend staring at the taller boy in horror.

“D-Do what?” Haruka asked in confusion, the pencil in his hand long forgotten as he directed all of his attention towards Matsuoka’s wicked grin.

“You _’_ re gonna invite him over.”

“WHAT?”

“Yeah. For coffee. Or dinner. Whatever you want. Just get him to come here.”

“No, I-I can’t do that, it’s way too soon, Rin-“

“It’s perfect. Oh yeah, I got you his number.” Rin didn’t even bother listening to Haruka’s desperate pleas as he exited his game and searched his phone for Makoto’s contact information.

“But why do you-“

“Nagisa gave it to me. There you go, I sent you his number.” Haruka was on the verge of begging for Rin to stop, but his phone vibrated inside of his pocket and curiosity took over. He unlocked his screen and opened Rin’s last message, immediately regretting ever agreeing to let Rin get involved.

 

**1 new message from Rin**

_Guitar-boy’s phone number. Hit him up! Or I’ll do it for you. And you don’t want that. ;)_

 

“RIN!” But Rin was already out the door, leaving Haruka alone to stare at the unfamiliar digits on his screen. _Rin, why are you doing this to me…_

…

 

 

Makoto had been doing his Maths homework for over an hour, his mind constantly switching from the notebook in his lap towards the club room and his conversation with Rin.

Ever since he learnt about Haruka’s family situation and how much he worked in order to achieve his dreams, Makoto felt even more admiration for the young swimming prodigy. But at the same time, he felt undeniably miserable and useless. They were the same age, but Haruka was already on his way to become one of the best athletes in Japan, his future bright and promising.

On the other hand, Makoto was still wasting his time, unable to figure out what he wanted to do in life. He was decent in every subject at school, but didn’t excel at anything. He was more than aware of how poorly he was leading the Club, knowing how swimming was never going to be his choice of career. Nor any kind of job requiring leadership skills.

He glanced at a small opened cupboard next to the doors of his room, his eyes scanning the shelves with a few medals he had won years ago. But the sight only made him feel worse, his greatest achievements nothing but small-tournament prises.

He tried turning his attention back towards his homework, but a voice in his head kept asking _why. Why am I even bothering with this?_ He remembered his childhood and the countless aspirations occupying his mind. He wasn’t sure whether he wanted to be a doctor or a fire-fighter or maybe a scientist. But none of those options seemed plausible at the time, his motivation long gone and the only thing keeping his grades up was the habit of studying he had developed over the years.

 

_Vzzzzzt, vzzzzzt._

His phone vibrated on the desk, the small blue light in its top corner indicating a new message. He quickly drew the pattern he used as a password and stared surprisingly at the unknown phone number.

 

_Do you want to come over for dinner? Rin said he still had some things to talk to you about. Me too. I mean, he wanted to talk to us. 7 o’clock._

_Haruka._

Makoto’s heart stopped for a moment, but started beating uncontrollably the moment he read the name written at the bottom of the text. _Haruka. Haruka! He invited me for dinner? Rin – he wanted to talk to me. To talk to me and Haruka?_

His mind was struggling to catch up to the unexplainable shivers rushing all over his body, feeling unbelievably happy for knowing Haruka went through the trouble of sending him an invite even though Makoto didn’t deserve it. But then he realised how unfair it would be to go over there, to Haruka and Rin’s place, when both of them had already done so much for Makoto.

He remembered the last time he was in Haruka’s living room, waking up on the couch and feeling the embarrassment overwhelming him. _They helped me then as well –_ he thought, an anxious feeling creeping around his mind. _I don’t know if I can do this, what if I mess it up again and they realise I’m not worth the trouble and just give up-_

_Vzzzzzt, vzzzzzt._

 

Makoto felt the vibration in his open palm, immediately gazing at the screen. _Haru?_

 

**From: Nagisa**

_Heeeeeey Mako-chaaan!! Forgot to tell you Rin-chan asked me about your phone number earlier ;) He said they’ll be inviting you over OMG you gotta go! Rei and I are rooting for you! GOOD LUCK! Tell us how it goes okay? :D :D_

_Nagisa!_ Makoto realised how his neighbours managed to contact him, not really surprised by his friend’s drastic actions. _You can’t just give people my number!_ But something inside of him was celebrating, knowing they went through the trouble of talking to Nagisa. Even if it was mostly Rin who did it.

_But I’m still not sure if I can do this…_

 

…

 

 

“Let me see!”

“No! It’s fine, I invited him over, okay? I did what you asked!” Haruka tried his best to keep his phone away from Rin’s long arms, but the taller boy wouldn’t cave in.

“So show me what you sent!”

“Why?”

“So I know if you fucked it up again!” Rin yelled out in annoyance, finally grabbing Haruka’s phone and swiftly unlocking the screen. Two seconds later and he was looking at Haruka’s sent messages, grunting in disapproval.

“What is this?! I never said I wanted to talk to him! It was supposed to be so _you_ could talk to him! HARU!”

“What? It was your idea. It’s not like I have something specific to tell him…”

“You chicken! And you just wrote the time and didn’t even bother asking if that was okay with him. Now you don’t even know if he’s coming or what!”

Haruka’s eyebrows rose slightly in surprise, Rin’s annoyed complaints making some sense after all.

“Too bad. Maybe he doesn’t come. Oh well.” Haruka was on his way outside the room, but Rin pulled his friend towards the kitchen.

“A-a. _You_ are going to make us all some dinner. It better be good, dude. Don’t poison him as well.” Haruka started wincing in protest, but Rin was already digging through the fridge and piling random groceries on their kitchen table until the raven-haired boy sighed, giving up.

“Fine! Go clean the apartment then.”

Haruka tried to ignore the victorious smirk spreading across Rin’s entire face as he organised the groceries and looked for an apron to wear. _He’s really pushing it… I doubt Makoto is gonna come anyways so why am I…_

 

 

At 18:59, the doorbell rang. Haruka and Rin shared a look, the taller boy whispering _I told you so_ and mocking him. The raven-haired boy took a deep breath and walked towards the entrance to his house, his friend following suit.

He opened the door, the chilly evening air reaching his nostrils and cooling down the burning in his cheeks. He knew who it was as he was the one that invited him, but instead of preparing for the encounter, he spent the rest of his afternoon convincing himself there was absolutely no way for his neighbour to show up.

But even if he was technically aware that opening those doors would lead to him standing face-to-face to his soulmate, he still felt every bit surprised and awestruck that the other boy actually came.

“H-Hi. I hope I’m not late.” The shy smile spread across the brunet’s face, his emerald green eyes shining slightly underneath the porch lights. Haruka swallowed a lump in his throat, quickly scanning over Makoto’s dark blue jeans and an olive-green button-down that matched his eyes and hair.

“You’re just on time. Right, Haru?” Rin jumped in between them, breaking the little illusion and the staring between the other two boys.

“Y-Yeah. Come in.” Haruka silently awarded his friend with a smile and invited their guest inside. Makoto’s hands were tucked into his pockets as he walked inside and thanked them for the invitation.

“It still looks the same. I mean – I-I’m sorry, Haruka. I didn’t want to bring it up-“

“No, I get it. We didn’t want to change much because grandma loved this house. It reminds me of her too.” Haruka responded with a thoughtful expression, but Makoto welcomed the understanding behind it.

“Alright then, now that we got the sad stuff out of the way, can we go eat?” The burgundy-haired boy started walking towards the dining area and the other two had no choice but to follow.

 

 

Makoto entered the familiar dining room, catching a glimpse of the kitchen his neighbour used to invite him into and give him freshly baked cookies. She never failed to ask how he was doing and whether school was going well. But now she was gone and her grandson moved in, so close to Makoto and yet so far away.

He was glad it wasn’t just him and Haruka in the house, Rin’s interruptions and jokes more than welcome. Were it not for the redhead, he would still be staring at Haruka and an apron tied around his waist. There was something incredibly cute about how the two dolphins jumped out of the water across his chest, the blueness of the fabric matching his sapphire eyes.

The round table was set for three, the plates and utensils neatly organised in a circle. Makoto immediately realised there was way more food than needed for this small number of people, but everything looked delicious.

“Jeez, Haru! Did you invite 5 more people in the meantime?” Rin seemed to share his thoughts, but the raven-haired boy only glared at his roommate and shrugged him off, saying he was hungry.

_Haru made all of this? That’s – he’s way too perfect…_

The three of them sat down in silence, each of them reaching to take scoops of different sorts of dishes. There was undeniably tension between all of them, Makoto starting to question whether this was a good idea after all.

“So, hmm, Matsuoka-kun? Nanase-kun said you wanted to ask me something?” Makoto remembered the text he had received and Nagisa telling him Rin was the one who asked about his phone number.

Rin shot a glare at his silent friend across the table, Haruka staring at a piece of mackerel in his plate like it was the most interesting thing in the world.

“Ehm… yes. I did. Yes, I did… So… are you into girls?”

Makoto almost choked on a cooked potato that he had been chewing in his mouth prior to Rin’s question and Haruka’s plate made a noise as the raven-haired boy dropped his fork onto the porcelain surface.

“I-I… What?” Makoto felt the need to hide, knowing his cheeks took on a shade of bright pink as he stared at the smirking athlete.

“Rin.” Haruka issued a warning and glared daggers at his friend, but his own cheeks revealed he wasn’t doing much better either.

“What? It’s just a question. I mean, since you and Haru are soulmates, it would be kind of awkward if he were actually into girls and-“

“No! I mean… I don’t know… I haven’t really…” Makoto’s mind was a mess as he tried to formulate one decent sentence, but Rin’s question took him by surprise and he simply stared at his meal.

“It’s inappropriate and you know it. You can’t just ask someone that!” Haruka managed to speak up, taking back all thoughts about thanking Rin for this idea.

“Well I know you’re into guys but you never asked Tachibana so I-“

“RIN! Get out of here! Right now!” Haruka stood up, his usual composed-self exchanged for a furious look in his eyes and pursed lips.

“But we’re eating?” Rin asked in surprise, but Makoto noticed the playfulness in his voice.

“Rin!” Haruka raised his voice and Makoto stared in surprise as the normally timid boy displayed quite a bit of determination, not that Makoto could blame him after Rin’s comment.

“Fine, fine… I’ll eat upstairs. Good luck, you two!” He gave them another smirk, stuffed his plate full of food and rushed upstairs without saying another word.

Haruka visibly relaxed the moment his mischievous friend was out of sight, sitting down and exhaling loudly.

“I’m really sorry about this… He wanted me to invite you over and I thought that maybe there was a way we could just have a simple dinner together and talk but Rin…” Haruka’s thoughts travelled back towards the uncomfortable conversation, but Makoto felt an iciness in his chest.

“Oh… so it was Matsuoka-kun who wanted me to come… I-I should go… I’m sorry I-“

“No! That’s not what I meant! Ugh…” Makoto looked up at Haruka’s desperate blue eyes, his expression undiscernible, but there was an unspoken fight happening inside his brain.

“I’m just so bad at this… He knew I never would’ve invited you over on my own, even if I wanted to…”

Makoto’s eyebrows rose up in surprise, watching as the shorter boy displayed a new touch of vulnerability he had not seen before.

“You wanted to?” He tentatively asked, unsure whether he misunderstood what Haruka wanted to say.

“Yeah…” Makoto’s heart fluttered in his chest as he watched the sweetest pout coming from the boy sitting across the table.

“I-I’m glad. Really.” Was what he managed to mutter, but the way Haruka’s eyes lit up and the previous tension disappeared from his face made Makoto believe it wasn’t the worst answer he could had come up with.

“And you don’t have to answer. Any of it… I’d never ask that of you a-“

“N-No, it’s okay. I just really don’t know how to answer… I never really thought about anyone that way so I guess I just don’t know…?” He lifted his green eyes cautiously, afraid of Haruka’s reaction, prepared for two disappointed eyes watching him mutter those words. But they weren’t there. Instead – there was a small smile displayed across the other boy’s face.

“Never?” He asked instead of judging him, Makoto recognising the surprise in his quiet voice.

“N-No…”

“Huh…” Haruka puffed out a gust of air and looked at the untouched food on his plate, but it was difficult for him to hide his amusement.

“B-But he said that you, you know? G-Guys…” The last part was added in a very quiet manner, the silence of the house the only reason why Haruka managed to hear him. The smaller boy felt his face burning up, but he bit the insides of his cheeks and mustered an answer.

“Yeah… Rin… knows too much about me…” His eyes looked up as he heard a soft chuckle coming from the brunet, his embarrassment almost forgotten at the pretty sight.

But Makoto felt the tightening in his chest at the thought of what kind of person Haruka deserved to be with. _Someone amazing. Perfect. Just like him._

“Is everything okay, Makoto?”

“Oh, yeah… I was just thinking… Is… Is that how you used to call me? _Mako?_ ” He looked up to see Haruka’s puzzled expression, but the boy nodded at the mention of the spoken nickname.

“Yeah… I shouldn’t have just said it unexpectedly… I guess I was just hoping you would remember something, but I made it worse.” Haruka’s eyes were filled with regret and Makoto couldn’t blame him. _He did all of these things for me but I can’t remember. Why can’t I remember?!_

“No, I… just don’t know why I’m so bad at this… You said I’ve always kind of handled the colours badly?” Makoto asked, looking around the dim lit room with fewer colours than they contained during the day, making it easier for him to relax and enjoy their diversity.

“Not really… I think it was just really funny at the beginning – that we started seeing them. But then… it just got worse and I had to leave.”

“Worse? So it was okay for a while? Did something-“

“It doesn’t matter.” Haruka cut him off with a serious tone to his voice and Makoto stopped talking in the middle of his sentence. There was something dark hidden behind Haruka’s eyes, something that both drew Makoto in and unexplainably scared him. _Yeah, it doesn’t matter because I forgot about him… -_ Makoto understood, not wanting to pry any further.

“Am I interrupting something?” Two pairs of surprised eyes spun around towards the entrance to the kitchen, staring at Matsuoka’s wet hair and nothing but a towel tied around his waist. He posed the question but didn’t bother waiting for an answer as he entered the kitchen without a care in the world.  

“Rin…” Haruka growled at his roommate, but Rin simply shrugged him off and returned his empty plate into the sink.

“N-No, but I should go anyway. Still have to finish my homework for tomorrow. But thank you for inviting me. It was really nice. And the food was delicious, H-Haruka!” Makoto directed most of his comments towards the raven-haired boy, finally mustering the courage to use his first name out loud. He was too busy making sure Haruka was okay with lack of honorifics to completely miss the satisfied grin on Rin’s face.

“Do you wanna go swimming tomorrow?” The brunet was caught off-guard, his widened green eyes staring at Haruka’s blue ones for a few seconds. _Did he just ask me…?_

“Y-Yeah. We can do that. After school?” He fought back the surprise and calmed the butterflies in his stomach, trying to contain his excitement, but the corners of his mouth curled upwards.

“Sure. I’ll meet you at the entrance after your last lesson? I know where we could go.” The other boy responded, his nervous look softening at Makoto’s confirmative answer.

“Great – it’s a date!” The half-naked boy exclaimed and padded Haruka on the back, finally approving of his friend’s actions.

“Rin, I swear-“ Haruka attacked the taller guy, missing Makoto’s flushed face in the process.

“I-I’ll see you tomorrow.” He used the opportunity to escape into the living room and take a couple of long strides towards the doors. Haruka and Rin came to see him out, but they were still fighting and didn’t pay a lot of attention to Makoto’s quickened pace and wish to get away before the situation became even more embarrassing.

He told them both goodbye and took a deep breath, the cold evening air filling his lungs and cooling him down slightly. His mind was still rewinding his conversation with Haruka over and over - _He knew I never would’ve invited you over on my own, even if I wanted to_ – the way he avoided Makoto’s gaze as he revealed his little secret.

Makoto couldn’t wipe a satisfied grin off his face, the evening succeeded in calming the anxious thoughts that followed him anywhere he went. Right then, the happier memories he managed to create and information he learnt about his soulmate kept him above the surface. He wasn’t even aware of how the subtle hue of colours stayed in front of him, mixing with the dark shadows of the incoming night. They were gone by the time he reached his house.

 


	13. Break Apart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I called Sousuke – that’s their captain, when Rin and I moved to Iwatobi and he said we could use their pool from time to time if we needed a place to practice. And I’m pretty sure they end early on Tuesdays so it’s perfect.”   
> “I see… But what about me? I’m not on the national team and I don’t even know the guy! I’m pretty sure the invitation was more about you and Rin than some rand-“  
> “Don’t worry about it. You’re our captain, Makoto.” Haruka gazed at the taller boy in all seriousness, but Makoto felt his heart beat a little faster from how adorable that sentence was. Not that he felt he was in any way qualified to be called that way.

Makoto was nervously sitting at the edge of his chair, his gaze directed towards the blackboard, but his mind miles away from the classroom. His left hand was clutching the old dolphin plush toy underneath the desk, hidden away from the curiosity of his classmates. Every time his eyes closed for that split second when he blinked, vivid images of crashing waves filled his mind.

He started getting used to the interchanging of the colourless world around him and the richness of his flashbacks, their intensity even stronger now that he had be able to see the real colours practically every day.

His eyes darted towards the clock on the wall in front of the classroom, making Makoto realise only a minute passed since the last time he had checked. _Five more minutes. Four._

The excitement in his stomach grew with every passing second, the nerves making his right hand shake while attempting to take some notes because he barely processed the professor’s words. _Three minutes._ Three minutes until he would quickly pack the notebook and pencil case back into his school bag and rush outside. _I’ll meet you at the entrance after your last lesson –_ the words Haruka had told him the previous night still echoing inside his head.

The school bell rang, marking the end of the lesson and snapping Makoto out of his thoughts. The professor made a remark about some kind of homework assignment being due the next day, but Makoto’s ears weren’t listening to the annoyed sighs around him. He was focused on getting outside of the classroom as soon as possible, not wanting to be a hindrance and make Haruka wait for too long.

Just when he thought he had managed to swiftly enter the hallway unnoticed, an unfamiliar weight pressed down on his shoulder, something of an undiscernible shout reaching his mind.

“Tachibana! Damn, I know you’re in a hurry and all, but I’ve called your name like five times!” The words finally making sense in Makoto’s head as he realised the hand grasping his shoulder belonged to Haruka’s new roommate.

“Matsuoka? I-I didn’t hear you. I’m kind of-“

“I know, man, that’s why I wanted to talk to you. Decided I could go with you guys – I could use a good swim.” Even if his argument was perfectly solid from a logical point of view, the way his lips curled up in a smile and his pointy white teeth flashed before his eyes, Makoto assumed there was more to Rin’s plans than _just_ swimming.

“I don’t know if Haruka-“

“We’ll go ask him! Come on, he’s waiting.” And Rin was already strolling towards the exit, Makoto thinking it wasn’t his choice whether Haruka’s friend could come along or not. Even if he was slightly looking forward to spending some alone time with the raven-haired boy, away from the craziness caused by their friends.

 

“Haru!” Rin waved at his friend who was standing by the entrance, dressed in the same school uniform Makoto was wearing – a white short-sleeved button-down and black pants. His bag was slung across his shoulder, but he quickly looked up in annoyance at the shout.

“Rin. What are you doing here?” He asked his friend in a flat tone, Makoto unsure of whether he should explain why Rin was there or let the other two handle it themselves.

“Hi, H-Haruka! I’m sorry you had to wait.” He decided to greet the other boy first, Haruka’s features slightly softening and blue eyes enveloping Makoto into the sea of colours. _So beautiful._

“I wanna go too. Realised you didn’t even invite me yesterday. After I went through all the trouble-“

“We’re going to Samezuka.” Haruka simply stated, his lips hiding a mischievous grin as he waited for Rin’s reaction. Makoto stared in surprise as the burgundy-haired boy’s face flushed pink and his eyes widened in horror. He twitched his head nervously and combed his long red strands with his right hand in irritation.

“Tsk… I-I guess maybe next time then… I need to go. Bye.” And Rin was off in flash, leaving Haruka with a victorious smile on his face.

“What was _that_?” Makoto asked in confusion as the redhead quickly put distance between them, never looking back.

“There’s someone he has a crush on at Samezuka. And he embarrassed himself real hard in front of that person the last time. Figured he wouldn’t wanna go with us that way.”

“You – you did this on purpose? So we could go a-alone?” Makoto’s heart skipped a beat at the thought of Haruka wanting to spend time with him, _just_ him, just as he wanted to-

“Mhm. He was super annoying yesterday. I don’t even wanna know what he planned on doing today.” Haruka finished his thought before Makoto managed to celebrate, quickly realising this strategy was used just so Rin wouldn’t join them, not really so that him and Haruka could be alone. _If it was someone else, Haru probably wouldn’t mind they wanted to join us…_

“But wait, Samezuka? Aren’t they like a swimming powerhouse? I remember Rei telling me about it…”

“Their team is pretty much the best one around here. We’ve run into them a few times in competitions over the years and their captain used to train with us in Tokyo for a while.” Haruka continued his story as the two of them started walking towards the train station.

“I called Sousuke – that’s their captain, when Rin and I moved to Iwatobi and he said we could use their pool from time to time if we needed a place to practice. And I’m pretty sure they end early on Tuesdays so it’s perfect.”

“I see… But what about me? I’m not on the national team and I don’t even know the guy! I’m pretty sure the invitation was more about you and Rin than some rand-“

“Don’t worry about it. You’re our captain, Makoto.” Haruka gazed at the taller boy in all seriousness, but Makoto felt his heart beat a little faster from how adorable that sentence was. _Not that I’m in any way qualified to be called that way._

They spent the rest of the trip talking about Haruka’s tournament stories and harsh training regime he would have to endure every day once he was back in Tokyo. Makoto was glad the raven-haired boy seemed to relax and talk with ease about his career, but he was also genuinely interested in how a world-class elite’s life is different from his own.

Makoto told him about Ran and Ren, how his siblings always fight for his attention and make a very lively home. He talked about their constant bickering and fights over the TV remote, but also the way they greeted him when he came home from school, wanting to show him a dozen new things they had discovered in his absence.

It took Makoto until they were almost at their destination, to realise how easy it had been to talk to Haruka, now they were alone and he focused on the other boy’s stories instead of the bright colours around him. But even as he glanced at the unfamiliar streets lined with reds and yellows, he didn’t seem to be struggling as much, his eyes immediately drawn back to the way Haruka’s jet-black hair framed his face and emphasised the blueness of his eyes.

“We’re here.” Haruka stopped abruptly in front of a sign reading _Samezuka Academy._

The high-school complex was nothing like Makoto’s small school he was used to, its great vastness making him widen his eyes in awe. Haruka, on the other hand, seemed completely accustomed to fancy academies and it took Makoto a moment to remember that this must had been a normal occurrence for the professional athlete.

They walked past the entrance and looked around for a map showing the general layout of the place, their eyes quickly scanning the board until they caught sight of the marking with _Pool Club Area_ written on it. Following the instructions, they found the aforementioned building and Makoto swallowed a lump in his throat before following Haruka inside.

Used to their small six-lane pool behind the school, the one he had personally cleaned and brought back to life with his teammates, Makoto could only stare in awe at the majestic indoor pool taking up most of the building. The walls on three sides and the ceiling were made out of glass, the afternoon sun still bathing the water in a light shade of blue. Two rows of fenced out viewing balconies lined the longer sides of the building, a dozen people or so gathered to watch a simple practice.

Only it was anything _but_ a simple practice like the ones Makoto organised – at least two dozen swimmers organised all around the area in groups of various sizes. Some of them were doing neatly rehearsed laps in the pool, a smaller group working on some finishing stretches on the side, and another, very imposing couple of guys observing and documenting everyone’s work.

“This is…” But the words had failed him and he was left speechless. _We’re just a joke compared to this._

One of the guys standing aside and holding a whistle in his left hand and a clipboard in the other stood out among the rest. His short, dark-brown hair framed his face nicely, the boy’s strong jawline and beautiful teal-coloured eyes drawing Makoto’s attention. But the most impressive thing about him was the assortment of carved out muscles lining his body head to toe. Wide shoulders and strong biceps supported his arms pressed against his hips. And judging by the way his legs and torso showed no sign of anything but muscle, Makoto deducted this had to be the guy Haruka talked about. Because the only other person he had ever seen and whose physique had even a slight chance of being a competition to this remarkable swimmer – was no other than Haruka’s impressive roommate.

He was about to ask his companion on whether they should approach Samezuka’s captain and ask for permission, but the raven-haired boy was no longer standing beside him. Makoto spun around and caught a glimpse of black over-the-knee trunks with familiar purple stripes lining their length, right before they submerged underwater.

_H-Haru?!_ But it was already too late, the raven-haired boy slowly moving underneath the surface, the rest of his clothes finding shelter on a nearby chair. The rest of the gym fell silent at the display, even the impressive-looking swimmers stopping dead in their tracks and gazing at the stranger perfectly threading through the water.  

“NANASE! Get out of my pool!” The angered brunet raced towards the edge of the pool, quickly discarding the clipboard and his whistle to a confused grey-haired boy with a small figure.

“And you! _Who_ are you?!” Makoto’s body froze at the sudden stares he was getting from all sides, the captain’s footsteps approaching until the two turquoise eyes glared at him from above. _Oh no._

“He’s with me, Sousuke. Let him go.” Haruka reached them from the other side of the pool in just a few short seconds, making barely any noise underwater.

“OH don’t even get me started on you! What do you think you’re doing here?!” Makoto was glad for the sudden relief, but he stared in awe as Haruka didn’t even flinch while being yelled at. His face was the same indifferent self, giving the impression that barging into another school’s training area and jumping into their pool wasn’t anything out of the ordinary.

“You said we could come swim here if we wanted to. _You_ invited me.”

“I said CALL me if you need to book the pool! What happened to the call?!” The captain was even more furious than before, a few other boys silently snickering, probably because the yelling wasn’t directed at them.

“I forgot.” Haruka exclaimed in all honesty, but the way Sousuke’s face contorted into a mixture of pain and despair made Makoto fear for the enthusiastic swimmer.

“I give up… You still haven’t told me who _this_ guy is though?” His voice was of a much calmer tone now, but he still disliked the unfamiliar person Haruka came with.

“Makoto. He’s the captain of the Swimming Club at the school I transferred to. That’s why he’s here.”

Makoto managed to properly introduce himself with his full name and shake Sousuke’s hand who raised his eyebrows in surprise and traced his expertly-trained eyes all over the green-eyed boy.

“ _He_ is the captain? At Iwatobi? I’ve never seen you before.” He suspiciously added, still thoroughly checking out Makoto who wanted to dive into that pool just so no one could see his flaming cheeks.

“W-We don’t really compete. Didn’t have the members for it until this year.” He managed to mutter, but the piercing eyes from Samezuka’s captain made him feel utterly small and helpless, even if they were almost the same height.

“Hmmmm… I see. Well, I’ll let it slide for today. But if you ever barge into my training like this again, Nanase, I swear…”

“Thanks, Sousuke.” Haruka looked more than pleased with himself, diving back underneath and forgetting about the little interruption.

“Are you competing this year? You have both Nanase and that other annoying guy on your team now.” The captain’s eyes returned to their normal self, even the tone of his voice taking on a friendly tone.

“I-I don’t really know… We haven’t discussed it yet…”

“You should do it. Stop with the excuses, Captain.” He simply stated and turned around, while Makoto stared at his back and the knowing words still etched into his brain. _How did he…_

“Alright, listen up! I want five more laps from anyone still in the pool, followed by the usual stretching at the end! Mikoshiba – take some guys with you, you’re on clean up duty! Don’t think I didn’t see that!” Sousuke confidently directed his entire team, catching a mischievous red-haired boy rolling his eyes at some of his teammates.

 

Makoto waited for another 30 minutes until the Samezuka Swimming team finished with their final workout and all equipment had been put away. He simply didn’t have Haruka’s courage to strip down into his swimming trunks and jump into the pool until everyone else left. Which meant he had plenty of time to simply gaze at the raven-haired boy’s slow laps around the pool. He knew better than to question Haruka’s speed and ability, but it seemed like the boy enjoyed the feeling of water surrounding his body more than the actual races.

 

Haruka was more than aware of the green eyes following his every movement but he tried to push past the embarrassment and pretend it was just like any tournament with hundreds of people judging his swimming. Except that it wasn’t the same. _Not one bit._

He didn’t notice when the building cleared out and all the swimmers left the area, but he heard a splash coming to his right and almost missed Makoto’s dive. _He’s not that bad._

He was slightly surprised to see the brunet rise above the water and position his hands and knees right at the edge of the pool, closing his eyes and swinging his body backwards. _Backstroke?_ Haruka’s curious eyes watched as the other boy finished a decent lap, the muscles of his upper body becoming more apparent during the powerful strokes, definitely indicating a presence of some coaching over the years. _If he practiced more, then maybe…_

Haruka wasn’t stupid enough to suggest something like a race, knowing quite well it would only make Makoto lose even more confidence. But he had to admit there was something calming to the other boy’s style, the way his strong back supported him above the surface and he was able to see his face as he swam lapses at medium speed.

Suddenly, he heard the soft thumping on glass and looked up, recognising the small droplets of water hitting the ceiling.

“Haruka?” Came from the right as he spotted the other boy’s worried gaze, clutching the edge of the pool for support.

“It’s nothing. Just rain. That’s why it’s good we came here anyway. Indoor pools are so much better.” He smiled slightly, pushing himself away from the ridge and diving underneath the lane dividers to get closer to the other boy.

“B-But how come you brought me here? I mean, their captain was obviously not fond of me being here and it’s just weird seeing this team…”

“I just… wanted to get away from everyone…” Haruka noted in a thoughtful manner, his gaze scanning the surface of the water that glistened in his eyes. But as soon as he caught a glimpse of Makoto’s horrified expression, he quickly tried correcting himself.

“NO – what I meant was, get away from everyone else. A-And get to know _you_ …” He was never the one to pick the right words or express his feelings correctly, but the mess they had found themselves in because of his mistakes made him realise he had to try harder.

Judging by the way the emerald-green eyes widened in surprise and the blush occupied Makoto’s checks, he hoped he had said the right thing, at least this one time.

“But I feel like you already know so much. Even Rin – he, he seemed to know more about me than I know about you… I’m so sorry, Haruka…”

“Rin – I… I just told him everything over the years because he was my best friend and I couldn’t talk to you about it so… I know it wasn’t fair of me to do that and he can be a little too much sometimes, but he’s a really good person, deep, deep down…” Haruka managed a week smile, but Makoto returned it and the atmosphere got a little less tense.

The weather outside the building started getting worse, the winds picking up and heavier rain echoing against the glass ceiling. The water lost its shine from the sunrays, the clouds now covering the entire area and enveloping them in darkness. Only the lights inside the pool turned on automatically, casting shadows on their submerged bodies.

“Maybe we should go after all?” Makoto asked nervously, glancing around the abandoned building and instinctively looking for the exit. Haruka thought about their choices for a second, but decided getting outside of the pool and the water would be the best option.

“Yeah, we could wait inside until the rain calms down. No point in running outside when it’s pouring like this.” Haruka pushed himself up on the palms of his hands and swiftly lifted his body out of the water. He walked a few steps towards where Makoto was still anxiously gazing around at the incoming storm.

“Makoto. Are you still afraid of the dark?” Haruka asked, catching Makoto’s surprised gaze and a forced smile trying to mask his discomfort.

“Ha-ha, I guess a little bit. I’ll be fine though.”

“Hmm… Come on.” Haruka exclaimed, stretching out his right arm above the surface and waiting for Makoto to take his hand. The brunet considered it for a moment, but he managed to fight back the nervousness and extend his own hand towards Haruka’s fingers. But just as his own digits grasped around the smaller boy’s gentle hand and shivers ran down his spine, a lightning flashed in the sky and Makoto shot back like he was the one hit by electricity.

Haruka felt Makoto’s hand withdraw immediately, the brunet’s eyes filled with horror and staring at him, but barely registering anyone was standing above him.

“Makoto?” Haruka quickly asked in a worried tone, the way Makoto’s face filled with sadness and regret stabbing him in the chest.

His emerald-green eyes turned into an endless pit of darkness, sucking in the remains of light still present in the building. Haruka felt his own heart race in his chest, unable to figure what had happened.

Makoto’s body turned into a lifeless limp, barely keeping afloat as his eyes filled with tears and all colour drained from his face.

“I-I’m so sorry. I remember… Haru… I remember what I did.” He said, his voice filled with dreadful misery and remorse, Haruka unable to believe his words. Another lightning zapped across the sky, lighting the area for a second.

But that one second was more than enough for the blue-eyed boy to watch as his soulmate quickly prompted his body out of the water and raced for the exit, barely remembering to grab his clothes and bag from the chairs.

Haruka forgot how to move, but only for a few seconds, as he rushed for the boy with tears streaming down his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, everyone! :)  
> I know you're all eager to see the moment these two finally catch a break because they deserve all the happiness in the world! But the next chapter is going to be about what happened in their childhood and why Haruka tried desperately to hide it from Makoto who just wouldn't be able to move past the memories.   
> Unfortunately, the memories were triggered when they were at the pool and now Makoto knows everything.   
> I am going to apologise in advance for the saddest chapter I'm going to publish, but it's something I've been building up for so long and I hope everyone realises that Makoto's anxiety and the fear of hurting Haruka wouldn't just go away in an instant. 
> 
> You've all been warned, but I promise it will lead to something better! :)


	14. Don't Drown (Me Out)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “No, Rin, I can’t, I gotta find him-“ Haruka was desperately begging his friend, unable to wait inside while Makoto was somewhere outside in the cold and all alone. 
> 
> “Shut up. Of course we won’t just stay inside and wait. But aimlessly running around town isn’t any better than the random search the police is gonna do. We’re gonna call Nagisa and see if Makoto contacted his friends.” 
> 
> “B-But what if-“
> 
> “Then we go look for him.” Rin was already inside the house and searching for Nagisa’s phone number, Haruka using the moment to sit down on the floor and take a deep breath. He had been running and stressing out over Makoto’s disappearance for over an hour now, finally realising he was running out of energy. They had spent the entire day at school and he did quite a few laps back at Samezuka’s. But it was the fear and anxiety about Makoto’s safety that drained him completely, unable to form one single coherent thought.

Haruka dressed up as fast as humanly possible, his shoelaces tied in a rush and making him almost trip at the doors. He didn’t even bother wiping off his body with a towel, simply pulling the dry clothes over his swimming trunks. Not that it mattered anyway because he was soaking wet the second he had exited the building and jumped outside into the pouring rain.

His mind was going crazy, his eyes frantically searching for the olive-brown haired boy around the academy. He shouted out Makoto’s name over and over, but the sound of his voice was muffled by the heavy rain drops hitting the stone pavement around him.

He knew there was a very slight chance of finding the other boy on the school premises, but he decided to quickly run around the nearby club buildings. He started sprinting through the maze of the same-looking, greyed out buildings, hoping he’d be able to catch a glimpse of the brunet taking shelter in one of them. But all of them were covered in darkness, the lights turned off and looking extremely uninviting. He wanted to hope he knew Makoto well enough to know the other boy wouldn’t hide in an unknown deserted building.

Haruka ran all the way towards the train station Makoto and he had left a few hours ago, quickly checking the board for incoming trains. _One left just a few minutes ago._ Another one was due to arrive in 23 minutes. Not wasting a single second, Haruka searched the area in-between the school and the station one more time, with no result. He tried his best to stay calm and look for Makoto, but the dread of something bad happening to his soulmate slowly started filling his mind with darkened thoughts.

As soon as he boarded the next train, he tried reaching Makoto’s cell, but his phone was off and only pushed despair deeper inside of Haruka’s heart. The way Makoto’s eyes had filled with regret and his face became swallowed in sadness – Haruka was afraid what Makoto would do once he had learnt the truth. An aching in his gut was telling him this wasn’t just another episode of the other boy trying to put some space between them. There was a reason he kept the details from their past hidden from the brunet. And now that Makoto finally remembered… Haruka was terrified.

 

He jumped across the stairs leading up to his house, slamming the doors open and barging into his hallway. He didn’t care about the water dripping down his hair and clothes or the small puddles he had left by the door. Or the fact that he ran all the way from the station, his heart beating a million times a minute and his throat sore from calling out Makoto’s name on the way.

“What the hell, Haru, are you cra-“

“He’s gone, Rin! Makoto is gone!” The raven-haired boy yelled desperately at his roommate, Rin’s face quickly changing from annoyed to seriously worried.

“Wow, slow down, where did he-“

“He remembered everything! A-And he just ran away and I don’t-“

“WHAT?! Fuck… Okay – we’ll find him. Did you go to his house?” Rin asked his friend, but Haruka seemed to be too distressed and exhausted to even understand the meaning behind his words. He hated the look in Haruka’s eyes – the lack of judgement and full of despair, the shorter boy’s body shivering from the cold and his voice almost gone.

“Go upstairs. Change into something warm and grab a jacket. We’ll go ask his parents, okay?”

“N-No, there’s no time, I gotta-“

“Dude, listen to me. Go change. His parents are gonna freak out if they see you like this. Go!” Rin ushered his friend towards his bedroom and took his own advice, grabbing a wind jacket and boots out of the shoe cabinet.

Haruka stormed down the stairs only a few short minutes after, the panic in his eyes still apparent, but at least he wasn’t soaking wet anymore. They quickly exited the apartment, Rin remembering to grab an umbrella and shielding them both from the rain, but the wind was too strong and it practically made it break in half, leaving them no choice but to cover their heads with the hoods of their jackets and run.

 

Rin knocked on Tachibanas’ door three times, Haruka looking as though he’d rather be anywhere else but standing in front of his soulmate’s parents and telling them what had happened to their son. After all these years and the first time they got to see the raven-haired boy would also be the day when they learnt how their son went missing.

“Yes?” A tall man dressed in a comfortable blazer and dark jeans opened the door, his soft grey eyes staring at the unexpected guests wandering around in the rain.

“Ta-Tachibana-san? I-Is Makoto home?” Haruka nervously asked, trying to look straight into the man’s eyes even though rain drops kept sliding down his face.

“Dear? Can you come here for a bit?” Makoto’s father called for someone inside the house, his expression undiscernible. “No. I’m afraid he still hasn’t come back.” The words Haruka had feared, which meant Makoto was still somewhere out there, in the raging storm.

“Hmm? What is it?” A dark-haired woman appeared beside her husband, wearing a knee-length light grey skirt and a floral blouse on top. But as soon as her eyes caught sight of the two boys standing outside the doors, she let out a barely audible gasp.

“Nanase-kun? Is that really you?”

“Y-Yeah…”

“Where is Makoto?” She asked in a worried tone, the initial warmth of her face turning into a serious expression.

“He… I… He remembered what happened and… I don’t know where he is…” Haruka muttered in desperation, his eyes holding back the tears as he stared at the two people that loved Makoto the most and had to tell them how much he had screwed up.

“Honey. Call the police. And Irina-chan, we need someone to watch the twins. We’re going to search for him too.” The small woman exclaimed with confidence, already searching for a pair of white rubber boots and a rain jacket. Her husband nodded in silence, reaching for his phone and doing exactly as his wife advised him to.

“Nanase-kun, do you have any ideas on where he could be? Anything at all?” She asked the raven-haired boy in all seriousness, but the fear in her eyes wasn’t completely masked by her determination.

“N-No, I… I don’t…”

“That’s okay. We _will_ find him.” She simply stated, asking the two soaked boys to return to their house and let them handle it. Haruka was about to fight in protest, but Rin dragged him away from their neighbours’ front porch and towards the stairs leading to Haruka’s place.

“No, Rin, I can’t, I gotta find him-“ Haruka was desperately begging his friend, unable to wait inside while Makoto was somewhere outside in the cold and all alone.

“Shut up. Of course we won’t just stay inside and wait. But aimlessly running around town isn’t any better than the random search the police is gonna do. We’re gonna call Nagisa and see if Makoto contacted his friends.”

“B-But what if-“

“Then we go look for him.” Rin was already inside the house and searching for Nagisa’s phone number, Haruka using the moment to sit down on the floor and take a deep breath. He had been running and stressing out over Makoto’s disappearance for over an hour now, finally realising he was running out of energy. They had spent the entire day at school and he did quite a few laps back at Samezuka’s. But it was the fear and anxiety about Makoto’s safety that drained him completely, unable to form one single coherent thought.

“No luck. Nagisa started freaking out as soon as I told him Makoto ran away. He said his parents are gonna drive around the school and his old swimming club area to see if maybe he went there.”

“T-That’s good…” Was all Haruka managed to come up with, his black hair stuck to his face, but he made no effort in removing it from obscuring his eyes.

“Look, dude. He has to be out there somewhere. I know you don’t wanna do this right now and you’d rather run around and stop thinking, but I need you to focus.” Rin kneeled down on the wet carpet and came face to face to his shorter friend. “Please. Where could he be?”

“I don’t know! Did you forget about the fact I was gone for over a decade! I left him all alone and now that I came back, it’s no different! He is still alone out there and I can’t do anything to help him!” Haruka exploded at Rin, his mind swirling with thoughts of Makoto wandering around town as the storm just kept getting worse and worse.

“It doesn’t matter! And you know it! No matter how long you were gone for, you still care about him the same! Come on! Snap out of it! He needs you right now!” Rin yelled back at the smaller boy, clutching at Haruka’s shoulders and shaking him violently.

“RIN! I don’t know, he could be anywhere! I don’t know what he does! But if he stays outside in the storm any longer, it could all happen again and this time I won’t be there to-“ Haruka’s eyes opened wide in horror as he grasped Rin’s hands and swiftly prompted himself back on his feet.

“Go get him.” Rin simply told his friend, squeezing his shoulder one last time and ushering the raven-haired boy out the doors. “I’ll tell the Tachibanas you have an idea. If you don’t call me back in 30 minutes, we’re gonna have to let the police handle it though!” But Haruka was already rushing down the stairs towards the ocean, barely recognising Rin’s voice underneath the sound of thunder hitting somewhere close.

 

Haruka shielded his eyes with the back of his hand, every inch of his skin burning, even though he was completely drenched and shaking from the cold. He wasn’t sure whether he was right – every rational thought in his mind telling him there was no way the solution was this simple. But his heart guided him down the forgotten paths, the small alleys unrecognisable after all the years of absence and the storm painting them the same dark shade of grey.

Somehow he knew he was choosing the right turns, keeping the ocean to his left and running as fast as he was able to without crashing into an obstacle obscured by the pouring rain. After a few minutes, the spacing between the houses started growing, the traces of humanity spread out in a sparser manner. The feeling of concrete underneath his feet was replaced by the endless pebbles lining the beach and greeting the ocean.

The water seemed angry and unapproachable, its waves crashing down on themselves and slamming against the docks lining the coast. That place used to be a small harbour for private fishermen’s boats, but it was now deserted and lacking any sign of life.

The winds made Haruka’s jacket flap uselessly against his chest, making it harder and harder to run on the uneven terrain. He was barely able to see a few metres in front of himself, the rain washing away the line between the sky and the ground. But he pressed on, trudging through the beach and looking for that one specific dock stretching out further than the rest.

He scanned the perimeter, fighting to see the wooden boards supported by pillars in the middle of the raging ocean, but his eyes finally caught sight of the familiar construction, even if it was mostly swallowed by the water. And amidst the half-broken planks barely floating above the water, he spotted a silhouette of a person sitting down and desperately clutching to one of the pillars.

 

 

Makoto was having trouble keeping his eyes open, the constant waves of salt water crashing into his face and stinging his cheeks. He started losing the sensation in his fingers at some point, the water numbing his senses and the iciness of the wind lowering his body temperature with each passing minute.

But none of that mattered. He didn’t care what happened to him after this day, his entire view on life came tumbling down at that pool when Haruka’s fingers grazed his.

He tried staring out into the endless body of water, its strength and superiority even more apparent during a storm like this one. There was simply no way for a weak human being like him to fight against the raging ocean current. And he wanted nothing else but to be swept away by its vastness - and disappear.

“Makoto! Makoto!!” His mind was playing tricks on him, the howling of the wind producing sounds he wanted to hear. He almost laughed at the craziness his mind had settled into, the way his body rocked from the cold and slammed against the wooden pillar barely reminding him he was still able to feel some pain.

But none of that mattered now. Because the grip against the soaked wood was getting looser with each crashing wave, the exhaustion taking its toll and slowly dragging him closer towards the surface of the water. And he knew it was deep – the bottom of the ocean several metres below the surface, just like it had been that day more than ten years past.

“MAKOTO!” _Hah! It’s funny. After all this time and this would be the last thing I hear. Imagined voices calling my name._ He opened his mouth in order to laugh, but water swiftly gushed inside and made him cough in the process.

“Mako!” He finally lifted his head, probably trying to discern whether he was still able to move or he was simply crushed against the pillar with no strength left to even turn around. But a shadow popped up in front of him, something big and dark temporarily stopping the rain from hitting his face.

“Mako! Can you hear me? Are you out of your mind?!” The voices became louder, Makoto starting to feel really impressed by his rich imagination and the way it made everything seem so real. Almost as if there was actually someone there, right in front of him, reaching out to touch his limp shoulders and trying to unhook his fingers from the wet log.

“Stop it. Just leave me be.” He mumbled weakly, talking to himself and trying to hush the loud echo breaching his eardrums. But the movement of his arms that he wasn’t able to control caught his attention. They seemed to be lifting away from the ground and latching onto something else, something a little less cold and still.

“There’s no way I’m leaving you out here! Can you walk? I need you to come with me.” He felt his torso inch slightly upwards, his body finding some deeply hidden strength to get him back onto his feet. But there was no way for him to do that – he was sure of it, his strength had left him long ago.

His feet were gliding against the wooden boards, moving away from the pillars and towards the edge of the dock. It wasn’t until he felt the uneven terrain and pebbles underneath his knees that he looked up in surprise.

“Makoto? Can you hear me? It’s me. Haru.”

His eyes fought with the strong wind but managed to open slightly, the harsh rain slamming countless droplets into his face. There was an arm draped across his shoulders and a hand supporting his torso, but he didn’t feel any of them. The only way he knew they were there for sure is the way they stayed still, unlike the rest of the world that seemed to be falling apart.

“Makoto? Please say something. I need to get you inside, you’re freezing.” Haruka was frantically scanning the area around them with his eyes wide open. He was looking for shelter, for a place where they could wait out until the storm was over. Not to mention his friend’s last shouts kept making him rush, knowing he would have to contact Rin real soon before the police came looking for them.

But Makoto’s condition was breaking his heart, the brunet not even able to stand up or recognise the danger they would be in unless they got out of the rain in the next couple of minutes. The taller boy’s arms were uselessly dangling around his body, his eyes unable to focus or make sense of the situation. And Haruka used all of his remaining strength to look for a way to save his soulmate, even if he felt like he was going to break down and collapse any moment now.

But he knew he had to keep calm and ignore the aching in his heart and the tears dangerously piling in the corners of his eyes while he tried desperately to blink them away. _There’s gotta be something!_ He looked around again and again, struggling to keep Makoto’s body away from dropping onto the beach. Nothing but enraged waves and the endless onset of heavy rain drops hitting every inch of his body and making the panic settle deep into his heart. But he spotted it, about twenty metres away from the shore – a wooden sliding panel covering the front of a small booth. He recognised it as one of the few wooden structures that used to serve as market stalls for selling fish in the early mornings when the fishermen came back from the sea.

“Makoto, listen to me! We need to move away from the rain, okay?” He shouted next to the other boy’s ears, but there was no sign Makoto even registered his words. Haruka did his best to lift both of them off the ground and try walking towards the booth, but he felt the exhaustion and the weather finally getting to him. His feet wobbled slightly, trying to keep his balance on the uneven river of pebbles whilst the wind kept pushing him down.

“MAKOTO! Please!!” He yelled out in desperation, his voice cracking before he managed to finish the sentence. But something awoke in the brown-haired boy, his emerald eyes jerking upwards and recognition spreading across his face in an instant. The second he had realised who the person supporting him was, Makoto pushed the raven-haired boy aside and fell hard onto his knees.

“NO! Don’t touch me!” He screamed out in horror, the words hitting Haruka like a hurricane and making him shiver even more than from the icy wind cutting into his skin.

“Makoto! Just come with m-“

“GO AWAY! I-I’ll just hurt you again!” The brunet fought to get the words out of his mouth, the adrenaline kicking in even though he had barely any strength left.

“Makoto, it’s okay, just c-“

“NO! I know what I did! I could’ve killed you! I can’t-“

“But you didn’t! I was fine! Look at me, Makoto! I’m fine!” Haruka yelled at the top of his lungs, his voice fighting every single droplet of water and the wind trying to quiet him down.

“You tried to help me! And I pulled you down with me! I don’t deser-“

“I don’t care! I know you didn’t mean to, Makoto! Just come on!” Haruka tried to pull the stubbornness away from the other boy, but Makoto managed to lift his hands and struggle under Haruka’s attempts at dragging them both away from the incoming waves.

“Leave me! I don’t even want to-“

“I am not leaving you out here, what are you even saying!?”

“STOP!” Makoto’s voice echoed through the night, its intensity stronger than any thunder or lightening Haruka had ever heard before.

“I fell into the sea and you tried getting me out but I pulled you down with me! It was just like this… The storm… and I… I couldn’t swim well and you tried to… if my parents hadn’t-“

“But they came to us in time! And we were both fine! It wasn’t your fault, Makoto!” Haruka struggled to reach the other boy, the craziness in the brunet’s eyes and the way he was determined not to let Haruka move him stabbing the smaller boy into the chest with each spoken word.

“You should hate me! I could’ve killed you! Why don’t you HATE ME?!”

“BECAUSE I LOVE YOU!”

 

The world seemed to have stopped for both of them. Haruka couldn’t believe he yelled out the most precious thoughts of his life, the ones he had been treasuring for years and years, hoping a day would come when he could say them out loud and see the happiness in his soulmate’s eyes. And Makoto couldn’t understand why anyone, let along the most perfect boy in the planet, would ever as much as want to look at him. Instead, he felt the words sinking deep into every cell of his body, warming him up but also filling him with dread he had never experienced before.

He remembered looking into Haruka’s terrified blue eyes, the sapphires staring at him determinately and not blinking for what seemed like an eternity. A lightning tore the sky into two broken halves, the weight of the rain and wind and Haruka’s words pressing down onto his back and the world spinning before his eyes. Right before they closed and scared shouts stopped reaching his ears, he had finally felt something - a set of warm arms embracing him and shielding him from himself.

 

 

“Yeah, we’re good. Don’t worry. Mhm, we got inside. Yeah. No – don’t risk it. I’ll call you as soon as the storm lets up and then you can send someone to get us. Yeah. I will. Mhm. Bye.” Haruka ended the call, inexplicably glad Rin was able to stop the Tachibanas from putting themselves in danger. Luckily, the police also argued it’d be best to wait until the weather calmed down a bit because they probably wouldn’t even be able to reach them.

He leaned back against the wooden boards of the small booth, his hair still wet and water dripping down his shoulders. After Makoto had passed out, his body immediately moved in order to catch the other boy and he mustered the strength to slowly limp towards the fishing stalls. The doors were locked and there was no way for him to break them down and force his way inside, but the sliding panel covering the opening in the front was barely staying in place against the strong wind.

It only took a few nudges and he had successfully pulled them upwards, revealing a small wooden cottage with shelves lining the walls. It had just enough room for both of them to squeeze inside, pulling the sliding panel down to keep the rain from reaching them.

Haruka felt both of his arms throb in pain, as he pressed the palms of his hands onto his thighs to keep them from shaking. He thought he was more than able to endure any sort of physical activity, but the emotional stress and running around in the harsh wind, not to mention getting Makoto all the way towards the old shop - and he felt utterly spent and useless.

But when he turned his gaze to the side, towards a pair of closed eyelids of the brunet who was leaning onto his shoulder – it was all worth it. Makoto collapsing filled him with an incredible amount of fear, keeping his legs from giving in and pushing all the way towards the safety of these four walls.

He had taken off both of their jackets and shirts that were completely soaked and only making him shiver even more, covering them with a giant piece of cloth he had found on one of the shelves. Whether it was a blanket the salesmen had used in the coldness of the morning or just some old rag they used to clean the hut with – Haruka didn’t care. What he cared about was that Makoto was pressed firmly against his body and he seemed to be getting warmer by the minute.

He couldn’t stop looking at the soft lines of the other boy’s face, the way his mouth was slightly opened as he took small breaths that tickled Haruka’s shoulder. Makoto’s chest rose and fell in a steady rhythm that Haruka welcomed, meaning his soulmate was more than likely just exhausted and sleeping. But even if he convinced himself they would both be fine, the sight of Makoto’s panic attacks at the beach filled him with horror. So he fought the urge to drift to sleep and watched as Makoto finally looked to be at peace.

 

About an hour or so later, Haruka felt a movement to his right and the comfortable weight lifting off his shoulder. Makoto managed to lift his hand and rub his eyes slightly, until he realised he was sitting in a small wooded cottage and leaning against someone else.

“How are you feeling?” Haruka asked slowly, watching carefully as Makoto’s eyes changed from surprised to utterly terrified.

“I-I…Haru-chan?” He weakly mustered, lifting his gaze upwards and meeting Haruka’s eyes that seemed to convey so much affection Makoto had no idea what to do with.

“Yeah… It’s me, Mako.” The raven-haired boy smiled at his soulmate, the tiredness finally lifting the shield Makoto had been keeping up for so long.

“You came back.” Makoto whispered, unsure of whether he was referring to Haruka’s return from Tokyo or the fact he had managed to reach Makoto in time, but it seemed like he finally understood the meaning behind those words.

“Of course I did. You…You’re everything to me…” He muttered under his breath, too exhausted to care about the incoming blush spreading across his cheeks.

“I… I was gonna-“

“I know. But you didn’t.”

“Why are you always there to save me and I keep hurting you w-“

“Because I love you.” He said it again, he had to, the words just rushing out into the world and their meaning flying straight into Makoto’s fluttering heart.

“But I-I-“

“Don’t say anything. I don’t need you to say anything right now. There’s time. I promise I won’t leave ever again, if you give me a chance. As much time as you need, Mako! Just… I want to stay with you from now on…” Haruka broke down into a sob, his mind releasing all of the stress and anxiety over Makoto’s well-being and finally caving in, the overwhelming sadness of his soulmate’s mental state slamming him onto the ground.

He finally let it go – all the emotion he had been keeping locked away deep inside for years and years, staying away from the person he loved the most in order to protect him. He realised how much damage his actions had done to Makoto in the process when it was already too late.

Haruka was pulled into a tentative hug, both of their bodies too weak to do any more than that, but it was enough. They closed their eyes, warm from the closeness and the unspoken thoughts, until the winds slowed down and the pouring rain turned into a light drizzle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise this is the saddest chapter of this fic! :D If it makes anyone feel any better, it was probably the hardest thing I had to write, but I think it was important for the story and needed to leave an impact.   
> But I can't wait to work on the progress of their relationship so a lot of fluff incoming! :D


	15. Hold Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Are they coming?” Haruka was awoken from his thoughts, completely unaware of a pair of emerald green eyes staring at him.  
> “Yeah. Your parents. The police. And the ambulance.”  
> “Ambulance?! No – what, we’re fine! Oh no, what time is it? It’s Tuesday! We have school! I need to get ready and-“  
> “Mako. You’re not going to school. You almost d-… Just, relax, okay? You don’t always have to be perfect, you know…?” Haruka knew Makoto wouldn’t just welcome the words he had just said, but the brunet’s eyes became clouded with fear and he removed his head from the raven haired boy’s shoulders.  
> “I-I’m not perfect… More like everything but perfect… I don’t know how you can just… see right through me like that…” His eyes were looking at the floor, unable to observe the other boy’s reaction when it was the first time anyone had ever admitted at recognising Makoto’s mental state.  
> “I can’t… I wish I could. Then we could’ve skipped all of the avoiding and misunderstandings and get to know each other like normal people… I had no idea how you would react to me coming back and whether you would even want to talk to me again after I left for so long…”

It was early morning when Haruka opened his eyes, the sun tentatively breaching through the cracks in-between the wooden planks of the shack they had found themselves in. The brunet was still peacefully sleeping, his head positioned on Haruka’s shoulder and both arms covered by their improvised blanket. His blue eyes lingered slightly on Makoto’s hair falling across his face, masking the exhaustion from the previous night.

He couldn’t hear any more droplets hitting the pebbles around the beach, meaning the rain had stopped at some point when they were still sleeping. Even the winds settled down, the loose wooden panel he had pulled down in the middle of the night not moving an inch. It was time for them to go.

He struggled to take his phone out of his jacket he had placed on a shelf, trying not to move his left shoulder and accidentally wake up the other boy. Haruka felt relieved when his inbox only contained one message, his roommate notifying him how the Tachibanas spent the night at the police station, ready to leave the second they got some information on where they had stayed the night. Rin also mentioned how he managed to talk Nagisa into going back to his apartment instead of searching for his friend and Haruka was once more impressed with how well Rin handles himself under pressure, when he himself wanted to aimlessly run around town until Makoto was found.

He dialled Rin’s number, the other boy picking up the phone only seconds after he had pressed the call button.

“HARU! Dude, are you alright?! I didn’t want to call because you said you were alright but the rain stopped a while ago and I-“

“We’re okay, Rin. Were you up all night?” Haruka asked with a small smile, his friend’s voice sounding strained but relieved. He only hoped Makoto’s parents hadn’t given his friend a hard time for refusing to let them do a rescue mission in the middle of the storm.

“Ehm, no… But anyways, the police already called once and they said they are ready to go and there’s an ambulance vehicle on standby. Can you _finally_ tell me how they could reach you before they force it out of me?”

Haruka proceeded with explaining where they were to his best ability, trying to remember what turns he had taken when running towards the beach. He wasn’t sure whether it was clear enough or if his explanation made any sense, but Rin texted him again a few minutes later, saying the Tachibanas understood him perfectly and knew exactly which dock he was talking about. That’s when it hit him that Makoto’s parents were more than aware of what place their son had ran to, since they were the ones who had saved both of them so many years ago.

“Are they coming?” Haruka was awoken from his thoughts, completely unaware of a pair of emerald green eyes staring at him.

“Yeah. Your parents. The police. And the ambulance.”

“Ambulance?! No – what, we’re fine! Oh no, what time is it? It’s Wednesday! We have school! I need to get ready and-“

“Mako. You’re not going to school. You almost d-… Just, relax, okay? You don’t always have to be perfect, you know…?” Haruka knew Makoto wouldn’t just welcome the words he had just said, but the brunet’s eyes became clouded with fear and he removed his head from the raven haired boy’s shoulders.

“I-I’m not perfect… More like everything _but_ perfect… I don’t know how you can just… see right through me like that…” His eyes were looking at the floor, unable to observe the other boy’s reaction when it was the first time anyone had ever admitted at recognising Makoto’s mental state.

“I can’t… I wish I could. Then we could’ve skipped all of the avoiding and misunderstandings and get to know each other like normal people… I had no idea how you would react to me coming back and whether you would even want to talk to me again after I left for so long…”

“B-But you left because I couldn’t… It was my fault, all of it… I remember we used to come here a lot and play on the beach and everything was so perfect. And I didn’t understand it at the time, but I just _know_ I was able to see them! You made me see the colours, Haru! And I was just a kid, but they looked beautiful even then. I even remember how difficult it was for us every year when you had to go back to Tokyo, but I knew you’d come back next summer and _they_ would come back!” Haruka did nothing but stare at his soulmate who finally sounded like the Makoto he had known when they were young, the dark shadow lifted off of the brunet’s memories. After all this time when he was all alone in Tokyo, wandering what Makoto was doing and whether there was a chance the other boy was thinking about him too – all of that didn’t matter because for the first time in over a decade, the two of them were equal and able to talk about their lives.

“But that last time… I-I know I couldn’t swim well but we were on that dock… And the weather kept getting worse and you said we should go home, but I didn’t want to because I knew you would be leaving Iwatobi the day after. So you stayed and I fell into the sea… And the moment you tried pulling me out, I… Everything just exploded…” Makoto was still struggling with his memories, unable to piece everything together. Haruka could only wonder how it felt to finally have access to your past, after a decade of supressing it.

“You just kept screaming how it’s too much and you wanted it to go away… You suddenly saw all the colours, right?” Haruka gently asked about the only plausible explanation he had been able to come up with over the years.

“Yeah… All of them at once. And the storm and the water around me. I was just… It was too much…” Makoto lowered his head, after admitting to himself for the first time ever what exactly had happened to him and why the colours seemed to be causing him so many issues.

“Do you remember anything after that?” Haruka asked, willing to get everything out in the open and finally discuss it now that Makoto calmed down.

“I…They took me to the hospital? And my parents were there and asking me what happened and… You came to see me!” His eyes flashed upwards, locking onto Haruka’s blue ones and staring at him in surprise.

“Yeah… I wanted to see if you were alright, before I left. But… As soon as I walked into the room, you covered your eyes and started screaming. So I knew you just couldn’t handle being around me after that. That’s why I didn’t come back the year after… I didn’t come back until now, but maybe that was a mistake…”

“I am so sorry, Haru-chan… I ruined everything. You just wanted to help me and you were worried about me even after what I had done but I-“

“It wasn’t your fault, Mako. I’ve never blamed you and I never will. I’ve never heard of soulmates meeting when they were that young. And what happened to us made it really difficult for you. And you should really stop apologising, you know.”

“But how could I ever stop? I did so many bad things and then you said you l-lo… I just don’t get it…”

But just as Haruka was about to respond to him, they heard the sirens approaching the beach and decided to quickly dress up. In case there was something worse than causing their son to run away from home, Haruka didn’t feel like explaining why they would be found half-naked under a blanket.

 

“Makoto, dear, are you alright?!” Mrs Tachibana quickly approached them, still wearing the same rubber boots and a rain jacket over her blouse. Her hair was tied in a messy bun and Haruka couldn’t help but notice the dark circles under her eyes.

“Y-Yeah, mom, don’t worry about me, I-“ Makoto rose up to his feet in order to hug her, but his body was still weak from the previous night and he had to grab her arms for support.

“You’re exhausted! I should’ve known better.” She gently shook her head, visibly relieved her son wasn’t in a worse condition, but she must had stayed up all night and worried about his safety.

“And you!” She turned towards the raven haired boy with a hint of accusation, almost as if she had just remembered it was their son’s soulmate’s fault for this entire mess.

“I-I’m so so-“

“Honey, maybe we should let the paramedics check up on them, what do you think? And there’s an officer waiting for us in the car with that paperwork? I’m sure Makoto could use some rest.” Mr Tachibana interrupted Haruka’s attempt at an apology and gently wrapped an arm around his wife, leading her away before she was able to protest. Right before he entered the police vehicle, Haruka had managed to catch a small smile coming from the tall man.

 

It took a few minutes for Makoto’s parents to finish talking to the police officers, but not nearly enough time had passed for Haruka to come up with a way to apologise for hurting their son. Not to mention a tall woman with a clipboard and a pen in her hands kept asking him a billion questions on how he was feeling and whether he had hurt himself. The two paramedics checked both of the boys’ vital signs and concluded neither of them was seriously injured, aside from some scratches and bruises from the pebbles they had fallen onto. Nevertheless, both of them were still exhausted and struggling to stand on their feet, the fact that was especially difficult to hide from Makoto’s mother. She tried insisting on taking both of them to the hospital for thorough examination, but everyone else agreed on simply letting Makoto and Haruka rest in their own homes.

Throughout the entire check-up, Makoto and Haruka hadn’t said a word to each other, but there was something warm about the way the brunet’s green eyes landed on Haruka for a split second, over and over again. _It was all worth it._

 

_..._

 

“You’re alive!” Rin yelled out as soon as Haruka stepped foot into the hallway, the redhead immediately manifesting in front of the shorter boy and staring at him inventively.

“What?” Haruka asked his friend, placing the still-damp jacket on the coat hanger and trying to take his shoes off, but he lost his balance for a split second and already imagined hitting the hard tiles.

“Hey, take it easy, huh?” Rin managed to grab his arm and stop him from falling, the worried tone of his voice filling Haruka with guilt.

“I’m good. Just tired. Really tired.”

“Yeah I can see that. Come on. I made you some food.” Haruka looked up towards his best friend, seeing that Rin was still wearing the same clothes as the night before. But what was even more striking were the dark circles underneath his eyes and the teeth marks on his lips.

“You should really work on that nervous habit of yours.” Haruka commented, pointing at the half-healed wounds where Rin’s teeth had pulled on the soft skin.

“Dude, have you looked at yourself in the mirror? You look horrible.” His friend joked while helping him reach the kitchen and, if Haruka was being honest, he didn’t even want to see how he looked like. After spending hours in the storm and sleeping on the floor of an abandoned cottage, the sight of his condition must had been terrifying.

Rin brought some rice and mackerel from the kitchen, put it on the table and waited for Haruka to start eating. If he wasn’t so tired, he probably would had made some kind of remark about the rice being slightly undercooked and the fish left on the stove a few minutes too long, but at the sheer sight of food, his stomach growled and made him realise just how hungry he had been. His friend didn’t even try to wipe the grin off his face at the sight of Haruka basically devouring the food.

“So… how is he?”

“He… I don’t think he was doing that well even before I came back… I just kind of… made it worse?”

“I’m sorry, buddy… I really thought he just needed a push and-“

“No. I mean – he isn’t doing great, but I think we both needed this. Now he knows what happened to us and why I left… And I think he gets it. I just wish he would stop blaming himself…” Haruka added in thought, replying the morning conversation in his head.

“Oh. OH! So you’re still after him?” Rin asked enthusiastically, the grin consuming his face and quickly typing something on his phone.

“Rin. Don’t say it like that! And who are you texting now?!”

“Nagisa. He is in on the plan on getting you two together. I’m actually not surprised, he’s always been like this so-“

“Rin! What did you tell him?” Haruka was too tired to yell, but he mustered an exasperated sigh at Rin’s mischief and inability to stay out of his private life.

“What do you mean? Everything, of course! He loved it! So, what should we do next?”

“Rin… Things are good. We _finally_ talked to each other normally! But I’m sure he needs some time to process this and me confessing maybe wasn’t the best-“

“OH MY GOD! You WHAT?! Haru! You finally did something! YEEEES! Wait, I gotta tell Nagisa right away!” He proceed to maniacally press the keys on his smartphone, while Haruka felt the blush creeping up his cheeks and the need to lie down before saying something else.

“I-I think I’m gonna go sleep. You should too, Rin. Can we talk about this later?” He was only partly trying to avoid this conversation at the moment, his body yearning for the softness of his mattress and warm blankets.

“Yeah, mhm, you should do that.” Rin was too preoccupied smiling at his phone and talking to Makoto’s friend and Haruka was too afraid to ask. He simply dragged his lifeless body towards his room and plopped on top of his bed. He was asleep in under a minute.

 

 

...

 

 

“Haru. Haru-chan. Haru-chan?” There was a faint voice barely reaching his ears, tugging onto his consciousness that fought hard to stay asleep.

“Haru-chan?” He felt the slight pressure on his shoulder, warm and relaxing as it softly rocked his body left to right. He fought the urge to wake up, but his eyes twitched and opened slightly, realising his room was now bathed in darkness.

“I-I’m sorry for waking you up, Haru-chan. I just…” The words started regaining their meaning in Haruka’s head, his eyes slowly accustoming to the lack of light and focusing on the dark figure looming above his bed. And then his mind processed the fact that there was someone in his room and he jerked his body upwards, suddenly awake and trying to locate the light switch above his bed.

“Wait wait wait, it’s me, Makoto-“ But Haruka’s fingers grazed the switch and both of their eyes got assaulted by the violent onset of light. They quickly covered their faces with their hands, but Makoto was innocently laughing at Haruka’s panicked movements.

“Mako?” Haruka peered through his fingers at the tall brunet still grinning behind his hands and realised he must had been acting a little crazy.

“Y-You’re in my room.”

“N-No, I… Rin said it was okay and I… Is it not okay…?” It seemed like Makoto didn’t even notice how strange this would had been, but there was an undeniable shade of pink spreading across his face that Haruka welcomed.

“Of course he did… But I mean, it’s… awesome.”

“Huh? A-Awesome?”

“Yeah… Wait, what time is it? Have I been sleeping all day?” Haruka looked around in search of his phone, finally able to look around without squinting. But his eyes landed on Makoto and his loose T-shirt and shorts that showed off his thighs perfectly and he couldn’t help but stare for a short second longer.

“Probably. I just woke up an hour ago as well. It’s about 2 in the morning though.”

“It’s 2 am? Why are you here at 2 am, Mako?” Haruka couldn’t stop the smile spreading across his lips, staring at the slightly flustered Makoto in his casual clothes, who simply popped up in his room in the middle of the night.

“I-I snuck out…” He admitted, trying not to look directly at Haruka but instead curiously examining every inch of the raven boy’s room. That was when Haruka remembered to quickly glance around and check in what condition he had left it in, but the words that had left Makoto’s mouth left him in awe.

“You? YOU snuck out?! Are you okay??”

“Y-Yeah… Just thought that… we didn’t finish our conversation earlier and I couldn’t go back to sleep so I wanted to see if you were awake and Rin let me in and said I could come wake you up but now that I’m saying it out loud, I could’ve just texted you and-“

“NO! I… I wanted to talk to you to. There is still something I had to tell you…” Haruka tried his best not to show just how happy and excited Makoto’s innocent actions made him.

“Oh… Okay. You first.” Makoto said and decided to take a seat onto the floor, his emerald eyes finally locking onto Haruka’s.

The raven haired boy took a deep breath and closed his eyes for a moment, hoping the seriousness would finally be over and they could simply talk about something else. But in order to do that, there was one more thing he had to come clean about.

“I knew you weren’t doing that well. I knew everything.”

Makoto stared at him in shock, unable to form a sentence or understand what Haruka could be talking about.

“W-What do you m-“

“I called my grandmother every day. And every day I would ask her how you were and what you were doing. I know you came to say hello every morning and you carried her groceries from the store. And you love chocolate chip cookies. And she told me how much you care about your little brother and sister and how much they depend on you.” Haruka kept his gaze directed towards his lap, too scared to check the other boy’s reaction so he kept going.

“In the last couple of months, she kept saying you seemed worried about something. That there was something you were struggling with, but wouldn’t say a word about it. And every time she asked you about what you wanted to do in the future, she said you had the same expression on your face, like you thought things wouldn’t really work out the best…”

“At first, I thought you were just worried about finals and college choices, but she didn’t think so. And she said you had troubles running your club. But I think she purposely skipped the detail about it being a Swimming Club… But anyway… A few weeks ago, she said there was something serious going on. ‘You have to come back. Come home, Haruka. There’s not much time left.’” His eyes filled with tears at the thought of that conversation, of the dread that filled his entire being when he had noticed the weakness in her voice.

“Haru, I-”

“And I thought she was talking about her health getting worse. Of course, I knew she wasn’t doing well, I knew it for a long time. I wanted to fly back to Iwatobi the second she had said it, I wanted to be there for her and see her one more time. But she didn’t even want to hear it. She said one day wasn’t enough, that I had to move here and I couldn’t talk her out of it. It took weeks to organise the school transfer and to set things straight with my trainers. By the time Rin and I were ready to move, she…”

“Haru-chan, d-”

“But now I know she wasn’t talking about herself. I knew it didn’t matter whether I was physically next to her or not. It didn’t matter to us. She knew everything about me and she never said anything about me not wanting to come back to Iwatobi. Not a single word. So I know she knew how much I cared even if I wasn’t there. It tormented me all this time, that I was too late and should had just travelled to see her, even if I would had to go back to Tokyo. But she didn’t tell me to come back because of her illness.” Haruka lifted his gaze and met Makoto’s green eyes, their intensity and the sadness behind them causing the aching in his chest. But he had to say it.

“She told me to come back because of you. Because you were getting worse and she was scared. I didn’t want to believe it at first, I thought you were just shocked and scared because I came back. But that’s not it. Makoto. You keep lying to everyone around you. And you have people who care about you so much. Your friends, your parents, your siblings! All of them love you so, so much. But they don’t know anything, do they?”

Makoto’s face was enveloped in darkness, the corners of his eyes hiding the tears that were so close to falling down his cheeks.

“And I know I have no right to tell you anything about it. I’m the one that caused all of this… I’m the one that hurt you and left. But Makoto, I’ll never leave again. I want to help you, in any way I can. I’m so sorry about everything, and about secretly spying on you… I know it wasn’t fair, I just couldn’t help it. I missed you so much… Every day, I-“ Haruka’s voice cracked and the first tear stroll down his face and landed on his pants, but he couldn’t finish the sentence because the brunet’s arms were wrapped tightly around his chest and his face was pushed against the taller boy’s T-shirt.

“Ma-ko?” He mumbled into the warmth of Makoto’s T-shirt, the scent of his shampoo filling Haruka’s nostrils and stopping the tears immediately.

“You are right. About everything… And I hate that you had an insight on my life when I had nothing. I didn’t even know you existed… But it doesn’t matter. I… I came here to tell you that. That I’m selfish and can’t pull away. That I want the words you said last night to be real. That I know I should leave you alone and let you get over me because I don’t deserve you. Even now, you just told me you did something else just to help me. I-I don’t know much about you… The memories from our childhood are slowly getting back, but I don’t know the type of person you are now.”

Haruka couldn’t help but feel the rushed heartbeat in Makoto’s chest, the way his hands kept shaking, but didn’t loosen their hold around the raven haired boy. He heard the tremble in Makoto’s voice and the emotion spilling out of him. And he felt utterly speechless.

“I don’t want you to leave again. I don’t know if things are gonna work out or if I can… If I’ll be able to handle it. But I want to make my own choice this time. I don’t want to just sit idly by when you’re off doing everything. I… I don’t know how I feel about you… and I don’t know exactly what this would turn into, but I want to get to know you. Tha-That’s all I have.”

Haruka felt his own arms looping around the warmth of Makoto’s body, the action making his own heart beat a million times a minute.

“That’s… more than enough, Mako. More than enough.” He simply stated, feeling the other boy relax in his arms and a pair of warm droplets on the hem of his shirt. But it didn’t matter. Because for the first time in forever, he truly felt they understood each other perfectly. And Makoto was in his arms, just where he belonged. _I’m never gonna let you go._


	16. Obsess

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Don’t you have something better to do? It’s the middle of night, why aren’t you sleeping?!” Makoto heard the dissatisfaction in the short boy’s voice and he tried his best to peak behind Haruka’s back to catch sight of the reason for his annoyance.
> 
> “Oh, well why aren’t you sleeping then? HUUUH? Besides, your guest over there woke me up by ringing the doorbell like three times and apparently you’re deaf.” There was no question as to who that voice belonged to, Makoto already feeling the slight blush spreading across his cheeks.
> 
> “Besides, I don’t see you complaining about sending him to your room. Just thought you’d prefer him waking you up than m-“
> 
> “Okay, you’ve said enough, Rin. Can you just give us a minute?”
> 
> “I mean, if you only need a minute, poor guy, you kno-“ But Haruka slammed the doors shut...

“H-Haru-chan?” Makoto muttered carefully, his arms still wrapped around the shorter boy.

“Hmm?” Haruka hummed in response, still breathing in Makoto’s scent and feeling the warmth of his body.

“What are we gonna do now?” The brunet asked in a worried tone, unsure of whether he was supposed to move away or not.

“About what?”

“U-Us?”

Haruka reluctantly lowered his arms and slightly backed away, sitting on his unmade bed in an old T-shirt and shorts. His blue eyes scanned over Makoto’s face, looking for any hints of fear or the urge to run away once again. But instead, he found the other boy’s expression to show nothing but honest confusion.

“I still don’t know… anything… About you. And I don’t want to promise you something when I’m still… I just don’t really know what to do from now on…” He finally felt more at ease with speaking his mind, but still unwilling to simply accept Haruka’s feelings when his own were nothing but a mess. He observed the raven haired boy’s reaction, but couldn’t quite discern what he was thinking. Before he had the chance to ask him, they had heard a loud _thump_ from the other side of the door.

Haruka grumbled and swiftly prompted himself up on his feet, pulling the doors wide open and staring at something in the hallway.

“Don’t you have something better to do? It’s the middle of night, why aren’t you sleeping?!” Makoto heard the dissatisfaction in the short boy’s voice and he tried his best to peak behind Haruka’s back to catch sight of the reason for his annoyance.

“Oh, well why aren’t you sleeping then? HUUUH? Besides, your guest over there woke me up by ringing the doorbell like three times and apparently you’re deaf.” There was no question as to who that voice belonged to, Makoto already feeling the slight blush spreading across his cheeks.

“Besides, I don’t see you complaining about sending him to your room. Just thought you’d prefer _him_ waking you up than m-“

“Okay, you’ve said enough, Rin. Can you just give us a minute?”

“I mean, if you only need a minute, poor guy, you kno-“ But Haruka slammed the doors shut and kept staring at the still doorknob, half expecting for his roommate to barge in, but they heard footsteps and laughter slowly subsiding as Rin must had gone to his own room.

Haruka closed his eyes in hope Makoto couldn’t see the embarrassment clearly written all over his face, trying to come up with some sort of an apology for his friend’s more than unnecessary commentary on their already awkward situation. But when he turned around, Makoto was smiling and blushing at the same time, something about his impermeable defences weakened and for once not obsessing over someone else’s thoughts.

“Mako, I’m really sorry about Rin. He’s just… To be honest, I think he was just sick of listening about my soulmate stories for years and now that we’re finally here, he… He’s just trying to help. I think. In his own messed up way…” And even though Haruka genuinely felt guilty for always putting Makoto in a weird spot when Rin was around, a part of him also appreciated the fact that there was someone who wasn’t as scared and reluctant as him to state something obvious.

 

Makoto knew he was supposed to feel like an intrusion on their private conversation wasn’t right, like their own personal thoughts and feelings shouldn’t be listened in on. But a part of him couldn’t blame Rin for his curiosity and almost envied Haruka for being so open and honest with someone. Whilst him, on the other hand, never even tried telling his own friends about how he felt. Or Haruka. But no matter how much he tried, it seemed like he wasn’t able to hide from the raven haired boy or run away from an undeniable connection the two of them shared.

“Haru-chan.” Makoto tried bringing the other boy’s attention away from the immovable doors and back towards their own conversation. Haruka’s wide open sapphire blue eyes warmed his heart, the way the shorter boy looked down at his soulmate with a face full of expectation.

“H-How about we start with something small? You know, as friends or something…” Haruka mumbled, more to himself than to anyone else, a slight touch of pink apparent on the tips of his cheeks. Makoto felt a flutter in his chest, unsure whether it was at the implied proposal at doing something together, or the fact Haruka didn’t seem quite delighted at the whole “friends” scenario.

“Y-Yeah. That sounds good… W-What did you have in mind?”

Haruka pondered his question for a moment, thinking of what the best thing to propose was.

“How about you all just come over on Friday? We could order some pizza and play board games? I think both Rei and Nagisa can deal with Rin and I don’t know… It’s what friends do, right?” Haruka looked down at Makoto, unsure of how the brunet was going to react to his invitation, but it was the only thing he could think of that wouldn’t be too intimidating for Makoto.

“Oh.” _T-That could work! If we’re all here and it’s not just me and Haru, then maybe…_ “Yeah, we should do that. I’ll ask them tomorrow, is that good?”

“Of course.” Haruka smiled slightly, seemingly relieved at Makoto’s response and the taller boy had to agree it felt great talking to him like that, without the mention of their past trauma and the seriousness it came with. _And Haruka’s feelings._ As long as all of those things weren’t mentioned, Makoto truly believed he would be able to stay near his soulmate. _But anything more than this seemed terrifying…_

 

Makoto left his neighbour’s house soon after their conversation about Friday night. The adrenaline from sneaking out of his house at 2 am and talking to his soulmate was subsiding quickly, leading him to the realisation he was supposed to be up in a few hours and getting ready for school. He tried his best to unlock the doors while making the least amount of noise, knowing quite well an encounter with his family wouldn’t lead to anything good.

His parents had left him to sleep the previous day, his mother’s face still traced with worry and questions she wanted to ask. But for some reason, she had decided to wait until Makoto got some rest. On the other hand, if they found out about him visiting Haruka in the middle of the night, there would be no more way for him to get away from the conversation.

He managed to reach his room without hearing any movements from the rest of his family. He had no idea what would happen the next day when he came home for school, but for now he was safe and decided to use the remaining hours to try and get some sleep.

 

 

...

 

 

The next morning, the twins woke him up before his alarm had the chance to, Ran and Ren jumping on top of his bed and making sure he was okay. From what he managed to gather between the worried screams and hugs, his parents told his siblings how Makoto had gotten caught up in a storm and stayed with a friend. Not a complete lie, but definitely a more innocent version of his horrible experience. _With a friend…_

After assuring them he was alright for the, what seemed like, a 100th time, and the fact neither Ran nor Ren managed to find something physically wrong with their brother, they let him go with a warning. The guilt started creeping up in his chest once again, his actions leaving even his brother and sister worried and wide awake this early in the morning. _This never should’ve happened…_

Makoto helped them get ready for school and picked up his own backpack. That was when he remembered the unforgiving rain and the time he had spent outside in the storm, checking to see the contents of his bag and – all of his notebooks were completely destroyed. He felt the anxiety overwhelming him once again, the fear of losing his notes when there was barely any time left until the finals and what was he going to do? He tried to quickly remember how many subjects he had had on Tuesday, trying to estimate the damage and time he would need to rewrite everything and-

“Makotooo, mom’s calling you!” Ran shook her older brother’s shoulders, snapping him out of his thoughts and brining his attention to their mother’s loud voice coming from downstairs. _Oh no…_

“You need to eat.” She said with a faint smile, a good night’s sleep completely relieving her off the dark circles she had had underneath her eyes. Makoto tentatively entered the kitchen, scared of the conversation he could feel was coming, but she simply placed a bowl of rice and fried fish in front of his chair.

“Are you feeling better?”

“Y-Yeah. I slept well. Mom, I’m so-“

“I know. We’ll talk when your father gets home. Make sure you’re not late, okay?” She interrupted his apology willingly, her eyes still warm and welcoming, but the tone of her voice revealing a touch of sadness that broke his heart. He nodded slightly, hurried up to finish his meal, his mind still obsessing over the school work he had missed and would have to catch up with. _And now my notes…_

 

Throughout the day, his mind kept wandering back towards his late-night conversation with Haruka, to the plans they had made about Friday night and to his primary reaction being excitement over finally having a normal evening with his friends. But now that he had spent hours staring at the blackboard and trying his hardest to absorb every word the teachers had said – that same excitement seemed to be miles and miles away.

His brain kept focusing on the fact he had missed a day in class, not to mention months of hard work put into his notes seemed like a complete waste of time, now that half of them had been destroyed. He had already asked some of his classmates if he could borrow their notebooks for a day and they all agreed, but that didn’t seem to calm him down at all.

He caught Rin’s curious gaze during their lunch break, when Makoto would usually go out of the classroom and hang out with his two younger friends, but that day he hadn’t moved an inch, carefully writing down something the class had done the day before.

“Hey, captain! You’ve only missed a day, Haru and I miss like half the semester during competitions and I’m sure-“

“I-I’m good, Rin. Thank you. I-I just hate being behind and this was all my fault anyway so I gotta-“

“Tsk… Did you ask Rei and Nagisa about tomorrow?” Makoto didn’t even lift his eyes from the books to look at Rin, feeling like the new team member only interrupted the valuable few minutes he had left before the next lesson started.

“I… I don’t think I can make it after all. I should be studying. There’s so much I-“

“Stop it!” Rin raised his voice, making the other students pause their own conversations and stare accusingly at the newly transferred kid everyone seemed to be intimidated by.

“Ahh… look, I’m not trying to tell you what to do, but as far as I managed to figure it out, you have the best grades in the class. You’re fine. Just… come over. It’s a few hours, you can take a break and catch up with your friends. Nagisa said you keep avoiding him an-“

The school bell interrupted Rin’s sentence, much to Makoto’s relief. _Why is he telling me this? I have to…_ But Rin didn’t wait for a reply, simply strolling over to his designated seat with a sigh. _Why are they all against me?_

Makoto wanted to believe that was the last encounter with Rin he would have to go through, the swimmer’s sudden change in character leaving him confused and slightly annoyed. _Rin was more like Nagisa – he didn’t seem to be bothered by things like grades or what other people thought, but I… I don’t think I can just…_ That was when he remembered he still had one responsibility waiting for him – the Club.

 

 

…

 

 

“Mako-chaaaaan!” Nagisa ran straight towards his friend the moment Makoto had appeared in front of the pool. “Are you alright? Rin called me and explained what happened, we were so worried!” He explained, pointing towards his partner who nodded at the captain with a serious expression.

“Y-Yeah. I’m good, Nagisa. W-What did Rin tell you exactly?” Makoto asked with a lump in his throat. He loved his friends, but when he himself had only found out about a lot of his past just a day ago, for them to know too… Not to mention the dreaded encounter with his parents that afternoon… He felt overwhelmed and scared, hoping everyone would stop looking at him like he was broken and tried to fix him.

“Hey, Nagisa! I think the freshmen need you for a bit!” Rin yelled from the other side of the pool, quickly approaching them. Nagisa squinted his eyes at his former acquaintance and at Makoto who took the chance to walk further away and passionately devote his full attention to stretching.

“Rin! What are you doing?! He needs to talk to someone abou-“ But the tall athlete shushed Nagisa in an instant and pulled him to the side. Makoto tried his best to ignore all of them.

His eyes were pressed shut, mind trying to focus on counting to 20 while doing his stretches. He couldn’t tell at what moment the other boy had approached him, but when he opened his eyes again, he was greeted by the colours enlightening the area around him. A pair of deep-blue eyes stared down at him, Haruka’s black swimming trunks with a purple line on the sides right at his eye-level.

“H-Haru-chan?! W-What are you…” But the raven haired boy simply extended his arm towards Makoto, a shy smile plastered on his lips as he waited for Makoto to take his hand. The brunet hesitated for a moment, an unavoidable flashback of their time at Samezuka obscuring his vision. But today, the sky was a beautiful light blue, with only a few fluffy-looking clouds lining its vast surface. Even the sun shone brightly, warming his half-naked body and making water drops on the raven haired boy’s body glisten beautifully. And somehow, the storm in his mind also subsided, the shining light of hope in front of him grasped his fingers and pulled his body upwards. _If it was just him…_

Makoto managed to survive the Club practice. Almost as if they had read his mind, everyone seemed decided to leave him alone for the time being. Nagisa and Rei observed the three eager freshmen, the taller boy’s knowledge and Nagisa’s experience used in order to find which style would fit each of them the best.

At first, he had planned on keeping to himself and swim his usual laps and observe the others, but somehow he ended up training with Rin and Haruka. The two expert athletes told him about their usual swimming regime and showed him the exercises they used to do at their original club. And since neither of them was great at the theoretical part of it all, they opted for showing Makoto every single part of their training and the brown-haired boy got caught up in their workout and even joined them for a while.

But after about 30 minutes or so of trying to keep up with national level athletes, the pain in his legs and shoulders made him give up and continue observing. There was something admirable about their strength and commitment, their urge to keep going something he had lost somewhere along the way. And yet every time one of them performed a simple dive or executed some figure perfectly, a touch of jealousy that he didn’t know existed anymore popped up in the back of his mind.

Even if it was a struggle to keep staring at the colourful world, its sheer intensity and richness straining his mind slightly, he felt it was easier to deal with than talking about his problems. Staring at Haruka’s slender back toned with muscles was an easier task than letting his mind worry about everything. This way, he didn’t have to think. The image was rich enough.

 

 

…

 

 

“I’m home!” Makoto yelled out from the hallway, after spending five minutes just standing in front of his front doors, trying to muster the strength to come in.

“Welcome back!” His father’s voice responded from the kitchen. Makoto took a deep breath, his father’s earlier return from work had to mean just one thing – they _really_ wanted to talk to him.

Ran and Ren seemed to be busy watching their favourite show on TV, the one thing that always induced a truce between the competitive twins. The only voices that reached his ears were the excited shouts of his little brother and sister, cheering for their favourite character. He wondered when things had been that simple for him. He hated that he couldn’t remember.

“Makoto, dear, did you have your Club today?” His mother asked, even if Makoto was pretty sure she was well aware of the days he had club duties on.

“Yes. I-I’ve been working with the newest members…”

“You mean Nanase-san?” His mother asked directly, waiting for her son to take a seat in front of her and her husband.

“Yeah… and Rin.”

“Oh we’ve met Matsuoka-kun as well. He seems like a reliable boy.” His mother exclaimed confidently, making Makoto wonder how the redhead managed to achieve such a high praise from her. Haruka explained it to him how Rin coordinated the conversation between the two boys and Makoto’s parents, but he didn’t know much more than that.

“Mom, I’m sor-“

“We have something to apologise for first, son.” His father intervened in the middle of his sentence, Makoto’s eyes widening in surprise and stopping his own words.

“Nanase-kun told us you remembered what happened when you were little. We debated for a long time whether we should bring up the topic of the accident or not. But after you had been hospitalised, it seemed like you didn’t remember much of the incident. And you were both so young… We always wanted to talk to you when you were ready, but I guess that’s a hard criteria to achieve… Maybe it was our fault for not being completely honest with you when it’s obviously been so difficult for you.”

Makoto stared at his parents, their faces displaying sincere regret for not sharing the secret of his childhood friend with him. He realised they really had been thinking about the issue for a long time, probably from the minute they had heard his screams in the hospital upon Haruka’s arrival.

“No, I… I don’t know if I would remember even if you told me…”

“We realised something must had happened that day when we took that trip to Tokyo. You have always been interested in colours, Makoto, but never seemed to ask us about soulmates. But something changed that day, didn’t it?” His mother added, carefully watching the brunet’s reaction. Makoto’s whole world seemed to had been turned upside down – the fact that his parents knew more about him than he ever could had guessed.

“Y-Yeah… turns out he was there that day… But I had no idea who it was…” He felt his defences crumbling, the aching in his chest stronger than before as his parents admitted to knowing just how hard it had been for him all these years.

“And we had no idea why you wanted to start swimming, we really didn’t know what to think about it… But you seemed so happy for a while. We thought maybe, this was your own way of coping with the accident. But lately, honey, you’ve been acting so strangely. We would never want to force you to open up to us, but we’ve been so worried.” His mother waited for him to process her words, but Makoto couldn’t even form a sentence. All this time he had thought no one really noticed him, how he was able to hide away everything that was wrong. _Everything I did…_

“But when Nanase-kun came to our doors in the middle of the storm, we knew exactly what had happened.” That was the first thing his father had said, his knowing smile seemingly looking straight through him. Makoto had never felt as transparent as during that conversation with his parents. Every single barrier he had set up to distance himself from the people he cared about seemed to be crumbling down and only displaying another dozen weakness he had been trying to hide.

“S-So you know… That h-he is my…”

“Of course we know, honey. You used to run around our house with that boy and yell out all the colours you had learnt to recognise. Your father and I couldn’t believe it at first, but there was no denying that you two had a bond that was just special. You were so happy every time he came back from Tokyo…”

“Mom? Dad?” Makoto looked at both of his parents with tears in the corners of his eyes, hoping they would have all the answers and could save him from the nightmare he had found himself in. There was still so much he wanted to tell them – about losing the will to train, about not really being sure what he wanted to do in life, about how he kept ignoring his friends when they had only tried to help him… But all of that didn’t seem to matter for at least one second. “What should I do?” He asked desperately.

His parents shared a knowing look between themselves, that almost telepathic connection people developed after spending so much time together.

“We can’t tell you what to do, son. We just wanted you to know it was alright if you didn’t have everything figured out just yet. You met your soulmate at such a young age – there’s no guidebook on what to do. But I really think you two could still be friends, Makoto. Don’t you?” His father added. Makoto was more than aware of the fact no one could actually solve all of his problems, but a part of him felt so inferior. His parents had had all of this information for years, whilst he had barely a couple of days.

“But Makoto, dear? What you did that night was super irresponsible and I can’t believe you’ve put yourself in such danger! There’s nothing in the world-…” His mother continued for another half an hour, scolding him for what had happened. Makoto couldn’t blame her – he knew what he had done was a horrible mistake. But whatever led him to it, it wasn’t just going to disappear. Not from their unlimited support and not from the yelling. _There’s gotta be something else…_

 


End file.
